First, it’s just one text that goes unanswered. Then, it’s 5 to 10. Your calls go unanswered and the silence grows deeper by the minute.
You may start to worry: Could something have happened to your lover? What else could explain their sudden disappearance?
Eventually, a social media update or a mutual friend will give you the answer. Your former lover, partner or confidant is alive and well but they have just vanished from your life without explanations. This simply means you have been ghosted.
Ghosting, which means cutting off all communication without offering an explanation, has only recently entered the popular lexicon. But it’s a behavior likely as old as human interactions have existed.
The term originated in the context of dating, but ghosting also occurs in friendships and is even becoming a noticeable trend in professional relationships.
Ghosting is a strange behavior, it hurts to be ghosted. Why would anyone treat someone so heartlessly that they so recently liked without a message or saying why they simply vanished?
What drives this behavior? Are some people more likely than others to choose ghosting over other strategies to end a relationship? And what’s the impact of ghosting on the haunted?
Ghosting is a dating phenomenon in this day in age, and no one wants to be ghosted, but it happens a lot. Ghosting is the action of literally taking no action in ending a relationship.
The person ghosting blocks; ignores or completely cuts off the other person in the platonic or romantic relationship without any explanation.
Being ghosted by someone you love and see a future with is the absolute worst type of pain someone can endure. It leaves you ghosted with many unanswered questions.
So here’s how to deal with being ghosted and come out on top:
Recognize you have been ghosted
You went on more than one date with this guy and you seem to have instant chemistry. He’s been texting you for a few days since your last date, and then, he disappears. Dude is gone and the ghosting is apparent. But it’s not always that obvious at first.
Make sure it’s real
He hasn’t texted you in two days, but up until his sudden drop off, he would text you throughout the evening. If you aren’t sure, just reach out. Did you freak him out? Text him to make sure everything’s still cool between you two.
Call him out
At this point, he hasn’t answered your last text of ‘hoping all is well on his end,’ and you would like to meet up again. Anxiety begins. Give it a day or two, but there’s no harm in calling him out. Maybe he won’t respond but at least he will know you are not completely oblivious and that you value your time.
Accept your present reality
Accept that he has ghosted you, and make sure to stop contacting him altogether. If he posts something on social media, don’t throw a shade. It’s probably a good time to go ahead and delete or unfollow the ghost.
Don’t stalk from afar
Don’t torture yourself more by hunting his new main lover on social, or haunting him with a strategic ‘like’ on one of his unfortunately sad Facebook posts. That just makes you look like the bad guy in the situation.
Delete everything related to him
Do you have some really cute pictures of him in your photo album? Did you (sadly) waste an Instagram post on him? Before people start asking who that guy is, and before your photo album gets too full, just delete it all. And most importantly, delete his number.
Don’t blame yourself, it’s not about you
He didn’t ghost you because you are you. If you did something wrong, he should talk about it with you like adults do and not play games with your feelings. It’s not you, it’s him. He’s not mature for a serious relationship.
Be happy he’s gone
Be happy he’s gone. Whether he wanted a relationship or not, someone who ghosts people is likely to do the same to people in his life who supposedly matter to him. You don’t need anyone like that in your world and you seriously dodged a bullet on this one.
And if he decides to show up later
Do not give him the time of day. If ghosting weren’t bad enough, he didn’t even realize the fault of his actions and how they affected you. You are way better than that. Let him remain in your past.