Inflicting unnecessary pains on your spouse

I read a story of how a man returned home from work with a heavy heart and contoured face. He would not relate with his wife and she could not understand why he was behaving that way. It would not have bothered her much if they had quarreled or if it was his nature. Imagine, a wife kissing her spouse ‘goodbye’, as he was leaving home in the morning, only to see him behaving differently when he returned!
Some men, in their nature, do not relate well with people, especially with their spouses. In one particular case, the mum had to intervene. She felt that it would affect his marriage, unless she did something. After his wedding, she briefed her daughter-in-law about her son’s queer attitude towards people, stressing that he had been like that from birth. She encouraged her to tolerate him for that. And she did!
The sudden change, in the relationship of the man in our lead narrative bothered his wife. It left her with all sorts of imaginations. She wondered if he was reacting to a wrong thing she might have done. She wondered whether he was thinking about another lady, and in that case, what she would do. She was aware of the gutter ladies in town, who do their utmost to seduce other women’s husbands. To do that, they may even expose, in their bodies, what God intended to be hidden from the public, which in agreement with God, we describe as ‘private part.’ It is painful and ridiculous, when some men, even married ones, fall prey to these agents of the devil.
Many years ago, I wrote in this column, how a certain lady I employed in a branch of my Christian bookshop, wrote a letter of apology to me. Pleading for forgiveness, she confessed how two fellow Christian booksellers told her that the only way to deal with me was to use her to seduce me. The men hired her for the bad job. I asked her whether she had succeeded in seducing me. In bitter tears, she said, ‘No’, and reminded me how I asked her one day I visited the bookshop, why she was naked. I laughed, remembering that day. I had just returned from the International Conference of the Scripture Union held in UK and as I went there, I saw her in a skimpy dress that exposed what God meant to be hidden.
“Why are you naked?” I asked her, not knowing that she was wearing it to seduce me, her father! Imagine! I told her to stop weeping and blamed her for allowing the devil to use her, by accepting the bad job from our competitors. “If I want to commit adultery like unbelievers, I will not do so with a mad lady,” I told her, because to me, it is only a mad lady that can wear a dress that exposes her private parts as she did.
The lady her husband was not relating with, wondered also whether he was planning to dump her for another lady. If a lady causes a man to dump his wife, so that he will marry her, he will also dump her one day, when he sees another lady he feels is better. As the devil makes him to believe that the bloom has gone from the marital rose, he may not see again that thing that made him marry her. It may lead to his doom. No doubt, his wife’s pointed breasts are now flat like slippers because his children have sucked them. May no young lady think that she has an edge over an old wife, as she will soon join the bandwagon. Young ladies are on the queue to replace her. If Uncle continues to marry and remarry, for sure, he will never have the satisfaction which marriage bestows.
Uncle’s wife was suspicious of her mother-in-law, since she believed that she never liked her. She might be right. Some of them do not like their daughters-in-law, hence my first book, My Mother-In-Law. The most important person in the life of a son is usually his mum but after marriage, his wife takes over. Some mothers-in-law do not like it, and it causes the bias. A Christian wife must labour to win the love of her mother-in-law and she must assure her that she is her mum. In some cases, the perceived hatred is mere suspicion.
Not using accusations to goad her husband into talking, her anxiety and worry rather made him to do so. “Talk to me, please, why are you not relating to me? Where have I missed it? How have I offended you, I will apologize? What…?” With red eyes and anger all over him, fist clenched and teeth gritted, Uncle replied, “How, on earth, could Arsenal beat Chelsea 2:1 and we have Kante, William, Pulisic and Tammy Abraham on the pitch?” Imagine! That was all. Soccer club interest! That was why he punished his wife mercilessly! My God, Uncle carrying his soccer club’s interest to his family!
Uncle was dying for Chelsea, and he may not be known by their players! As he abstained from food, he may not know that the Chelsea players might have been eating and quaffing, in spite of their defeat. As he could not relate with his wife, the players might be relating dearly with their spouses or girlfriends. May we never mourn more than the bereaved!
This is what happens in some homes, spouses polluting their families with their office politics or problems! It should not be so. An office is an office and a home is a home. At home, a messenger in the office transform as the MD. A spouse can share the office problem with the partner for discussion and prayers, so long as it will not cause pains to the partner. God created Adam, and noticing that he was lonely, He said that it was not good for him to be alone. He gave him Mummy Eve, as his ‘helpmeet’. God made wives thus, to be the interlocking piece of the jigsaw puzzle that completes the picture. Returning home with a heavy heart, and not relating to his wife, and leaving her in all sorts of imagination, means that Uncle did not appreciate the gift of the helper God gave him, as well as God, the Giver. “Two are better than one,” the Bible enjoins us and it will ever be so.
There is nothing wrong for a spouse to have a different interest in something, but it should not override the overall interest of the family. After all, they might have been brought up from different backgrounds and marriage has brought them together. Sadly, some spouses are interested only in the actions or inactions of things of their personal interest, and not that of their partner. In this case, Uncle’s pain that Arsenal defeated Chelsea 2:1 was more important to him than the pains he inflicted on his wife by not relating with her.
A child of God does not behave in this manner. Withdrawing his relationship from his spouse could make her take a wrong decision, as the lady was imagining all sorts of negative reasons why her husband was behaving that way. May we never inflict unnecessary pains on our spouse!
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]