Dear njigirl,
my life is very complicated right now and I don’t know what to do. My fiancé and I are getting married in exactly two months from today. I have just found out that he impregnated his ex-girlfriend. From what I heard she forced herself on him and seduced him. I don’t know what to do.
In my anger about the whole thing, I went looking for my ex and we slept together. I have missed my period and I am not sure if I am pregnant and for who? Should I go ahead with the wedding? I am so confused. My ex has been threatening to tell my fiancé we are still seeing each other but it was just that one night. Please help me.
hello,
Your matter is so depressing because it speaks to a union that has died even before being given a chance at life. You have failed the fundamentals of marriage: you have trust issues and they are probably beyond repair. Whereas he jumped into a hot pot of oil you followed sheepishly in the same hot oil and got scarred even worse than he did.
It is possible that his ex lured him into bed at such a time that was convenient for her to conceive. And he then probably suffered lack of control due to some stored up feelings that still exist between them. How about you? Did anyone blindfold you? I bet you went in knowing exactly what you were doing. You might still have some feelings for your ex and if that is the case, there is a need to analyze the whole wedding plans.
Let’s talk about trust for a moment.
According to the English Webster dictionary, trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. It continues to state that relations have to be built on trust. Trust must have these elements to be free from suspicion: confidence, belief, and truth. Given these elements it is obvious that neither of you has any trust in the other person. I must tell you that trust in relationships cannot be weak or half-measured, it must be holistic and firm. It is also almost always impossible to erect a solid building on a weak foundation. Your relationship is already weak, and unlikely to be sustained. How do you both enter a union with excess baggage? It will not work because there are two other parties on the sideline who will lay claim to both of you in the near future. How do you then deal?
The lack of trust has caused many relationships to fail or suffer or both. Either way, the result is debilitating. Bearing this in mind, I suggest that you part ways before either of you choose a life of condemnation and unhappiness. There is no way to look each other in the eyes with the child you are bringing into the marriage and the child his ex is bringing to you. How can you cope with this situation? You also have anger management issues. So the next time he engages in unscrupulous behavior, you seek your revenge by running off to another ex-lover?
To avoid your confusion and future heartache please do not advance your wedding plans. I really doubt that both of you have enough to sustain a relationship.
ν Dr. NJ