Last week, I talked about women and girls being endangered species in Nigeria because of the rising cases of sexual abuse cases we hear about every day.
There’s no day that you open the papers or watch news on television that there won’t be a report about girls being raped by neighbours, repairmen, teachers, pastors and family members. Some are impregnated and taken for abortions by their benefactors, fathers and uncles. This world is finished.
But instead of Nigerian men to be outraged about the present situation of things regarding rape and sexual assault against women and girls, they are busy defending rapists and blaming victims. And these men have daughters and they erroneously think their daughters are safe.
Most of the men who sent reactions to last week’s topic were busy telling me to teach women how to dress and tell them to stop seducing men with their dressing. When I asked them what the women and girls in their homes were wearing when they got raped, I got no response.
One man warned me to stop painting Nigerian men badly because they are not as bad as I portray them in my satanic write-ups. I told him that when his wife, sister and daughter get raped, he should thank the rapist for being a good man and blame his relative for seducing her attacker.
He responded by saying that he would carry out jungle justice on any man who would rape his daughter. I laughed so hard. So, when it comes to his daughter, he would gladly commit a crime but when you talk about getting justice for other people’s daughters, he will start blaming the victims.
Other men who sent in their reactions claimed that it was the work of the devil and the devil is attacking men. He said that women need to pray for their husbands the more so that the devil won’t make them fall into the temptation of raping young girls under their care.
Only two of the men who sent their reactions condemned the actions of rapists and revealed how they damage the lives of their victims. They didn’t try to justify the animalistic actions of these beasts who think they have the right to violate women’s bodies. I commend these men for being sane human beings.
The way things are going right now, little girls and teenagers can’t even trust their cousins, uncles and fathers anymore because these men behave like animals when it comes to sex.
If you think that it doesn’t concern you because you believe women and girls who get raped attract these rapists because of what they are wearing, don’t forget that a little girl was raped in her home when a repairman came to repair the fridge at home.
So what is the way forward? All hands must be on deck to ensure that these rapists and sexual predators are dealt with accordingly. They should be exposed, arrested and punished for sexually violating women and girls. Rape and sexual assault are not family matters to be settled amicably.
Parents, this is not the time for passive parenting. This is not the time for being too busy to know what is going on with your children. Protect your children from sexual predators and rapists. They are everywhere these days looking for victims to assault.
As you teach your children different ways to keep themselves safe on the streets and at home, don’t forget to teach them about body safety. As you teach them to watch the hot stove, stay away from hot water and oil, to look both ways before they cross the road, teach them body safety before it’s too late.
Talk about body parts early with your children. Name body parts and talk about them. Use proper names for body parts and teach your child what the actual words are for their body parts. Feeling comfortable using these words and knowing what they mean can help a child talk clearly if something inappropriate has happened.
Tell your child that their private parts are called private because they are not for everyone to see. Explain that mommy and daddy can see them naked, but people outside of the home should only see them with their clothes on. Explain how their doctor can see them without their clothes because mommy and daddy are there with them and the doctor is checking their body.
Teach your children body boundaries. Tell your child matter-of-factly that no one should touch their private parts and that no one should ask them to touch somebody else’s private parts. Parents will often forget the second part of this sentence. Sexual abuse often begins with the perpetrator asking the child to touch them or someone else.
Tell your children that body secrets are not okay. Most perpetrators will tell the child to keep the abuse a secret. This can be done in a friendly way, such as, “I love playing with you, but if you tell anyone else what we played they won’t let me come over again.” Or it can be a threat: “This is our secret. If you tell anyone I will tell them it was your idea and you will get in big trouble!”
Tell your kids that no matter what anyone tells them, body secrets are not okay and they should always tell you if someone tries to make them keep a body secret.
Your children should know that no one should take pictures of their private parts. This one is often missed by parents. There is a sick world full of pedophiles who love to take and trade pictures of naked children online. This is an epidemic and it puts your children at risk. Tell your kids that no one should ever take pictures of their private parts.
Teach your child how to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations. Some children are uncomfortable with telling people “no”— especially older peers or adults. Tell them that it’s okay to tell an adult they have to leave, if something that feels wrong is happening. Tell your children that if someone wants to see or touch private parts they should scream to get other people’s attention or tell you about it later.
Assure your children that they won’t be in trouble if they tell you a body secret. Children often tell me that they didn’t say anything because they thought they would get in trouble, too. This fear is often used by the perpetrator. Tell your child that no matter what happens, when they tell you anything about body safety or body secrets they will never get in trouble.
Let your children know that these rules apply even with people they know, relatives and even with another child. This is an important point to discuss with your children. Even if they love them and feel safe with these adults, they shouldn’t allow them touch their private parts.
These tips may not totally prevent sexual abuse, but knowledge is a powerful weapon against sexual abuse especially with young children who are targeted due to their innocence and ignorance at this time.
And parents, one discussion is not enough. Find times to reiterate these messages to your children, such as bath time or when they are playing. It is your duty as parents to protect your children from sexual predators and not protect rapists because they are related to you.
Re: Women as endangered specie in Nigeria
It’s very sad that women are not bringing up their male children the right way. We don’t even train them about women issue. Do we bring up our male children to respect women or even their sisters in the family? We pay attention to the girl child and leave the male child to behave anyhow. They go out and come back anytime they want, do whatever they want, and this is the reason the society is the way it is. We should teach our male children self-control.
-Mrs. Kaka
Kate, stop weeping sentiments, it is not all women that are endangered species in Nigeria. Godly women are not as endangered species, it is those that have sold themselves to the forces of evil. We are in the world of evil. Evil is everywhere even in the most holy places in the society. Satan is the god of this world and those who subscribe to his ways ought to suffer the consequence. Besides, it was woman who yielded to satanic temptation. It was woman that was deceived not the man.
-Abraham Jim
Conduct a survey and you will notice that high rates of rape occur in environment of indecent and irresponsible dressing. Exposing body parts, seducing miscreants and pastors lead to rape. Please educate and sensitize women on normal and conservative dressing, and to have good characters. Stop the one sided judgment. Women also rape men.
-Ukeme
Kate, I concur with you on the issue you wrote about. In fact, I prefer nothing less than life imprisonment with hard labour for rapists especially. On the other hand, many women are simply careless about their daughters. I believe a smart mom would always be extra vigilant and critical of some of some so called men of God like the infamous pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo, teachers etc. Busola Dakolo could have been saved from the traumatic life experience she had. Isn’t it also true that women are increasingly reducing themselves to very cheap commodities? It’s not all about poverty but moral decadence of society where women are the worst victims and part of the problem.
-Chioma Papa
Kate, why are you crying more than the bereaved? Who told you all the women who cried rape were actually raped? Busola Dakolo is a liar. She enjoyed sex with the pastor and later turned around to claim that she was raped. Why is she just talking after twenty years? You should stop using your column to turn women against men. Women are not endangered species anything. Stop making noise. You are an agent of darkness.
-Obinna, Aba
Women are raped because of their dressing. You should teach women to stop seducing men with their dressing. Men are moved by sight and sometimes, these women lead the men on only to start claiming they were raped later. Women can lie. I don’t agree with your submission that Nigerian women are endangered species.
-Chibuike, Awka