A friend said this about a single lady who worked hard and rewarded herself with a better car: “If you buy expensive car when you are single and searching, what will your husband buy for you when you find one? A mature unmarried woman buying an expensive and posh car before grabbing a husband is sending a wrong signal to would be suitors that she has a very high taste and she is not cheap to maintain. Why not buy a Beatle car first, then when you finally grab a husband you hand over the money to him, he will now buy a befitting car for you. That is the way of sensible and good house wife material” – Anonymous
A lady buys herself a car but tells whoever cares to listen that her man bought her the car. As people hail you, you are full of smiles and happy. You feel in charge. She’s well raised and acts responsibly too, so she’s for keeps.
And I swore to myself “May I not raise sons like this and may my daughters not be this foolish. Amen” An egomaniac is one whose pride and ego is hinged on a woman making herself look or feel smaller, so he can feel better. See what Patriarchy has done to our sons. Such societal programming should end with your generation please!
No child should be raised in a household filled with tension, silence and emotional repression mixed with bouts of angry outbursts because that’s what you get when you raise a child with a partner with bloated ego.
That you experienced it with your parents or you grew up around folks who attach their self esteem and worth to making a woman diminish her efforts so the man feels better does not make it right. Your daughters don’t have to relive your family history of women shutting down their hearts, feelings and achievements just to make a man feel that they are in charge.
If she works hard for her money, there’s nothing wrong in buying herself any thing of choice that she can afford. It is her right to not tell people who bought the car or the house. She can keep such information to herself and if she must tell, then she should tell the truth. A real man should expect his woman to own her truth.
We must stop raising insecure, ego maniacs and entitled sons that women need to live a lie so they feel better about themselves. Women need to know that it is very okay to buy themselves whatever they can afford and own it. They do not need a man as a cover to either save themselves from patriarchy warriors or make any insecure man feel better about themselves. Such lies are absolutely unnecessary.
In this clime, we rarely hear men announce their women bought them cars or houses. But it is the truth that women buy their men expensive gifts and it is their best kept secret. Yet, a woman buys herself a ride or house and has the need to announce a man bought it for her. Some men will even insist or suggest she claims they bought it for her. It is obvious something is wrong with such people.
If a man insists or suggests you tell people he bought you such gifts, then he should actually pay for it. It’s that simple! A woman doesn’t have to lie a man bought something he didn’t buy just to sustain her relationship.
Patriarchy has programmed most men in this clime to see a woman diminishing herself to make him bigger as a form of respect and superiority but that is not the case. Patriarchy gives these insecure men a knack for pettiness. It’s the reason they chase shadows because they get high on lies and social recognitions.
Over time, women discover that such men are empty. Empty people who will die for recognition even with no single contribution made to their women’s success or whatever gifts they bought for themselves with their money.
The dangers of bloated ego and exaggerated sense of importance is that even when commonsense is trying to prevail, your ego won’t let you concede to superior logic. If you derive your self-worth from a woman making herself feel less, you are empty. If you have a healthy self esteem, it shouldn’t rile you up when women work hard and give themselves expensive gifts without lying men bought it for them, neither should her success scare you.
A wise man understands that a successful relationship is built on respect. Such a man understands that being a man doesn’t mean you should control women’s choices, dreams and successes.
We must therefore teach our sons that insecure men are entitled and angry men who lack understanding. They are never-do-wells who think lowly of women’s successes and try to water it down just to feel high. They are selfish, self-centered, demanding men who can destroy dreams for fear of losing control.
Teach your sons that when love is unconditional and selfless, it makes it very easy for both partners to succeed without one having to feel less for the other to feel better. Let them know that being with someone who believes in their ability to succeed and allowing them live their dreams and own their achievements rather than hide under their shadows will propel them to greater heights.
We must also teach our daughters how patriarchy operates, because their peace, confidence and progress rests on their full knowledge of this system because it actually governs our society.
Lets teach our daughters about power, respect, rights, self esteem, life and the need to live well without trying to pander to what men want from them or what society expects from them.
Parents should teach their daughters to stay away from insecure men who believe that women must feel less or be less so these men can feel better because such men are broken. They make terrible partners.