During the week, Davido gave his girlfriend, Chioma, a Porsche as her 23rd birthday gift and the internet went wild. For every romantic person like me, that was a magic. Wow! Davido made magic happen for Chioma and he completely swept her off her feet. In my opinion, Davido is now the latest CSO (Chief Spoiling Officer) until someone else breaks the record. Until then, he remains the king of all. Moreover, I think spoiling your spouse should be a priority in any relationship and it should be done by both parties.
However, you don’t need to break the bank because not everyone is as rich as OBO. There are many ways to spoil your spouse that will not impact on your account balance. But once in a while, getting that special person an expensive gift can be very nice too.
Nevertheless, this isn’t about spoiling your spouse or buying luxury things for that special one. It is much more than that. From that love episode that happened a few days ago, beyond the Porsche and the special song dedicated to Chioma, I think there are lessons to be learnt.
Although we have made so many jokes about this and criticized their love story; I am not going to bore you with all that again. Rather, I want to speak to young, single girls and our mothers too. Year in, year out, girls are being indoctrinated into the world of fairy tales. And there are many girls who think that what happened to Chioma is the best thing that can ever happen. There are many girls who want to have the Davido experience. So, to every girl whose reasoning has been beclouded with Disney princess culture, this is for you and your mums. I included mothers because they are the custodians of culture and the change we all desire can only come from them.
Honestly, there is no harm in playing the princess’ role. I also understand the fun of living in a big castle and having everything you want.
What gets me angry is raising our girls with a sense of entitlement and making them believe that they can get anything they want in as much as they are beautiful. Raising the girl child in a way that makes her think that manna falls from heaven is stupidity.
I find it very offensive when people define young girls by what lies between their thighs. And I blame mothers for this disorientation. Nigerian mothers, stop raising lazy, dumb heads whose greatest ambition is just to become someone’s wife. Stop raising girls who only want to perfect their cooking and cleaning skills, stop raising girls who only care about how to keep their vaginas tight so that their husbands won’t stray. We are tired of having women whose lives centre round their husbands’ penis. I think it is high time all these ended in our generation. It is high time we started raising feisty girls. We should start changing the narrative from a damsel in distress to courageous and clever girls who can survive on their own. The story of Davido and Chioma is like one of the fairy tales we have been told all our lives. Their love story is a common thread throughout the fabric of our childhood. Although I was also caught up in the romantic uproar, but taking a closer look at the trend, I observed that there is a distinct trend that focuses on validating women through submission and beauty. Many times I watched the video and I found Chioma smiling, feeling all pretty and using her handkerchief to clean Davido’s face. Again, it is evident in this love story that patriarchy is subtly imposed in this and beauty is intrinsically tied to it too. Chioma didn’t say a word, but for everyone present, she didn’t need to say a word at all. Just staring at her was enough. They were all mesmerized by her beauty and they were satisfied seeing her all dolled up like a Barbie.
For many spectators, her beauty is a form of status and her being Davido’s girlfriend is the ultimate achievement. It is so infuriating that everything reeks of patriarchy. Davido is a successful musician, the prince charming and Chioma is portrayed as the beautiful girlfriend of a super-rich musician who got rescued after being disrespected over the years with two baby mamas. Hey! Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with having a rich boyfriend, but I think a woman should aspire for much more. What I am saying in essence is that a man in a woman’s life shouldn’t be an indicator that she is successful. A woman shouldn’t be defined or measured by the man in her life. With or without a man, a woman should be able to achieve what she sets her mind to achieve in life. It is very annoying when women are viewed as mere objects or enslaved to the beauty myth. These distorted views must end in this generation. We should stop raising patriarchy princess because the ones we have today are so pathetic that I am still trying very hard to wrap my head around their thought process. I would rather raise a girl who will make her own money and buy her husband a yacht than a girl who waits on her husband for everything.
Honestly, I don’t care if you feel compelled as a woman to run yourself into zero level all in the name of keeping your husband. I won’t even interfere if you have to start from where your mother-in-law stopped because he didn’t raise your husband properly and you feel God has called you to finish her job. And if you have to scheme, flatter, threaten and manipulate your man into being faithful to you, that’s your business. But please try and raise a better version of you, raise strong girls, raise independent girls, raise confident girls. I understand you can’t give what you don’t have but please expose them to where they can be a better version of you. Take your daughters far away from people who are against the advancement of women. Stop sharing your damaged views with your daughters, stop telling them that it is only when a man walks into their lives that everything will fall in place. All these are poisons and I hate it when women keep passing it down to the next generation. There are some things my mother told me that I know I will never pass on to my daughter. I understand those things come from a good place but because I have been able to improve myself and read more I know clearly that those teachings are enmeshed in patriarchy and I will never serve my daughter such to lap up. Never! For me, it is heartbreaking seeing so many needy girls out there. I know some day, the new woman will evolve; women who are strong, fearless and independent. We can only achieve this if we keep having this conversation and acting on it. Henceforth, every day, whereever I am and with whoever is involved, I will keep talking about gender equality. Someday, we will succeed.