“My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have three children. When we got married, we loved each other so much that we defied our families, fought against all odds to be together. We stood by each other and started our lives together. We had our three kids in ten years and were working to raise our children.
But it seems we are no longer on the same page. My wife has become someone I no longer recognize. She said she is tired of being married to me. According to her, she no longer feels the same way she felt about me when we got married because I have hurt a lot.
To be honest, she has been complaining about my late nights, cheating and spending money on young girls. She reported me to my family twice and they told her to stop worrying herself about my philandering. They even scolded her for checking my phones all the time where she discovers my messages with my different lovers.
Right now, she refuses me sex. She said we could no longer have sex without protection. She moved out of our room and started ignoring me. What annoys me the most is the way she wears short gowns these days. It’s like she is bent on punishing me for my past misdeeds. Whenever I call her to talk to her, she listens and never says anything.
I have begged her many times to forgive me for cheating on her. I even knelt down to beg her twice but she is so bitter. I am not the only man who cheats on his wife. I don’t know why she is making a big deal out this weakness I have. Having been married to me for over a decade, she should know that women are my weakness. She should know how to manage me and build our home.
I am emotionally exhausted. I don’t know what to do to get my wife back. She doesn’t cook for me. She doesn’t care about my whereabouts. She doesn’t call me or send me messages during the day to know how my business is going. She is only focused on herself and how to look good.
I need advice. I don’t want to do something rash. I have been advised by some of my friends to send her away and marry another woman but I don’t want to do that. This woman suffered with me when I had nothing. She stood by me and supported me until I became rich. What can I do to make our marriage better? I still love my wife. Kate, help me.”
When you are in a relationship for the long haul, you know that there is no such thing as happily ever after without working towards it. No relationship is completely perfect and both parties have to be committed to putting in the necessary work to sustain their marriage over time.
The ebbs of life paired with the regular ups and downs that all relationships will endure at some point can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted. And if not approached with wisdom, over time, you may find your relationship on life support. Coming to this realization about the state of your relationship can be alarming, but it’s also the first step in turning things around.
Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally worn-out and drained as a result of accumulated stress from your personal or work lives, or a combination of both. Emotional exhaustion is one of the signs of burnout. This is not good for any marriage because it can lead to separation or divorce.
When stress begins to accumulate from negative or challenging events in life that just keep coming, you can find yourself in a state of feeling emotionally worn out and drained. This is called emotional exhaustion. For most people, emotional exhaustion tends to slowly build up over time. It can also occur when one person gets tired of trying to communicate their hurts to their partner and they keep dismissing their feelings.
Relationship burnout can manifest itself in many ways. Oftentimes, it can look like arguing about the same issues over and over, investing little to no energy in the relationship, constant irritation, and a recurring desire to run from the problems that exist. No marriage will succeed when all these are present.
When this happens, some people find ways to symbolically escape while staying in the relationship. The most common reaction to relationship exhaustion is to withdraw outwardly and/or inwardly, and to re-direct their energies top something else. They may throw themselves into their jobs or businesses or start going out more just to escape the problems in their marriages.
Many couples are going through relationship burnout in their marriages just like the man who sent me a message this week. I feel for him but if he doesn’t sincerely change from his ways and stop dismissing his wife’s concerns, things will get worse. Threatening his wife won’t change things. There are some steps he should take and they are outlined below.
Express gratitude. when the chips are down, it’s so easy to focus on what is wrong within your relationship that you forget to be appreciative of what’s right. Long-term relationships can sometimes make people blind to the wonderful attributes their partners possess as well as all of the things that they do to keep the marriage going. Stopping to reflect on the ways that they support you and help to keep the family afloat can help to renew your attitude and outlook on your relationship. Expressing this gratitude to your partner can strengthen the connection as well. At the end of the day, we all want to be appreciated.
Remove negative influences from your marriage. While monogamous relationships should only be between two people, there are times when some people let their guard down and allow friends and relatives to have too much input in their romantic affairs. When there are too many opinions being passed around, your judgment and way of looking at things concerning your marriage can be affected. Even though your loved ones have good intentions and only want the best for you, they are often biased and the advice that they give may not always be conducive for a healthy and happy marriage.
You might need to take a trip with your spouse. Sometimes, a quick getaway is all that you need to breathe new life into your marriage. The change of scenery can help you and your partner to forget about the stressors and issues that are burdening you at home. With the current state of things, consider a mini vacation alone with your spouse or maybe just get out of your home and enjoy each other’s company in a completely different setting. Of course, your problems will still be there when you return, but you will be able to tackle them with a renewed sense of partnership and a rekindled appreciation for one another.
Go on date nights. Prioritize your marriage by making time to have the fun you had early in your relationship. With the COVID-19 pandemic in full swing, date night feels even more unattainable than it did pre-coronavirus. However, date night does not always have to be equated with dinner in a restaurant. It can mean staying up after the children go to sleep to spend meaningful time together or allowing the children sleep over at a trusted loved one’s home so that you can spend time alone. Take advantage of whatever opportunities you can get to enjoy each other’s company. It goes a long way in rekindling the spark in your marriage.
When you offend your spouse, apologize and change your bad behavior. It doesn’t make sense apologizing and committing the same offence over and over again. Consistent negative behavior is not a mistake. Lying and cheating falls into this category. It is also important to realize that you are not perfect either. If you have done something that you know hurt your partner, apologize.
Many people struggle to put their pride aside and own up to actions that impact others, including people they love. Grow up and do the right thing. When your spouse calls you out on your actions, it’s easy to jump to the defensive and minimize their feelings. However, in marriages, accountability, compassion, and the humility to say, “I’m sorry” are important. The more you say you are sorry, the easier it becomes and the more likely it is that your partner will also own up to their own regretful behavior more often.
Show empathy to your spouse. When you are uncomfortable or hurting, it’s natural to focus only on how you are feeling while forgetting that your spouse is suffering as well. Wherever possible, be sure to practice empathy and consider how your spouse may also be affected by present actions. Stop trivializing your partner’s pain. Stop telling your spouse how to react to the pain you cause them.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, because just as you don’t like to feel like you are not understood or heard, it’s likely true that our significant other feels the same way. So empathy is a must. Don’t be afraid to show it. In fact, make sure you show it and you will discover that your spouse will do the same for you. I hope your marriage gets better when you apply these tips this year. May 2021 be the best year for your marriage.