When Godwin met Rita four years ago, they connected immediately. It was love at first sight. They started dating. It was a beautiful relationship until she started displaying her jealous side.
Initially, Godwin thought it was just one of those things women do in relationships when they truly love a man. He would make excuses for her jealous fits. He would beg her to stop feeling so insecure. He would buy her gifts to placate her.
But as their relationship progressed, it became evident that Rita won’t stop throwing tantrums because of her uncontrolled jealousy. She started stalking Godwin. She would go through his phone, call the female names saved in his contact list and warn them to stay away from her boyfriend.
One day, she met Godwin and a female client in a restaurant and all hell broke loose. She emptied the bottle of wine they were drinking on their bodies. That was when Godwin decided that it was enough and broke up with her.
Jealousy is one of the things that can cause major rifts in your relationship. It can destroy your relationship if you don’t do away with it. Jealousy can arise in your relationship and can become a relationship killer.
When you make room for jealousy in your relationship, it leaves you frustrated and ruins your peace of mind. Giving room to jealousy is like killing your relationship gradually and not working on it can destroy you from the inside out.
Jealousy has a way of destroying relationships once it gets out of hand. There are many ways jealousy affects you and your relationship if you allow it grow. It leaves you and your partner emotionally drained.
One of the ways jealousy affects your relationship is that it makes you start feeling insecure. This is the first cause of jealousy and it can manifest either consciously or subconsciously.
You start feeling like you are not enough, like you don’t deserve your partner. But deep down, you feel that you don’t deserve happiness, when on the outside it seems to you like you are fine.
You are so sure that your partner is doing something bad that you start looking for signs of infidelity. You start waiting for something bad to happen. Even when things are going well, you still feel that something is off. This is what jealousy does to you and your relationship.
Jealousy feeds on your fears. When you become jealous, you allow your fears to grow. You think something is wrong and start to prepare yourself for it. It’s your actions and thoughts that may pave way for the dreaded situations and make your fears come alive.
Jealousy makes you obsessed about spying on your partner. When you fear about losing someone, you start becoming obsessed. You start to follow and stalk their moves without realizing that you are invading their personal space and freedom. You become so obsessed that you can’t think about anything else other than catching them doing wrong.
Jealousy is toxic for you and your relationship. The human body responds and reacts to their emotions instantly. It produces the similar chemical of what they are experiencing and feeling.
If you are jealous or upset, your body is going to produce chemicals that will make it more toxic. Toxic thoughts and emotions turn our body into a toxic system that can have some unwanted negative effects on your relationship. Nobody wants to stay with a toxic partner.
Jealousy consumes your time. When you get jealous or make space for toxic thoughts in your mind, you tend to spend your time thinking about what bad can happen rather than focusing on the positive side and producing positive thoughts about your relationship.
When you are jealous, you become excessively possessive of your partner. Obsession, by all means, leads to possessiveness. A bit of possessiveness is acceptable in all relationship but when that exceeds, it starts to kill your relationship.
You don’t own anyone and nobody owns you. When you start to feel like you own your partner, it reveals that there is lack of trust and compatibility between you two and that is not healthy for your relationship.
Jealousy is similar to selfishness. Jealousy is a state of fear, envy, and suspicion. It arises when you feel threatened of losing someone valuable or missing something that you feel should belong to you. Some people confuse it with love, but at the core of all, jealousy is another form of selfishness and fear.
When you are jealous, you start suffering. You will be the one who feels all the negative emotions and that means you have to fight the battle alone. In the end, you suffer at the hands of this slow poison called jealousy.
Jealousy gives you the urge to control and dominate your partner. You keep trying to dominate and control them and their actions because you are afraid of losing them. But you forget that you can only control your actions and emotions and not others.
Jealousy wrecks your relationship. You start fighting all time with your partner over irrelevant issues because of your insecurities.
When you keep questioning your partner’s love for you, wreck their personal space, stalk them, try to control them and poke into his/her life too much, it simply means that you don’t trust them enough.
Love cannot blossom without trust and such insecurities lurking in your mind will wreck what you both feel for each other.
Jealousy destroys your peace. When you get jealous, you are only ruining your peace of mind and health. It only affects you because nobody else can know and feel what you are going through.
When you consistently display jealous behaviour your feelings for your partner start to change. Your partner starts to drift away from you and won’t love you the same way they did anymore. Nobody would continue loving someone who doesn’t trust them and stalks them all the time.
Dear lovers, keep your jealousy in check if you don’t want to ruin your relationship. Spend more time with your partner. Get to know their needs. Show them you trust them.
Use your mutual strengths to solve your relationship problems. Talk about your difficulties to your partner. Make yourselves more attractive to each other. Introduce variety. Develop your relationship and keep improving.
Re: Marriage tips men need
When I read what you wrote on marriage tips men need, I start to wonder what kind of evil write up that is. Kate, please stop deceiving our wives. You are making them to rebel against their husbands. Men are supposed to control their wives. That is what the Bible says or is this the way you behave to your husband? Please, this is very bad, stop it. You also have to apologize to Nigerian men whom you have been insulting all these while. -Iyke, Lagos
In your attempt to bring equality, always remember that two captains cannot be in one boat. In as much as a man and a woman be responsible and mature, note that there is no equality in life and marital relationship is not exempted. Your write ups are more of your opinion and emotions. You can do better. –Toju Bee
Kate, don’t try to turn men upside down. A wife is never a master in the house. A husband is the head while wife is neck. All men know that it is the neck that turns the head but the head dictates and determines the direction it goes. So don’t use your rhetoric write up to confuse some weak men and radical wives who sing praises to you. I wonder why you advice Nigerian men to take responsibility for the pregnancy that is not his. –Ukeme
Kate, I can see that you are not encouraging women to be respectful to their husbands at all, and it’s quite unfortunate indeed. God is watching you. -Godwin
Most Nigerian men feel women are made of iron. The worst part is how arrogantly they dish these orders as if they are talking to people lower than their slaves. They should adhere to these instructions to enjoy their marriages. -Peace, Lagos
I am glad you said the things you mentioned in your write-up sound stupid because you know you twisted it to suit what you believe. And what you believe in is against the scripture, which has stipulated the duties of a responsible and God fearing woman to her husband. l beg you to use this column to preach morals and promote our culture regarding marriage. -Olubayo Samuel
Please watch yourself because I’m sure you are beginning to run out of ideas. I’m sure you were not employed to be dishing out such trash. -Chinedu Azubuike
I love your article on marriage tips men need. I believe women have equal rights as men in marriage and no one is superior to the other. But one needs to get a good wife to follow all the rules you have outlined. Well done. -Joel Emeka, Enugu
Marital bliss is primal to real success. Kate, real men will continue to appreciate your write-ups. I do not think husbands even need to wear even boxers when in bed with their wives. We need to continue to make worthwhile sacrifices for our marriages to succeed. No matter how tasking your suggestions are, we need to adhere as much as possible to them in order to improve our marital relationships. More power to your elbows. More ink to your pen. -Tony, Umuahia
I know that you are not married and no man wants to marry you, and that’s why you are doing everything possible to destroy other people’s marriages with your satanic column. You will not make heaven. God will punish you, evil woman. -Obinna, Onitsha