Insecurities ruin relationships. Some people destroy their relationships because they refuse to let go of their deep rooted insecurities.
It is one thing to feel insecure about yourself; it is another thing to continue to use your insecurities as an excuse to hurt your partner.
There are times when even when you think you have found the love of your life, but you still don’t feel that you are not good enough.
Sometimes, you even feel bouts of insecurities that not only trigger an argument between you and your partner but also affect your self-esteem.
Insecurities in a relationship are often experienced by people who are not really aware of their value as a person, as a lover and as a life companion.
However, there are things and practices that can help anyone suffering from this negative wave of emotion through following and believing in the different ways to overcome uncertainties especially in romantic relationships.
This is why I am not a fan of women giving up who they are or giving up their dreams for insecure men. These men don’t want to work on themselves. They insist on bringing their women down with them and it’s appalling.
Deal with your insecurities. You don’t have the right to destroy another person’s life and future with your low self esteem. If you don’t want to work on your issues, then remain single until you figure yourself out.
But if you are willing to enjoy a loving relationship with your partner, there are steps that you should take in order to feel more secure in your relationship. You don’t have to continue projecting your insecurities on your innocent partner.
You should stop comparing yourself to your partner’s former lovers. It’s one of the causes of fights among couples. It can be normal and sometimes reasonable but some people always find a way to make it an issue even if their partners didn’t trigger any insecurity.
Insecurity and jealousy is a lethal combination and how couples solve the issues that come with this combination can either make or break the relationship. It is the duty of the insecure partner to be willing to rise above their feelings instead of causing fights all the time.
If you are feeling insecure in your relationship, you can change that negative feeling by beginning to appreciate your own uniqueness. You should know that you are different and you are not like anyone else.
Don’t fail to appreciate the good things about you and do away with the tendency to hate yourself just because you don’t feel that you are special. This is another sign of insecurity and it’s the most common one.
The best way to overcome this self-hate is to realize that there are people who truly appreciate your existence and love you for who you truly are. Secondly and more importantly, you have someone by your side who loves you just as you are. That should mean something to you.
Don’t be scared to ask questions. One of the roots of insecurity has something to do with the truth, the answers that people are too afraid to hear from the questions that they won’t even dare to ask because of lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
Sometimes, the need to know the truth about the things that defines you as a person and as a lover can cause uncertainty, anxiety, and often lead to over thinking. Don’t allow over thinking destroy your relationship. If something is not clear, ask questions and be at peace with the answers you get.
As a human being in a relationship, you should your confidence. Occasionally, the root cause of insecurities isn’t about what someone doesn’t have but their inability to see what’s already in front of them: their talents and their own goodness that were the reasons why someone fell in love with them in the first place. The only way to cure this blindness is confidence.
Believe in yourself and let confidence scare those insecurities away. There are different ways to be confident and proud of who and what you are. All you have to do is to have the willingness to open your eyes.
Another cause of insecurity is someone’s failure to trust others because of their past experiences. These people believe that they cannot rely on anyone but themselves. If you want to let go of your insecurities, be open to new people in your life. Build your circle and be with your crowd.
Stop building those walls thinking that it would protect you from the cruelty of the outside world. Instead, open more doors, open more windows so that the light of others can brighten up your life. This is how you rise above negativity.
If you are feeling insecure in your relationship, find out what’s really bothering you. Find out the triggers, the things and events that can cause you to feel these negativities. In other words, know yourself better, especially the bad parts.
You have to accept the things you can’t change. Don’t grieve over the things that you can never get back, the realities that you cannot change in your relationship. One of the causes of insecurities is our failure to realize that the challenges that you see and experience with your partner are part of life. However, you can still make it better.
Start with how you see yourself and how you react to uncertainties, to events and experiences that come your way. Do you respond in anger? Do you dwell in anxiety? Or do you accept them with a kind of maturity that can help you and your lover cope and survive?
If you think that nothing is changing and you still feel that emptiness and discontent in your relationship, maybe all you need is a change of perspective. You may have to change your attitude towards life and other people.
Instead of focusing on the bad and the negative, find something in you that you can develop and draw strength from. Find your strengths and develop them. You have to realize the good things about yourself through the people who genuinely care about you. They are your permanent source of strength. Keep them close.
Value the people around you. Value your partner and their presence in your life. You don’t treat your partner poorly and expect them to be there for you when the chips are down. You can’t enjoy what you didn’t plant and nurture. Value your partner by caring for them.
People who give love and who are loved in return never fall victim to the damning gloom of insecurity. They know what they are worth and even if they don’t feel their best, they trust that the ones they love will be there to make them remember how special they are.
Always love yourself. Even if you are in a romantic relationship where you are expected to give love, never forget to leave some for yourself. You shouldn’t love someone else more than you love yourself.
Remember to never let the good things pass you by and don’t fail to appreciate your worth. The feeling of insecurities and the negativities that come with it are relationship killers. Do something before it’s too late. Don’t lose the love of your life because of insecurities.
Re: married women and the imperative of HIV test
Kate, you cleverly avoided mentioning married women who cheat. Do you think it’s only men who cheat? What about polygamous families? What’s your take on that?
–Mr. Ernest Onuigbo, Enugu
This writ-up is a must read for all married women. Your narrative is evidence based. Women should fight for their health and not live their lives as if HIV doesn’t exist. You are doing a good job educating women on how to live well. Thank you.
–0802.….82
You are on a mission to destroy peaceful families. Why are you telling women to go and do HIV tests? Do you want to plant the seed of distrust in their hearts against their husbands? You should fear God and stop fighting against the institution of marriage before the wrath of God descends on you. You should teach women to be more submissive and build their homes with the fear of God instead of telling them to rub shoulders with their husbands and use condoms with them. You are evil.
–Henry, Onitsha
Kate, you are an asset in your generation. God is using you to effect changes on some abnormalities seen in most relationships. From my heart, you have been a blessing to most men because they are beginning to have better understanding about their women different from the ignorance passed down to them from their forefathers. Never mind the criticisms from some of them, soon, they will praise you and be your devoted herald-men. Posterity will rise to sing your praise.
–Pastor Promise, Owerri
You have spoken well but what about those women who cheat on their husbands because they claim these men are not good enough? Should their men also go for HIV tests or continue to endure their pretence?
–Matthew, Lagos
Your piece is educative but one sided. What about women who deny their husbands sex? What about those who give their husbands high blood pressure? What about women who infect their husbands with sexually transmitted diseases? These are the reasons why most men seek for alternatives outside. Women have their own share of this problem. Test or no test, alternative satisfaction will continue.
–08080….78
I don’t like men who abuse you because of what you write in your column. I feel such men are ignorant. Your article on HIV test for married women is commendable. Keep writing, those who are reasonable will read and learn while the unreasonable ones will resort to insults because they have nothing to say.
–Augustine Ukaegbu, Owerri
I don’t think you can separate STDs from sex even with the use of condoms. I hope you live by what you write. I am a community penis, no regrets.
-08070….37