Are you under pressure to get married? Does your family and friends seize every opportunity to remind you of your single status? Are you now afraid to attend family events because it will end up with ‘when are you getting married questions?’
Many people are being hounded with questions of when they would get married and this persistent questioning have led some people into dysfunctional marriages just to stop the pressure.
Some men and women revealed how they are handling the pressure to get married from family and friends.
Ukachukwu: I tell my mother I will get married when I am ready
I am still struggling to find my feet and marriage is the last time on my mind right now but my mother doesn’t want to understand this. This country is hard. My business is not moving well. I won’t be comfortable marrying a woman who will suffer with me. It’s not right. How do we even start taking care of children when they start coming? I love to plan my life well.
I tell my family members that I will get married only if and when I am ready. They have been using emotional blackmail to make me get married but I try as much as possible to stand my ground. I have to do what’s right for me.
Yetunde: I have a different view about marriage
I have a different view about marriage. It is not compulsory for me. I don’t see anything spectacular about staying with one person for life and exchanging my freedom for having children and cleaning after a man.
I have tried to communicate this to my family as much as I can but they don’t understand me. My mom said I am possessed by evil spirits and that’s why I don’t want to get married.
Sometimes, putting pressure on people to get married makes them lose interest in the idea. I have tried to calmly explain that I hold different views on the subject and I can’t get married just to please other people.
Esther: I am not sure about getting married
Nobody gets married thinking that it will fail. They certainly don’t figure that they can always get divorced if it doesn’t work out. But one thing you need is to be absolutely sure that marriage is for you, and that you have picked the right person.
So I tell pressuring parents and family members that I need to be sure about getting married before I make the decision. With the different things people are going through in their marriages, I am not sure about getting married. My family should understand this and stop pressuring me to get married.
Harry: Marriage can be very stressful
When I see what some men go through just to get married, I get scared about the idea of being married to a woman. I know that marriage can be stressful and if couples are not careful, they will be torn apart by the same things that brought them together in the first place.
The pressure my family is putting on me to get married is making me stressed. Even gentle hints I get from my uncles about looking for a woman who will cook good food for me and clean the house leave me stressed. The idea terrifies me.
Marriage is not easy and this idea of pressuring young people to fulfill this societal need without minding if they want to go into this institution is not only insensitive, it is also wrong. Some young men can’t even feed themselves well and their families expect them to marry without money and a plan for a better tomorrow.
Irene: Divorce statistics scare me
As far I am concerned, marriage doesn’t guarantee that a relationship will last any longer than an unmarried one. Marrying someone you love is a wonderful experience, but you can’t get married to please someone else.
One must be completely into the idea, and confident that they have found the right person for them before they tie the knot. This issue of family and friends pressuring young people to get married at all costs is causing people to go into bad marriages.
Divorce statistics scare me. Whenever I read about how people go to unimaginable lengths to paint their former spouses bad just so they can legally be free from them, I develop cold feet about venturing into marriage.
Nelson: I am putting my career stability first
I just got a job at a reputable company in Lagos after being jobless for almost three years. While I am ecstatic about the idea of getting married and having children like my mom always reminds me of whenever I see her, I want to build my career first.
Money is not only an important aspect of a strong, durable relationship, but it is also important for financing a wedding. I don’t want to running after people to give me money to get married. That will be an embarrassment. This is why I am not ready to settle down now.
I am focused solely on my career now and building financial stability before I get married. I hope my family would truly understand that this is the best thing for me at this time and let me be.
Whenever my mom calls me, my heart skips a beat. I feel reluctant to pick her calls these days because she doesn’t listen when I tell her that it is not easy for me now financially even though I have a job.
The cost of living is very expensive and getting married now won’t be a good idea. The money I make is spent on other necessary things and I would have to save enough before I decide to get married.
Paul: I won’t let anyone influence the timeline of my wedding
I am engaged but when people come around asking about a wedding date, it’s hard for me not to get fed up at some point. I have told some of my family members and friends to stop asking me and my fiancée when we are finally going to wed.
Some of these people asking us when we are getting married won’t lift a finger to help us with money; they just want to come and dress well and eat on our day. I told them to stop stressing me and that we will get married at the right time.
What I did to get them off my back for a while was create clear boundaries with them. One thing I am really happy about is not letting anyone influence the timeline for my wedding. I am an adult and will get married when I want to. Nobody can rush me.
My engagement is a transitional period for sorting out my values with my significant other. It’s a time when both of us get to experiment with how married life would really be. There is no need to rush it. This period is crucial and sacred. I am preserving it at all costs together with my lady and I know that we will reap the rewards.
Onyinye: Marriage is good but nobody should rush into it just to please other people
I am 25 years old and you don’t want to know the number of men family and friends have introduced to me so that I can finally get married. Sometimes, they make it look as if being single is a crime against humanity.
At one time, a family friend introduced me to a drug addict because he felt time was going and I might waste away my life before I hit menopause. I warned him not to ever try hooking me up with just anybody because he thinks I am not complete as a woman.
My brothers are also on my neck asking all the time when I will bring a suitor home. Nobody is asking me what I want to do now that I just completed my youth service. They are only concerned about making the family proud by getting married as soon as possible.
Marriage is good but nobody should rush into it just to please other people. People should stop pressuring young women to just go and get married immediately after they leave the university.