Gone are the days when it was only men who carry out background checks on the women they wish to marry.
It is not far-fetched to allege a lot of women suffered from Stockholm syndrome in such marriages.
They take a lot, yet make excuses defending their husbands’ actions and even blaming themselves for how their husbands treat them.
From all indications, time and events have proven that the success of any marriage is not dependent on just one partner.
So ladies, while he is doing his own background checks on you, don’t let desperation keep you from using your tongue to count your teeth, it is advised you do same on him.
You can’t be brought into a world of misery and shame in the name of marriage and be expected to keep smiling while you are suffering.
Before you say I do, find out if he’s in debt. Some men are so shamelessly in debt that they get dragged around everyday by different people including the police.
He sneaks in late at night or early morning out of his apartment just to avoid his debtors and that is not the kind of life a new wife wants to settle into.
If you marry him, you are most likely going to keep lying that he’s not home or be offsetting the bills to save face or live with the shame.
Watch how he treats his parents if they are still alive and his siblings too. If he cares less about them, find out why, if his reason is not genuine enough, just borrow yourself sense. Such men can’t be trusted.
Find out exactly what exactly he does for a living, so, you don’t end up with a kidnapper, armed robber, internet fraudster, drug dealer, a thug or a professional gigolo. Don’t jump into marriage with a shady man.
Is he the type that believes his neighbours’ things are also his? He borrows everything including bucket, detergent, toothpaste, broom, pot, oil, TV, video player, remote controller, clothes, shoes, cream, comb, water, money etc yet, doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions.
He’s always knocking on neighbours’ doors even when none of those neighbours he borrows from ever comes to borrow anything from him.
Does he have any form of disorder like bipolar, depression, anger issues or OCD in any respect? A lot of people need to visit a psychiatrist for mental evaluation for obvious reasons before they get married.
Is he a Mama’s boy, a serial divorcee or baby daddy? How much is he involved in the life of the child or children he fathered with other women? Is he a responsible father?
The way he reacts when provoked, broke or when he’s got cash matters a great deal. Is he prudent or loves impressing friends and neighbours and goes back to square one after blowing all the money on frivolities?
Is he comfortable in his own house? There are men who will never stay in their own house. They like to visit other people’s homes, including neighbours just to lounge around. They don’t care if they are intruding on their neighbours’ privacy.
His drivers license, car papers, including spare tyres are expired, and he doesn’t care. He is always dodging or begging police whenever they accost him. His breath stinks, yet if you remind him to freshen it, he picks offence. And he will never apologize when he is wrong. Is he the kind of man you want to marry?
Does he eat your food for free without any contribution? He tells you what he would like to eat but never provides or contributes money to prepare such meal for him.
If he doesn’t support your dreams and aspirations, or encourage you to become a better you, then he’s trouble waiting to happen.
It is important if he’s a good listener too and thinks highly of your opinion. If he constantly interrupts and drowns your voice by always walking away or evading conversations, then you should have a rethink.
If he is controlling, overbearing, possessive and tries to isolate you from your family or friends, be rest assured that he’s up to no good. Controlling men are most times extremely jealous and could be emotionally or physically abusive.
If he uses violence or constantly makes threats or ultimatum to maintain a sense of power over you, then it’s an obvious sign he’s way beyond normal.
If he’s into substance abuse and it’s starting to tempt you too, run away fast. Recognize that these few signs above may snowball into a bigger problem once you are pronounced married. It is not every type of man you should marry.
RE: WHY MEN DON’T FORGIVE INFIDELITY
Amaka, a cheating woman always cheats. You are encouraging women to cheat and expect forgiveness from their husbands? It is not possible please.
-From 080374487. . .
It is unAfrican to live with such woman. The bible said that infidelity is the only reason a man can divorce his wife. As for me I don’t think I can take back such woman because my life would no longer be secured.
-From Cyprian
Amaka, help me before I die of heartbreak. My wife was caught in a hotel with my friend. She did not deny it nor show remorse. I decided to call the marriage quits. I have never been this shocked my whole life and it is eating me up. Please say something to heal my broken heart.
-From Ike