A young man sent me a message two days ago seeking advice on how to handle his relationship problem. He has been dating a lady for almost a year and they are already talking about marriage. He told me she is everything he wants in a woman except for one thing. He said she’s opinionated and is not afraid to express herself to him.
I asked him why that was a problem when some men are praying to know what their wives are actually thinking. He said he doesn’t like when a woman acts like a boss. He insisted that she wouldn’t make a good wife because she loves challenging him and as a man, he doesn’t like being questioned or challenged.
I asked him what he meant by being questioned and he said she always wants to know what he’s doing, where he’s going, who he’s meeting with, when he will be back, and why some ladies are still calling him sweetheart even though they are planning to get married. He said he doesn’t like being monitored by a woman because he feels it’s not right. According to him, women should know their place and treat men like the god they see.
I started laughing. It’s funny that men want to behave anyhow without being accountable to their women but they expect these women to tell them about their every move. It’s funny that young men of these days want to tow the paths of their fathers when it comes to relationships and marriages without paying the price. If you don’t want to be accountable to a woman, stay on your own. Being in a relationship or getting married is not by force. You don’t go into a relationship with a woman and expect her to swallow every crap you dish out to her.
Women of these days are not like their mothers. They won’t stick by you while you are irresponsible and start praying for you to change like their mothers did. They will move to the next man without blinking. Women didn’t come to this world to live and die for men. If you want a better woman, be a better man. You shouldn’t expect what you don’t give. That woman is a human being just like you, treat her with love and respect and stop being irresponsible. It will destroy your relationship.
What does it take to be a better man in a relationship these days? Is it money, a handsome face, a ripped physique with visible six packs, a high IQ, or perhaps a combination of all of these qualities? Well, women love money, love dating handsome guys with six packs, they love intelligent guys who can hold their own and express themselves well. But more importantly, women love men who love and care for them, support them, respect them and their opinions and men who protect them from external attacks.
Being a better man is not as difficult or unrealistically demanding as most Nigerian men think. It all boils down to refining your character, both as a partner and as an individual. Being a better man is not only about giving your woman money, buying her the latest phone, clothes, shoes, jewelry and perfumes. Being a better man requires you to unlearn everything you thought you knew about women and how to treat them. It requires you to treat your woman the same way you want to be treated. Below are some points that help you become a better man to your woman.
Express yourself. Let your woman know what you are feeling. Stop tormenting your woman with the silent treatment, leaving her to decode what might be wrong with you. Gone are the days when men kept everything to themselves to the point that they break down from the inside. The truth is that the more expressive a man is about his feelings, the more genuine he is as a partner. If you feel sad, cry it out. If you feel annoyed, say it. If you feel thrilled, show it. If you express yourself, your partner will not only appreciate your openness, she will also be able to effectively help you deal with what you are going through.
Listen to your woman. Women are intuitive and can pick up things that most men overlook easily that might harm them. Stop shutting your woman down by claiming you are the man and you don’t need her advice. Listening is an art that men in relationships should master. You need to have the ability to not only hear but also understand as well as to react but not interject. Listening benefits both parties; your partner gets a confidant whom she can openly express her thoughts to, and you gain an in-depth awareness about what is going through your partner’s mind, allowing you to love and treat her better.
Support your woman. Stop feeling threatened by her intelligence, drive. charisma, dreams, and future plans. That reeks of gross insecurity on your part as a man. Your woman’s success doesn’t mean your downfall if you are both on the same page. Support goes a long way, especially in relationships. For every setback that your partner experiences, comfort her. For every milestone that she reaches, celebrate with her and for every new dream that she shares with you, dream with her. The more you show your support, the more your partner will see that she chose the right person to fall and stand up with. Life is sweeter when you know you can count on your partner’s support.
If you want to be a better man, learn to surprise your woman. Sometimes, relationships become a little monotonous, and if care is not taken, it becomes stale. This is especially true for couples who have been together for a long time. To continuously add flavour to your romance, surprise your partner once in a while. Prepare a surprise dinner before she gets back home; slip a love letter into her bag before she goes to work or plan a surprise vacation for the two of you. Buy her something you know she loves without her asking for it. You may go for a grand or a modest one depending on your pocket size but what matters is that the surprise rejuvenates your bond. Men, be creative in expressing your love for your woman. It will strengthen the bond you both share.
To become a better man, you must accept and respect your woman’s preferences. Just because you are her soulmate does not mean that the two of you should have the same views and beliefs about everything. It is inevitable that you and your partner will not see eye-to-eye on some matter, it may be on politics, religion, music, smartphone brand, or fashion. You have to accept and respect these differences in preference, unless what your partner is into is clearly harmful or dangerous. Accept and respect the whole package. You don’t have to force your partner to give up their beliefs and preferences for you and the relationship. That’s abusive behaviour.
Better men create time to be with their women. Time is priceless; it is a fleeting merchandise that can only be spent once. That’s why giving and making time for your partner is a clear sign that you indeed love her. However, a busy schedule can be a real challenge to this, but when things get hard, you have to be creative about setting time apart to be with your woman. It doesn’t always have to be long. A shared meal or a phone call may be sufficient, or worse case scenario, a promise to have time on a certain date might be a good enough compromise. What matters is that you make sure that you always allot some of your time to your partner.
Trust her and be trustworthy too. You don’t expect your woman to trust you when you are not trustworthy. Expecting your partner to trust you when you lie, cheat on her, manipulate her, emotionally and physically abuse her is like expecting water out of a rock. It’s not possible. Trust is arguably the most important ingredient of a long and lasting relationship, so it only makes sense that a man in any relationship should not only learn to trust his partner but also be someone worth trusting. If you don’t trust your partner, there’s no point being in a relationship with the person. There’s no good relationship without trust.
Being a better man means loving yourself and improving yourself. You can’t be stagnant and expect your woman to perform magic for you to be successful in life. Men, take responsibility for your lives, decisions and future. Stop blaming women when your lives turn out badly. Stop blaming women when you take bad decisions and steps that backfire on you. Take steps to improve yourselves. The better your disposition towards self-improvement, the better you can fulfill your role as a partner or husband, the more your woman will look up you as a source of inspiration.
For you to be a better man, your partner has to feel safe whenever she is with you. This does not only mean that you should be ready to protect her if danger comes her way, it also means that you should not be a danger to her. It also means you shouldn’t allow family and friends insult, abuse, humiliate and beat your woman in your presence. That’s the height of disrespect. If you cannot defend your woman against external attacks, you have failed as a man. You should be ready to defend your partner from anyone trying to assault her, but more importantly, you should never assault her. Be the safest harbour for your partner and your relationship will be blissful.
Women love men with a sense of humour. If you are able to make your partner smile and forget her challenges and problems or induce happiness and laughter in a gloomy moment, you are already on your way toward becoming a better partner. All couples will inevitably face obstacles and mishaps, and being a person who brings joy to even the most trying of situations is sure to make the relationship nothing but resilient.
You shouldn’t be behaving like Emperor Nero to your partner or spouse and expect your relationship to be sweet. You are always frowning. You shout at her, you scream at her, you command her to shut up while she’s trying to make a joke, you don’t smile at her, you don’t laugh with her, you don’t play with her, you don’t cuddle her, you don’t even hug or kiss her, what is it, are you a demi-god?
Dear Nigerian men, let these points help you become better men. Treat your women well. Love and respect your wives, stop getting angry when they don’t reward your irresponsible behaviour. You need to do better if you want to enjoy a blissful and enduring relationship or marriage. Men, respect your wives, you are not the only ones who deserve respect.