When Funmilola and Kunle got married five years ago, it was a blissful ceremony. Their faces radiated with joy. You could feel the intensity of their love. Looking into each other’s eyes, they made vows to stay together for life through good and bad times.
Throughout the ceremony, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. It was also hard to stay away from each other too. They were holding hands and stealing kisses every now and then. It was like they were glued to each other. They even made some of their guests jealous with their public display of affection.
The lovebirds had met at work. He was a supervisor in the firm while she was a new intake when they met. It was love at first sight for them. They instantly felt a soul connection. Before you knew it, they became an item. They met each other’s families and got married. And they lived happily ever after, or not.
After enjoying her marriage for a few years, Funmilola started noticing some changes in her husband. He suddenly became secretive. He locked his phones with passwords known to him alone. He even changed his Facebook account password. Funmilola knew something was wrong but couldn’t pinpoint the exact issue.
One day, she confronted her husband who now uses every opportunity to dash out of the house even at odd hours and during weekends whether he was having an affair, he denied it. But her feminine instincts kept telling her something was amiss. She begged him not to ruin their marriage and he lovingly told her that he won’t try such a thing.
But the bubble burst when she got a call one day from her friend informing her that her husband had impregnated a young girl and her family was pressuring him to marry her as his second wife. Funmilola saw red. Her heart was pounding so fast that it was threatening to burst. She couldn’t believe her ears. She had been nothing but a good and dutiful wife to her husband but he chose to pay her back by cheating on her and getting his side chick pregnant too.
Anger welled up inside her. Her hands were shaking. She couldn’t sit still. Her lips were trembling and her eyes were twitching. It was a betrayal she couldn’t stomach. She was angry with her husband but she was livid at the girl who was trying to steal her husband and ruin her marriage.
She planned with her friend to threaten the girl in question, slap her around a few times and warn her sternly to leave her husband alone. When they found out her address, they paid the girl a visit. They slapped her, kicked her and warned her to leave a married man alone. They even threatened to kill her if she came close to him again.
With her bruised face and aching body, the side chick informed Kunle of what his wife and her friend did to her. When he saw her, he became mad at his wife for taking such an action. He decided to marry this lady since she was pregnant with his child and his wife hasn’t been able to give him children since they got married. Funmilola was heartbroken.
I also know the story of a woman in Port Harcourt who went in company of her friend to beat up her husband’s mistress because she was diverting his attention away from her and their children. This woman didn’t anticipate how her life could turn around in just one day.
Unfortunately for her, the side chick was a cult girl. When this wife who was protecting her marriage stormed her apartment accompanied by her informant friend, they were outnumbered. The girl and her friends beat them up, used razor blades to give them semi tribal marks. They were screaming for help but none of the neighbours came to their aid for fear of the cult girl and her thugs. It was the married woman’s driver who saved them and they escaped from their failed mission.
For almost a month, this woman was nursing her wounds. Her friend didn’t speak to her again. Her husband acted indifferent to the whole thing. He told her to continue endangering her life because of her jealousy. He even called her a fool for daring to go fight a girl young enough to be their daughter. I don’t blame this man. I blame his wife for not being smart about the whole thing.
There have been instances of women calling out side chicks to leave their husbands alone on social media. It is funny that these women leave their erring husbands, the ones who made vows to be faithful on the altar and go after strangers who don’t owe them loyalty. I don’t understand this.
Someone told me that if a woman loves her husband that she would fight other women to leave him alone. I asked him if the men were forced into relationships with side chicks or they have selective amnesia that they were married that will make their wives start fighting for them. He couldn’t answer my question.
By now, you must have watched the video of a woman calling out her husband’s side chic on Facebook. You must have taken time, used up your data in this biting economy to watch this video to the end. You must have pitied this woman who sounded hurt, pained and hopeless about her husband’s act of Father Christmas to a young girl.
You must have seen the picture of this girl and asked yourself what the man in question was looking for. You may have also justified his actions because in this society, women are always told that men are polygamous in nature, and a man can have as many women as possible as long as he can take care of them.
I know you must have also silently blamed the woman for not keeping her marriage and preventing her husband from being snatched. I wonder if these grown men are Gucci handbags to be stolen at will. I read many comments of people telling the woman to fast and pray for her husband because the devil was attacking her marriage and I laughed.
Dear Wives Association of Nigeria, no side chick owes you anything. They didn’t say marriage vows with you. Don’t expect them to say no to your randy husbands who can’t keep their rods in one place. If your husband has a side chic, face him and deal with him. He’s the one breaking your marriage vows. You have no business with his side chick.
Married women, stop fighting side chicks. Stop blaming them for the irresponsible actions of your husbands. I pray you don’t meet the one who will kill you and your randy husband will move on clutching another woman like nothing happened. Women, face your husbands and demand fidelity from them like they demand from you.
RE: MY GROUSE ABOUT LONG TERM COURTSHIP
Kate. Saturday Sun is a must read for me just because of you. Your article of last week is no different. But it’s unfortunate that ladies that should have benefited most from all these articles hardly read newspapers. Most newspaper patrons are men. Just check the feedback you receive on weekly basis, it’s from men all through. I will advise that you focus more on educating men on how to treat women nicely in a relationship. I think this will also benefit women in the other way round.
Meanwhile, never mind all the negative comments you receive from your readers, we are all entitled to our different opinions, never be discouraged and have it in mind that no matter how you try to educate us in your column, some of us must antagonise you. Keep it up! – Chinedu Uzoeshi, Abuja
Kate, this is the second time I am reading your column and I appreciate your write up. I hope and pray that girls would be brave and wise enough when relating with men because men are tricky and many don’t have appropriate feelings for women. You are a women’s advocate and I love you. – Nwankwo Ebere
Your topic last week was a very good one but most women get carried away by love without thinking of the future. Only God can help women in this world. Keep up the good work. –Yakubu Musa
Woman, you are on a special assignment to frustrate some ladies. Where are you pushing them to, heavenly men or the world of prostitution? No sane woman who wants to be respectably married should listen to you.
– Sunyman, Calabar
Kate, you piece on long term courtship scored 85%, it shows you are adhering to wise counsels but you need to slow down on how you blame men for every relationship failure. Don’t forget that women can also disappoint men who gave their all waiting for a long time to marry them.
– Fuston, Owerri
Kate or whatever you call yourself, kindly tell the world how many men who used and dumped you in the name of courtship because it is written all over your face. That’s why you are on a bad mission to corrupt good women.
– Greg, Anambra
Hello Kate, I am amazed at your point blank write ups, just like my wife that says it the way it is. Please keep it up in spite of the few negative comments I see on your feedback. Keep it up and God bless you. – Dr. Candyfidel Onwuraokoye
You can see you are having the support of clerics because they understand the real issues of life beyond mere outward flamboyance. However, they can’t be as vocal as you for fear of revocation of their ministerial licences. That’s an element of hypocrisy.In fact, you have a mastery of the psychology of men. Your man is a lucky to have you. I pity many women who live in fool’s paradise and are consequently jilted after an unreasonably long courtship. Keep it up, our queen of the pen. Your writings have gone beyond newspaper articles. It is now graduating to a sort of calling. I hope you are taking note of that – Tony, Umuahia