“I have a very angry man as a husband. How do I help him before this gets out of hand. We are now very scared he will harm himself, or us one day.. Help please..)
From your mail, many facts are missing, but I will try my best to give you practical tips on how to help him.
But…..some quick question
Does your husband know that this anger is affecting your relationship with him?
Does he want to be helped, or you think getting him help will save the situation?
Has he realized he has anger issues?
The rule to anger management and to other challenges is the ability for the individual to accept that he/she needs help. This is because when in denial, no matter how the crisis is resolved…the possibility of a relapse, or going back to status quo is imminent
Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.” Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline
We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion
From your mail, it’s now obvious things are getting out of hand.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a cancelled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feeling.
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. So, it’s not that bad every time. On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.
According to research, some people really are more “hotheaded” than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don’t show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.