By Kate Halim
Should sex last five minutes or one hour? Should time be a measurement of pleasure in bed? Should couples focus more on time or learning how to give one another sexual pleasure?
No matter the answer to these salient questions, some men take note of how long they last in bed and claim that’s what makes sex memorable for women. But some others claim that the duration of sex means nothing if their women don’t reach orgasm.
Given these private and public musings, there are plenty of misunderstandings and expectations regarding sexual pleasure that are not based on facts or science. Saturday Sun spoke to some men who shared their thoughts about how long sex should last and why.
Forty-seven-year old Mr. Kingsley Chilaka said that the duration of sex means nothing to him if his wife is not satisfied. According to him, his primary duty is make sure his woman’s needs are fully met in the other room. He added that no matter the amount of money he makes and provides for her and the family, if she is not sexually satisfied, he has failed as a man.
Chilaka noted that a lot of women are not happy because their husbands don’t take time to find out what they want during sex. He finds it funny when men think that the fact that their wives and girlfriends moan during sex means that they are enjoy it. He said he came to this conclusion after a rude awakening from his wife.
The businessman, who sells electronics in Lagos, said: “We have been married for over five years until I overheard my wife telling one of her friends that she had never reached orgasm whenever we had sex but that she pretended to do so just to please me. She added that she felt cheated that I would climax all the time even when she didn’t. I felt so bad.”
Chilaka said he gently confronted his wife about what she said but she denied it. He promised her that he wouldn’t be angry but he just wanted the truth from her. He said that was when she opened up and expressed her sexual frustrations to him. She told him everything he needed to know to get her to enjoy sex with him.
From that day onwards, Chilaka said he has been taking note of how she wants to be touched, where she wants to be touched, how long she wants him to touch or caress a body part and how she wants him to use his tongue to give her maximum pleasure. According to him, his wife is now the one who initiates sex because he listened to her and made her orgasm his priority.
On how long he lasts during sex, Chilaka said: “It really depends on my wife and how she’s feeling at any time. Sometimes, she wants it fast like a quickie and at other times, she wants us to take time to explore each other’s bodies. But on the average, 20 minutes is enough for me.”
Different men, different strokes
Mr. Isaac Ekpeyong doesn’t believe in long sex. He doesn’t think that a man should spend more than 30 minutes humping a woman. According to him, most women get tired easily during sex, especially if the man is not doing other things he’s supposed to do like kissing, caressing and sucking. He added that this makes some married women come up with different excuses not to have sex with their husbands.
According to Ekpeyong, sex is very important in marriage and if women are not getting good sex from their husbands, there’s a tendency that they will get it elsewhere. He said that having been married for over 10 years, he has studied his wife to know what she wants at different times and how to satisfy her needs.
The father of three told Saturday Sun: “There are biological reasons for how women react to sex. It takes women time to lubricate and for their erectile tissues to engorge. Because women generally react to stimulation differently than men and men can usually get more turned on by just visuals, their arousal process tends to take longer to really get going.
“It’s also important to know that, as women become aroused, their vagina lengthens on the inside, which is why rushing through things can actually be painful for them.” That’s why, he informed, he engages in foreplay first to get his wife in the mood before the real action.
Give and take, Ekpeyong lasts ten minutes during sex. He said that foreplay is the most aspect of sex for women. He regretted, however, that most men do not know this because they are always in a hurry to rush in and rush out. He pleaded with married men to find out what makes their women ready for them and do these things to spice up things in the bedroom.
Mr. Emmanuel Okoduwa has been married for four years and has a two-year-old son. In his late 30s, Okoduwa believes that sex should last longer than 30 minutes if the couples are adventurous in bed. According to him, introducing sex toys in the bedroom is a good way to last longer during sex.
Okoduwa said he travels a lot and whenever he leaves the country, he buys a sex toy that he will use with his wife to get things smoky in the other room. He added that as a couple, they have a small bag filled with different sex toys for their joint sexual pleasure.
Okoduwa told Saturday Sun that one day, he was berated by some of his friends for buying sex toys for his wife. They told him that he was teaching her how to replace him with rubber whenever he is out of the country. He said that he laughed so much that they became embarrassed. He told them not to worry about his wife because he’s performing his marital duty to keep her satisfied when he’s around and when he’s not.
“My wife and I experiment a lot in the bedroom. We know the positions that make her orgasm quickly and the one that makes me last longer. We take turns to pleasure each other. We change positions quickly and with that, we take long to climax. We also use sex toys on each other,” Okoduwa added.
Okoduwa stated that for him to enjoy the art of sex with his wife, he lasts over 30 minutes. He said that the duration matters to him because he is always focused on making his wife orgasm. He noted that if his wife doesn’t enjoy sex with him, she might actually replace him with the sex toys he buys for her.
For Mr. Chinedu Okolo, long sex doesn’t mean enjoyable sex. He said that he lasts just five minutes during sex but spends over ten minutes on foreplay. He added that he is a busy man who is pressed for time so spending over 30 minutes having sex doesn’t make sense to him.
Okolo said: “When I hear some men say that they last more than 30 minutes during sex, I ask myself what they are actually doing because sex shouldn’t take that long, especially if you have bills to pay and business deals to close.”
According to Okolo, he knows the position that makes his wife achieve an orgasm faster and he engages in it so that she can enjoy pleasure and allow him go about his business. He said that if men are open to learn what makes their wives tick in the other room, they will spend less time having sex.
Mr. Victor Etie told Saturday Sun that he lasts for as long as his girlfriend wants because he wants her to be his forever. Etie revealed that women love sex but pretend so that they would not be called names by the society. He said that he takes sex enhancement drugs once a week to boost his sexual stamina and to satisfy his girl whenever they roll in the hay.
According to Etie, “I can last for over 30 minutes if my girl wants it that way. Her wish is my command. I’m one person who loves to please my romantic partners so it’s not a big deal for me to make sure my current girlfriend enjoys sex with me. I don’t want another man that knows how to use his tools well to snatch her from me.”
Etie added that having long sex doesn’t mean humping his girl for long. He said that they play and tease each other, engage in different role play during sex, use fruits, ice cream, drinks and sweets to have fun while enjoying themselves.
“For me to last as long as my girl wants in bed, I engage in foreplay, role play, touching, kissing, and other things that give her maximum pleasure. We take time to play with each other. I hold off climaxing so that I won’t leave her high and dry. This way, we spend a lot of time exploring each other’s bodies and enjoying ourselves too,” Etie added.
Etie stated that he spends time having sex with his girlfriend because she likes foreplay and after play. According to him, the cuddles, soft kisses, and sweet words mean a lot to his woman after sex, so he holds her for as long as she wants or for as long as they are awake before they sleep off.