If you ever cheat on me and feel terrible about it because your conscience is on constant attack, I never want to know.
Do not make the mistake of telling me. I beg you in the name of whatever you hold dear, don’t let the devil push you to confess to me.
You cheated, I never suspected you, even if I did, I didn’t catch you and you want to ruin what we have by reporting yourself to me? Are you serious? You wish to take the burden off your cheating self and then transfer it to me.
What if I don’t ever forgive you? What if our relationship never recovers from such confession? Be careful what you wish for sir.
Confessing to me is not the problem, the problem starts when you don’t answer my loaded questions with brutal honesty.
Answering my questions honestly also means hurting me the more, after all you needed to purge your conscience at the expense of my sanity. You shouldn’t feel guilty answering the questions that follow your confession honestly.
Go confess your sins to your maker, seek his forgiveness. I have a fragile heart, I know my mental strength, I’m deliberate about a lot of things especially my peace of mind.
It is the reason I don’t go snooping around. I have very imaginative and inquisitive mind, I don’t leave things half way, I must get to its root like the FBI and CIA does.
Those annoying questions must be asked and honest answers expected. You chose to come clean, then all details about how it went down must be told, unfortunately it’s the same truth I seek after your confession that is likely to ruin what we have.
This is a typical example: Husband cheats and decides to confess to free his mind. Husband goes on bended knees, says all the sweetest things in the world to make me feel good after maybe sending me on a shopping spree; buying me an expensive ride or possibly treating me to a romantic dinner.
Then tells me how he cheated, gives reasons for cheating and why he can’t bear it any longer, hence the need to confess to free his conscience.
Wife looking intensely at him and asks follow up questions. When did this happen? Was it a one-off thing or there was a relationship? How many people have you cheated on me with? Did you even use protection?
Two days later he wakes in the middle of the night to take a leak only to see me starring at him asking questions like what exactly she has that I don’t have?
Is she fairer, darker, taller, shorter, smarter or even classier than I am? I bet you will be losing your cool by now, unfortunately I don’t care. You brought the insect infested wood home.
One week later, wife: Where exactly did you take her to? I mean which hotel did you two do it at? Did you ever bring her to our home?
Day 8, wife: Who is this girl exactly? I want to meet her, set up a meeting, I need to see her.
Day 10, wife: did you give her a head? I mean did you ever put your mouth in there?
See, this is me! You shall regret ever making such confession to me. The pain of infidelity, the self doubt, self loathing and not good enough feeling can be depressing.
I cannot for the life of me get the picture off my mind. To be very candid even if I don’t contemplate divorce, there’s a 100% possibility of shutting down mentally and sexually towards you.
Trust is gone and may never be regained. I may need to see a therapist to help me even allow you kiss me ever again. If I choose to stay married to you, I doubt if our relationship will ever be that normal again.
Call it living in denial or whatever you like, but sweetheart if you ever cheat on me except I catch you red handed, don’t tell me.
If for any reason confession is the only way you can solemnly purge your soul and cleanse your conscience and taking the therapy of confession away from you is tantamount to killing you slowly, then it’s best you go confess to a priest, you friends, your parents or siblings.
Confessing it to me is more like dumping your baggage on me. It is unfair and of no use to me. You free your mind, just to set mine on fire. Promise yourself you won’t do it again if you feel that guilty and dirty.
You may say confession helps you not to indulge in such acts subsequently, but it is not true because your confession has a 100% possibility of ruining what we have.
You may say my choice of living in denial is not the best approach in tackling life challenges such as infidelity, but that is what works best for me if I still wish to stay married to you.
If you are confessing that you cheated and there’s a possible exposure to sexually transmitted disease to enable us seek medical help, then your confession has my best interest at heart, but if your confession is just to purge your soul and free your conscience, then I’m better off not knowing.