Recently, some ladies have sent me messages asking how they will know if a guy really loves them. Sometimes, I find that question amusing given the fact that someone who loves another person is expected to treat them right, respect them and support them.
Unfortunately, in this part of the world, it looks like it is only women who are expected to love men more than they love themselves and good old ice cream. Women are expected to put the needs of their men above theirs, respect these men, honour them and even give up their life dreams for men.
People have no qualms telling a woman to quit her well-paying job for a man. She is told to reign from her job because her man is insecure and doesn’t want her to be more successful than him. She is cajoled by Bible-quoting men and women to support her man so that she can enjoy her relationship in the long run.
On the flip side, men are not told to give up their jobs or their dreams just to keep women. They are not hounded with unsolicited advice on how to treat their women well so that these women won’t look outside or follow other men.
Men are not threatened with dying alone if they treat their women badly. It is like they are demi-gods that women should always bow and worship so that they can have the luxury of showing off to other women that they are lucky to be in a relationship.
It takes two willing, committed and respectful people to make a relationship work. It is not the duty of women alone to love and treat their men well. This farce about men needing respect more than women has done more harm than good when it comes to relationships in this society.
Men and women need respect. Heck, children deserve to be respected too. No sane human being likes being disrespected so I don’t understand why women are told to put up with crap all in the name of the man deserves to be respected.
Gosh, I have digressed from what I wanted to talk about. Don’t blame me. I am very passionate about relationship issues especially when it comes to talking about how women should be treated. It’s in my blood and it can’t be taken away from me.
Back to the topic at hand, how do you know if a man loves you? How do you know he values and respects you as a human being and his woman? How do you know you mean something to him other than breasts and vagina? How do you know you can truly count on him, when life throws some curve balls at you? How do you know if you have found the right partner?
I always tell ladies that lust or loneliness can cloud their judgment and make them mistake a horny guy who just wants to satisfy his sexual urges for one who actually loves them and wants the best for them.
So many guys just want to chop and waka these days and sane women should be able to spot these players from afar and avoid their antics. They shouldn’t allow loneliness drive them into the arms of guys who don’t care about them. The results are not always pleasant.
Ladies, trying to interpret everything a guy says, everything he doesn’t say can be very exhausting. Dating has a way of turning even the most laid back girl into an anxiety-ridden, obsessive woman in no time if the man she loves is not into her.
There are some things that guys do that completely defy logic, but there are others that are a clear sign that he’s just not into you and there’s no point trying to make things work out with such a person.
As hard as it can be to navigate dating these days, sometimes guys will give you the signal that they are not interested. All you have to do is pay attention. If he really likes you, he definitely won’t do the following things I will mention.
If he loves you, he won’t pressure you in any way to do something that is against your values and beliefs. A guy who’s into you wants you to be comfortable. He wants you to like him back. If he pressures you to have sex with him or do anything else you don’t want to do, he doesn’t really care what you want. He only cares about what he wants. Be alert!
If he loves you, he won’t lie to you about his intentions. If he has to lie to get what he wants, he doesn’t really care about the consequences. He wants instant gratification and he will do anything he has to do to get it. Whatever happens after that is of no concern to him. Ladies, bear this in mind.
A guy who loves you won’t take forever to call or text you back. It is true that some guys are not good with texting and that’s fine. But they will either call, or make solid plans to make up for their lack of text conversation skills. If he lets hours go by before he answers a simple question, and he doesn’t have an emergency situation he has to handle, he probably just doesn’t want to talk to you.
Ladies, he won’t make you feel bad about yourself, your body and goals if he loves you. How can you still be confused whether a man loves you or not when he constantly body shames you and tells you, you look like a pig?
Everyone has a type, but if he ever hints that you should eat less, wear different clothes, lose weight or change your hair in order to become his type, he’s not worth your time. If he doesn’t like you how you are, then he doesn’t love you.
It is a different case if he wants you to lose weight because of health reasons and not because he likes them slim. What was he thinking when he approached you in the first place knowing he loves slim ladies? Was he blind or something? Show him the door and let him go for his kind and stop being confused.
If he loves you, he won’t flirt with other ladies in your presence. That is very disrespectful. I don’t know how many men can stand their women flirting with other men in their presence, yet women are expected to stomach this disrespectful behaviour and pretend everything is fine. If he can’t seem to stop staring at the waitress’ boobs, or he flirts with another lady when you are sitting right there, you have your answer.
If he loves you, he won’t disappear and reappear without explanations. Basically, he calls you when it’s convenient for him, and the rest of the time it’s like you don’t even exist. Everyone is busy, but if he loves you, he will make an effort to keep in touch, because he wants you to know he’s interested in you.
Obviously, unexpected things come up sometimes, but if a guy is constantly cancelling plans, it might be because he just can’t be bothered to make an effort to see you. If he goes so far as to stand you up like, you are already at the restaurant and he suddenly doesn’t answer your texts or calls, it’s really time to forget about this guy. Don’t break your heart further by holding on to him.
If he loves you, he will listen when you are talking to him. You told him multiple times that it was your best friend’s birthday on Saturday, but it never seems to stick. He probably doesn’t even remember her name, let alone the location of her party. He will probably just call you later that night and be wondering why you don’t pick his calls.
If he thinks the way to get in your pants is empty flattery, he’s sorely mistaken. It’s easy to fall for a guy who knows how to turn on the charm when it’s appropriate, but when he picks and chooses when to be a nice guy, he isn’t actually a nice guy. It is true women love to be charmed with sweet words but when he does that only when he wants sex, he doesn’t love you.
Re: The pains of dating insecure men
Kate, here is another search light that x-rays and reveals what many ladies are oblivious of for so long that led many into hellish marriages and relationships. Your write up readily brings to mind two families I know where the women are currently wallowing in the pains of dating and marrying insecure men.
One of them accuses his wife of having an affair with his elder brother, while the other thinks his wife’s relationship with her pastor means she is having sex with him. Ladies should put their psyche to work and be circumspect while dating and planning to settle down with any man in marriage. –Pastor Stephen, Abuja
Kate, I don’t know what to say to you, but what I know is that you are misleading other young girls and respectful ladies.
My suggestion is for you to stop the mischievous write-ups and the malicious article you cook up thinking that you are doing what is right. Thank you. –Brainy Armstrong
Kate, ‘insecure’ character traits in love relationships are not all bad per se. Some may be expressions of genuine and jealous love and the desire to have absolute protection and possession of one’s partner. It’s a natural biological feeling common to all living things save perhaps the plant kingdom. Partners who are not mutually jealous and protective of one another are never true lovers. -0706….560
I believe that relationship is not a do or die affair. If you discover that your man or woman is not sincere with relationship, it is better you quit before had l known set in at the end. –Gordon Chika Nnorom, Umukabia
Kate, blessed be the day you were born! You are wonderfully made by God to educate us about relationships. You are down to earth, humble and one with a strong character. I am happy you don’t allow noise makers derail you. It is unfortunate that men with 17th century brain still exist among us. Let their diatribes spur you to greater heights.–Nomeh Ekene Ugwu