He has not asked her out, even though they always talk on the phone like friends. He invited her to his office, and she obliged.
She arrived but the reception from the gate was unusual. Everyone was smiling nicely at her while the men were hailing him. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew their friendly smiles weren’t for nothing.
Even the ladies were not left out of this special welcome. People were breezing in and out of his office to welcome her and say hello as well.
Later, some of his colleagues gathered in his office, cracking jokes and one boldly said “My dear, when are you planning on inviting us to come see your people?”
With a surprise and confused look on her face she looked in the direction of the man who has never asked her out, to explain what was happening.
He looked at her in return nodding his head encouraging her to answer the question. He said: “Yes, answer him, we want to come and pay you bride price.”
I bet you would want to know her response?
Let me give you a clue, brothers. It is not every woman you use crowd to blackmail into marriage or relationship. There’s a saying in our local parlance which says “them no dey borrow person mouth take chop onions.”
This is a man who obviously lied to everyone at his work place that his woman was coming, without asking her out first. Brothers who act like this are often scared of rejection from ladies, so they play smart by using people around to get her to not turn down their requests.
It is these kinds of brothers who lift pretty ladies in their cars and all of a sudden remember it is time to make stops and say hello to all his friends on that route.
From nowhere you hear him say “Baby, come say hello to my friend”. Just listen to what he’s saying and his body language, watch his friends be hailing him “Bros, your woman full ground! You too get taste”.
These guys use ladies to pose, and expect these ladies to automatically become their girlfriends without them asking first.
It is also his type who would invite a lady on a date after a first meeting, while she’s laughing heartily at some of his very dry jokes, he goes on one knee, with a ring to ask her to marry him, so that people watching will be clapping and encouraging her to accept or just play along.
I am of the school of thought that no woman should complete a man’s statement when he’s asking her out. I believe he should be able to spell out his feelings and ask her out properly. She also has the right to either accept or reject his proposal.
I don’t believe in understanding what he is trying to say when he has not concluded anything about the kind of relationship he wants. This is to avoid any form of assumptions.
Asking a woman out properly gives her the right to ask certain questions that requires clarifications. Jumping on board because there are people around cheering you would most likely leave you feeling used or misled when the relationship ends abruptly.
This is also not to say there are men who genuinely love but don’t have the guts to approach and express themselves due to inferiority complex or because they are shy.
They find it very difficult to approach ladies. They would rather appreciate ladies from a distance and hope these ladies understand that they are into them.
Some will even hang around helping her to do all manner of odd jobs including fetching water, picking and dropping her off at work, consoling her when she’s heartbroken but may never voice out that they want her as a wife or lover.
Some men spend lavishly on women and take them to expensive dinner dates hoping such gestures expresses what they are unable to verbalize.
These are the men I feel ladies should try as much as possible not to be too rigid towards. We may be suckers for expressive men, but it doesn’t mean we should treat our shy brothers any how or reduce them to errand boys or mugus. We can try to make it easier for them rather than push them more into their shell.
As for those who engage in cheap blackmail hiding behind crowd to ask women out, it’s best you grow up and express yourselves maturely to avoid public disgrace and rejection.
RE: WHO ARE YOUR PARENTS’ CAREGIVERS?
Thank you for what you wrote on care giving. My mother in-law never approved my marriage to her son and she never failed to show it. But she has really changed ever since she became incapacitated. She praises and blesses me every day for not abandoning her. Taking care of her is not easy, but her words are encouraging me to keep going”
–Rose, Lagos
We left this responsibility for my wife. We fight whenever she complains that my siblings should also take turns in caring for our sick mom. Reading this just showed me that we haven’t been fair to her. I am hoping to make amends soon.
–081622690…
What seed are you trying to sow here? Don’t you know that when a woman gets married she has become a full member of her new home, thereby if the home is blissful or otherwise, she should also part take of that. This is to say she is the caregiver.
–08169915…