Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.
One of the common threats to several marriages is strife or contentions. Most men and women find themselves where they are constantly quarreling with their spouses.
This strife has created a void between people in relationship. Most couples have grown apart as a result of continuous conflicts. While each person feels justified in putting up a fight for supremacy in the relationship, it is important to bring to your attention the following facts about conflicts in relationships.
Conflicts drain your energy. People who engage in quarrels and fights find themselves drained spiritually and exhausted both mentally and physically. The measure of negative effect this conflict in your relationship brings on your spiritual life, mental and physical life is certainly not worth it.
When you fight or quarrel in your relationship, your prayer life immediately becomes affected because you would not be able to pray anymore. When you view this negative effect in the light of the scripture, you will discover that in every conflict, there is a hidden hand of Satan. Satan uses the difference between two of you to generate a fight with an ultimate objective of destroying your prayer life and your relationship with God.
Satan is behind every conflict. In order for you to deal with that conflict in your relationship, you must first recognize that Satan is actually behind it and his objective is to steal your happiness. When you therefore engage and meddle in the conflict, you are actually working with Satan to destroy what God has blessed you with.
Secondly, conflicts create abuse of time. The time you spend in contending with one another in that relationship is not worth it. You will notice that once there is a conflict between you and your partner, it completely affects your functionality.
While at work, it destabilizes you and you begin to find it difficult to function well because you engage in a lot of mental activity as you think about what is happening. Time is being abused and that does not profit you.
To address the conflict that may be in your relationship, we need to first identify the root cause. While everyone in a relationship has very clear and genuine reasons they can put forward for which their relationship is facing storms, the book of Proverbs reveals a core reason for conflicts in relationships: Only by pride cometh contention!
This is an absolute statement, it reveals that though you may have your reason why you are at war in your relationship; those reasons exist because of pride.
Pride is the primary and only reason for conflicts in relationships. Contention is a synonym for the word conflict and it reveals a rivalry or race for supremacy as the reason for heated debates and arguments. This rivalry or competition for supremacy of opinion is actually the core evidence of pride.
Proud people usually refuse to yield grounds, they always want to win every dispute. Proud people are selfish and self centred. If you examine yourself you will realise that you are actually selfish, especially when all you see is what that other person does wrong.
As long as you keep pointing fingers at the other person, you will not be able to find peace in your relationship. Pride never admits its wrong; it always points fingers at others.
To end the conflict, stop pointing fingers and rather start admitting where you are at fault and commit to changing yourself.
Do not allow pride destroy your relationship. Humble people admit their faults but proud people believe everyone is at fault and they are the only ones right.
Take a close look at your relationship and make a decision to humble yourself in that relationship. You do not always have to win the argument; allow the other person to win by doing things their way. Things do not always have to be done your way. Just let go of pride and you will see peace returning into that relationship.
Apart from pride, the other thing that is capable of destroying your marriage is envy. Proverbs 14:30 says a sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.
Envy is the feeling of discontent and unhappiness at the seeming progress of others that. The scripture describes it as the rottenness of the bones or that which brings rottenness into the lives of many.
There are many people suffering from envy without paying attention to the fact that it is destroying their lives.
Envy is that state of sadness; sometimes unspoken because of someone’s advantages, success or possessions. It is a satanic character and it many times springs from greed and discontentment. Satan was greedy and not content with his position and out of envy he wanted to take over God’s position. This led to his destruction.
The scripture admonishes us in Hebrews 13:5 to avoid falling into covetousness; and to be content with such things as we have. Covetousness is that behavior of always wanting to have what someone else has. It gives rise to envy when you really want it, but you cannot get, so you begin to envy and even hate the person who has it.
Out of envy, when most people cannot have what they desire that someone else has; they start discrediting it or talking ugly about it to destroy it. Greed and covetousness always lead to Envy. You must learn to be content with such things as you have and not always want to have anything you see others have.
Most relationships are being negatively affected by covetousness. Many people buy things because they want to compete and not be found behind whereas they have no business buying those things.
Another root cause of envy is inferiority complex and the desire for validation. You must learn to find satisfaction in life and know that the value of a man’s life is not measured by the things he possesses.
Some people suffer from envy and give room for it simply because they do not know that it is a characteristic of carnality and is a sin before God.
1Corinthians 3:3 says “for ye are yet canal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?
Envy leads to strife, unhealthy rivalry and quarrels which in turn leads to divisions. These are all manifestations of carnality.
Why is it important for us to deal with envy in our lives? One key reason why you should deal with envy in your life is that It will turn you into a murderer.
Matthew 28:17-18 says “therefore when they were gathered together, Pilate said unto them, Whom will ye that I release unto you? Barabbas, or Jesus which is called Christ? For he knew that for envy they had delivered him.
Pilate knew that our Lord Jesus was delivered to be crucified and killed by the elders of Israel solely because of envy. As a result of His miracles, the religious institutions of the day felt threatened and wanted to eliminate him because they felt Jesus was stealing the show in town.
How do you feel when somebody near you is celebrated and you are not celebrated? Do you feel angry that a person receives a reward, a benefit, a promotion or anything good and you do not?
As a leader, you are suffering from envy if you feel uneasy because a subordinate under you is excelling and as a result you start trying to stop their progress or steal their accolade by taking the glory for what is done whereas you know it belongs to that performing employee or colleague.
Some men in relationship suppress their wife’s career and prevent them from going forward using all sorts of excuses whereas the main issue is that they feel threatened by her and are suffering from envy. Envy and jealousy are not of God. You need to stop them from your life before they make your bones rotten.
Last Line: Have you ever wondered what it means to give your life to Christ and be saved? Are you born again? God sent Jesus to die for all your sins so that you will not have to be punished for the same. To be saved means to simply accept Christ Jesus as your substitutionary sacrifice for your sins and to make him lord over your life. Surrender your life to Christ today by asking Jesus to forgive you your sins; ask Him to come into your life and to make you a new person. If you are facing challenges and require counseling/prayers do not hesitate to contact me. I will be willing to assist as much as I can.