The mother of his kids according to Dingane had an affair while they were married even after their two kids Kagiso and Lesidi.
“Dingane even disrespected me before the servants. On one occasion the driver and I shared a joke, one of the few times I had laughed in recent times, my husband came out of the house with a brooding expression and asked me in front of the driver if I was f**king him too.
I was embarrassed to say the least. He also regularly insulted and beat me at the slightest provocation even in front of my friends. On one occasion Bidemi, my Nigerian friend came visiting and as usual stayed a few days with me. One morning Bidemi complained of boredom, so I decided to take her out and invited some friends to make it a girls’ day out.
Dingane, right in front of my friends pulled me by the hair, asking me where I thought I was going dressed like a prostitute. I was dressed in a long jean skirt and halter neck top. Bidemi and my girlfriends were shocked. He cancelled our outing and then offered to take Bidemi out to any place of her choice. Of course she turned him down politely. Everyone was amazed at my husband’s outburst. This was just one of the many incidents and treatment I was subjected to. I became anorexic. All my friends are worried but I am only able to open up to Bidemi who advised me to be patient that he is only lashing out because he is hurt.
I know I gave Dingane the rough end of the deal after he had confided in me the reason why he divorced his first wife Lerato. The mother of his kids according to Dingane had an affair while they were married even after their two kids Kagiso and Lesidi.
He said he could forgive anything but a cheating wife. In spite of the horrible thing I did, Dingane has not told anyone what happened. All our friends are at a loss as to why this ‘lovey dovey pair’ as they refer to us have become like cat and rat.
All this is painful but the most painful part is Dingane’s refusal to have a child. Although to be fair to him, he had told me he didn’t want another child and more over it will spoil my shape. But I had secretly hoped he would change his mind. I guess after what I did, it might almost be impossible to get him to change his mind. I am 40 years and don’t have too many childbearing years left for me.
I am a shadow of myself and live like a hermit. My only friend is Bidemi who makes it a point of duty to call me at least twice a week from Nigeria. She in fact encouraged me to come to Nigeria so as to spend some time away from what she calls a toxic environment. It was a herculean task persuading my husband but Bidemi finally succeeded in doing that and he allowed me to come to Lagos
Dingane is still not speaking to his son Lesedi, I don’t know what to do, I know I am slowly losing my mind. I don’t know how much of this I can take from Dingane. I know you are both shocked to hear this from me (that was an understatement!). I was elated when I ran into Jasmine, an old familiar face and when she suggested we see you I was happy to do so. You guys have maintained your friendship over the years, wow, that is impressive! I have often admired both of you.” Mandisa concluded her long narration giving Jasmine and I a sad smile. “Please help me, what do you advice I do?
(NB: The original names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people mentioned in this story)
What a horrible experience. It was obvious that Mandisa
had learnt her lesson, berating the poor dear at this point was just adding salt to her injuries. I can only imagine what she is going through. I got up and gave her a hug. I couldn’t tell her everything was going to be ok because I didn’t know for sure if things were ever going to be ok between her husband and her. Hmmmn (heavy sigh)