A lot of people don’t want to be alone. To these people, having somebody is obviously better than being alone. They are focused on spending time with other people that they don’t care if these people are good for them or not.
When it comes to relationships, it is important that somebody is right for you, and that you just don’t choose anybody to fill the void in your life. That is setting yourself up for abuse and long-term unhappiness.
If a man or woman is not right for you, they have no reason to be in your life. When it comes to your sanity, you have to choose you over anybody who is causing you pain or disrespecting you because you are in a relationship with them.
I have told many young ladies this same thing as they are good in hopping from one relationship to another. Some of these ladies break their own hearts by jumping from one man to another without fixing the issues that ended their last relationships.
One day they are crying about being heartbroken about a particular guy, the next week, they are already in a new relationship. At the root of this relationship hopping is the fear of being alone and loving themselves enough to spend time alone. They will tell that having a man in their lives is better than being alone.
One thing I have discovered that these ladies have in common is the fear of being alone and the fear of starting all over again. These ladies will tell you that after investing years in a relationship, they would rather remain unhappy in those relationships rather than end them even when it is clear that they are not being treated with love and respect.
When people are single, it’s not necessarily because they love it, but rather because they are confident and stable enough to remain single while they search for a good match and not just anyone to complement them.
It is sad that a lot of people don’t see the problem yet with frantically jumping from one relationship to the next. But, that fear of being alone remains one of the biggest things women need to tackle in life if they will ever be happy.
Many women have that fear and not everyone overcomes it. This is why a lot of women are trapped in unhappy marriages and normalizing the abuse and lack of love they are experiencing at the hands of their spouses. They console themselves by claiming ‘no man is perfect.’
The fear of being alone has ruined and continues to ruin lives. This fear needs to be tackled by learning how to spend quality time with oneself so that when someone comes along, you don’t jump into a relationship with them if they mean you no good. Women, open your eyes and don’t allow the fear of being alone ruin your lives.
The fear of being alone feeds on unstable relationships. When you are in one of those emotionally draining, energy-sapping and sad on-and-off relationship with someone who is not good for you, you have the fear of being alone.
Once you find someone who will always take you back, that’s a very addicting thing for someone who is afraid of being alone. But those relationships stunt your growth and ruin your self-esteem. When a good person finally comes along, you can’t see them because you are focused on keeping an abusive relationship.
For someone who fears being alone, they are always drawn back into dysfunctional relationships. You want to leave a bad relationship. You have all the best intentions. You have identified the problems and you understand that you plus that person means bad news and you confidently declare it’s over.
But then, you are faced with the prospect of being alone, and since you haven’t faced that fear and tackled it, you turn right back around, and remain in that bad relationship. You believe it’s better than being alone—you don’t know any better, since you have never tried being alone.
People who fear being alone always have backup lovers. Even when you are in a relationship that is bad for you even if it was just borne of a fear of being alone, you already have a backup plan.
You have identified someone you will cozy up to, if and when your present relationship goes south. You have started slowly confiding in this new person about your current bad relationship, developing trust, building bond and building the idea that you could be single soon.
Since you have a backup, and you walk right out of one relationship into another, you take no time to breathe and recover. You take no time to assess what went wrong in the last relationship.
For that very reason, most of your relationships likely look identical. Life will throw you the same misery over and over again until you finally learn the lesson you are meant to learn from it.
And is some cases, that backup beau you have is one of the reasons your relationships always end. Your partner sees this new friendship you are developing with this other person. They notice all the texts, calls and hangouts. And you start throwing it in their face when you fight. You let your partner know that this new person will not act as he or she is acting. But it is your fear of being alone causing you to do things that are ending your relationships.
To people who have the fear of being alone, having friends are just like having accessories that help you find and keep new partners. But you don’t keep them long, though. You have burnt a lot of friendship bridges and your friends see these things.
They see that your love life will always come first. They see that you aren’t really listening to them when they talk to you whenever you hang out with them. They catch you many times scanning the room looking for new partners and not paying attention to the discussion.
If you fear being alone, you will change all of your plans, screw people over, and bend over backwards in order to see a guy or girl or make your partner happy. You will cancel on friends at the last minute. You will put pressure on your friends to let you bring your boyfriend along to girls’ night. You will bail on driving your friend to the airport or helping her with her party planning, just to be with the guy. You aren’t reliable. You are only loyal to your fear of being alone.
That fear of being alone means you have little filter for who you let into your life, too. That means both romantic and platonic. You just want to make sure you have someone to talk to and hang out with at all costs. So you will likely attract others with a fear of being alone, and find yourself in many unhealthy, codependent friendships.
You may also let in some friends who just aren’t nice to you—friends who boss you around, who belittle you, who treat you like a doormat, and who generally take advantage of the fact that you need them. Domineering personality types seek out those who are afraid of being alone so that they can boss them around.
The fear of being alone leaves you not focusing on you. What about you as an individual? Who are you? What do you want? Is there anything you want to work on? Are there places you would like to travel to? Are there skills you would like to hone? You may not even think about those things because all you focus on is how to find a partner and be a lover at all times while life keeps passing you by.
You really can’t put your personal journey first when you are afraid of being alone. Working on yourself requires time alone, and that’s just time you are not willing to take. You can’t possibly just do you when you have a shitty romantic partner. So you have never given yourself the freedom to pursue your passions and goals at full speed.
The fear of being alone kills your confidence. Although you may chase relationships to appease your low self-esteem, you are only making it lower by doing so. You are training your brain to believe that you cannot be alone, that you won’t survive alone and you don’t know how to be single. That’s crippling for self-esteem.
You never speak up when you are unhappy in a relationship whether platonic or romantic when you dread being alone. You just want the person to stay even if they are treating you badly. You are so afraid that making any sort of demands would drive a person away, so you make no demands, and you tolerate miserable and unhappy relationships.
If you have the fear of being alone, people will find it hard to trust you. They struggle to trust you. How can they trust you if each time you say “it is over” with a guy, you get back again with him? Or each time you say you are going to voice your needs in a relationship, you don’t because you don’t want to be alone?