This game is not for live-in lovers, but for the legally bound couples focused on deepening the marital union and relationship. With four months already gone in 2021, it is necessary to take stock and make effective corrections where necessary.
It is also very important to note that the first rule of marital relationship is the agreement of the spouses to become one as the Bible instructed. When a union is created, love, tolerance, patience and the other human attributes specified by the Holy Spirit in the Bible would now be added. It does not mean that the hurting aspect of the relationship should be neglected as well.
Now, I have a question for spouses: has any of you tried to look within, do self-examination and resolved to make necessary changes? Have you deemed it fit to forgive yourself and your partner? Forgiveness goes a long way in strengthening human relationships. How many spouses appreciate themselves? It is when forgiveness and appreciation come into play that minor corrections from both sides would be taken effectively without grandstanding. Have actions taken sometime ago been regretted and sincere apologies rendered? Who has deemed it fit to surprise the other with a love letter that is read all over again because love letters are weightier than SMS messages? The essence of walking that narrow path together as a married couple is not to spend quality time in bitterness, anger, acrimony and saying unprintable things to each other. No, it is to make the best out of every opportunity, considering the fact that one has just one life to live. Do you find time to create happy moments? Is it the responsibility of one spouse or both of them? Which of you is passionate and determined to excel at building the marriage and be a winner at all times? Which of you is giving wholehearted attention to the marriage or are you just paying lip service and kind of showing a ‘whatever we see, we take’ attitude? A story was told of a married woman who was transferred to the headquarters of her organization. She got there and got carried away with the frenzy of her new location. Soon she became involved in deep romantic relationship with one of her executives. For several years she kept frolicking with men. Her gentle husband pretended she did not exist and cared for their children the more. A certain day came, she realized herself and went down on her knees, in tears and made an open confession to her husband. She also promised to be of good conduct and never to tread such path again. The husband welcomed her apology and laid a simple curse: “If you go back to your sins again, you will die. Therefore, go and sin no more.” This man certainly qualifies as a spouse who wants to win the love game, as he accepted the sincere apology of the wife, who got genuine forgiveness.
Interestingly, when two hearts that are sincerely ready to walk together all through the days of their marital lives are, people who see them would be tempted to accuse them of casting a spell on each other because their genuine love for each other, sincerity, bond, trust and companionship could prove to understand. Part of winning the love game is to be transparent in all and every activity of the relationship and home. Transparency in everything has shaped marriages and bonded them the more. I recall the story of Ngozi Opara, my roommate in school who told us how her father, a businessman would share his money on the dining table. Her words: “Whenever my father tells us that he does not have money, we all believe him because he had always proved himself worthy. He is a contractor and not a salary earner. Therefore, whenever his cheques get into his hand, it reflected on the family immediately. Then, he would summon all of us to the dining table and begin to fill in the blank spaces. He would remove money for our tuition, save for building projects, housekeeping, relations, family purse and the rainy day. As we grew older, he would pay into our different savings accounts and that is who my father is till date; he never hid money from us. We all knew the rainy and dry seasons of my father’s pocket.” With this level of trust, Ngozi’s father built a formidable home where his children could attest to his worthy character in his absence. It should also be applicable to the women. But in most cases women, instead of sharing on the dining table, it would reflect on the looks of the children, their feeding and happy moments.
Winning the love game is also about spending quality time together, which leads to good sexual intercourse and both enjoy it to the fullest. At such happy moments, happy couples throw caution to the wind as they moan in hot romance. The greatest responsibility in this journey is for one to be focused and pay the dues as expected. Sexual relationship must not be forced, lead to quarrel. It is not meant only for the night. There must be some level of preparation during the daytime that leads into the smooth journey without interruption of any sort, including the cry of the baby. Men, when your woman starts to deny you sex, find out from her the reason for the strange behaviour. Sexual denial is not the only way women protest against non-performing husbands. There could be cold war without the man knowing. Men who spend quality time outside their home are also getting it very wrong. I watched a video of a Kenyan couple who sat down and the wife was cutting his finger nails. A stranger came in and started hitting the man. His wife inquired why. The stranger confessed that he belonged to the same ‘Single and Searching’ platform with her husband, as the administrator. The stranger who was also a married man was protesting his removal from the platform. Now, how many women would welcome such husbands with open arms? This is not to say that there are no women who trade at such places.
Then again, a responsible man or woman should know his onions, and if he or she cannot cope, should learn from other responsible and worthy persons. They should know when to draw the line, when to act and when not to. One who is winning the love game makes sure they are in line with ideas, agreements and same arrangement. A couple might agree to have a certain number of children, but along the line, the children would not come or the desired gender. It is at such times that maturity, love and bond bring them close. All those men who run outside to search for the fruit of the womb, you are very wrong. This is the time to come together in agreement and take a meaningful decision.
When a family bullies a wife, what should be the responsibility of the husband? Gloria is still suffering from bullying in the hands of her sisters-in-law. Her husband happens to be the last child with four elder sisters. These sisters were actually responsible for his education, therefore expected full respect. Gloria and her hubby met in a polytechnic in the Southeast and later got married. She fell in the same line of respect like her husband. Sisters-in-law who wanted to travel would drop all their children for Gloria to take care of. She usually had up to seven children to take care of during the holidays. Before they would return from their trip, she would go to clean the house for them but she didn’t like the chores. Some would call and send money to cook for them before they would come back from work. When they travelled for the Yuletide, she would be compelled to cook and do other chores. A pretty wife was literally turned into an errand girl and instead of enjoying as a wife. What should be the duty of Gloria’s husband? To watch his sisters, bully his young wife? No, a husband should protect his wife, to ensure peace in his home.
Do you want to win the game of love? Then, know it as a couple that you have laid down responsibilities to offer because there is a day of reckoning for every Tunde, Emeka, Okon, Tamuno, Terwase and Yakubu. Be wise and be responsible. Be a happy couple.