For making Governor Ajimobi engage in photo shoots he didn’t plan for Laughter Line confers on Yinka Ayefele the Jagunmolu 1 of The iron-gods-with-the-feet-of-clay Kingdom of Ibadan.
Brothers and Sisters in crisis, abeg, make una no vex o. In this season of flurry of awards to both the deserving and the undeserving, for pecuniary reasons, I believe, I have decided to give out my own awards for 2018, free of charge. I mean, there couldn’t have been no other way of retaining the integrity of this award.
My first award goes to NYSC certificate. You touch it you are in trouble. You didn’t touch it you are in soup. You forged it you are in bad shape. You didn’t frame it, you are in no good shape. Ask Kemi Nelson, our former Minister of Finance who was given the larger-than-life size copy of it reportedly signed by a dead man. And, she couldn’t know the difference until the bubble burst. NYSC certificate? Oh my God! You serve our nation with it you are not luckier than others. You serve us, without it you have some explanations to make. Ask Adebayo Shittu, the Minister of Communication.
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, before the NYSC certificate of a thing became a 2018-headed monster that couldn’t be tamed with finances or communication, I used to call it kpali or asambodo. But now that the non-possession of it or the possession of the fake copy of it could send some people packing from their exalted office, I feel it is high time we gave honour to whom honour is due by ceasing to call it kpali or asambodo any longer. So? Step forward and collect your rightful honour, our dear NYSC certificate as the Snare Charmer of the Year!
Next to NYSC certificate is the West African Examination Council’s Senior Secondary Certificate Examination (SSCE) which result they said Senator Ademola Adeleke, Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) of Osun State, forged. They alleged that the Secondary School Testimonial and SSCE Statement of Result presented by the dancing governorship candidate contained a lot of discrepancies that needed a lot of clarifications. Before then, President Muhammadu Buhari had gotten into trouble for not presenting a true-certified copy of his own certificate which he claimed was with the office of the secretary to the Nigerian Army. That was before the WAEC head came to his rescue by presenting to him an embossed copy of the certificate. So? Where would you have loved to place a so-called piece of paper that can cause such outcries and upheavals? Not certainly among the kpalis and asambodos. So, step forward and collect your 2018 award as the Certificate of the Year, WASSCE!
Having done with the paperwork aspect, I think it is only fair that we move over to the human side. He danced Shaku Shaku, una no gi am governorship position. He danced Awilo, una still deny him his governorship candy. He danced for Davido, una giam one useless WAEC certificate with only one pass and accused him of forging the rest of the result, as a form of compensation, I suppose. He danced for you but instead of dancing for him as Duncan Mighty urged us, una decided to repay his dance gestures with a bad coin. Bad belle people. Una go die beta so? So, for dancing his way into controversy and WAEC scandal which case is still on in court, Adeleke deserves his award: the 2018 Dancer of Fortune.
One of the enduring photos of 2018 is that of Governor Akinwunmi Ambode, Governor of Lagos rushing to take a photo with Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu the Lion of Bourdillon, at one of the public functions. That was at the height of his alleged face-off with Tinubu who was going to pick the APC ticket for the state. Tinubu, it was alleged, favoured Babajide Sanwa-Olu (BOS) to pick the ticket while Ambode seemed to have anointed himself for second term in office, although Tinubu claimed that his supporters and followers did, not him. As it is, Sanwo-Olu is, today, the BOS (S). Didn’t somebody just say that the cane that was used in beating into line the old wife is also kept somewhere to be used on the new wife? And, so will it be world (word?) without end, Amen? But not to worry, Ambode deserves his award: 2018 Governor No Bad Term Deserves Another.
Tell me the thing that made a king lick ash. I agree it is the pear. But could you tell me the physically challenged intrepid music maestro who begged a recalcitrant governor not to destroy the fence of his radio station which they said was not built according to law although the law initially gave him the permission to do so?
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, I have the pleasure to introduce to you Yinka Ayefele, the Atawewe of Ibadan politics who made a governor to change his daily schedule to invite him for a photo shoot when he realized that the game was up. So, for making Governor Ajimobi engage in photo shoots he didn’t plan for Laughter Line confers on Yinka Ayefele the Jagunmolu 1 of The iron-gods-with-the-feet-of-clay Kingdom of Ibadan.
What else do we remember the 2018 for? That was the year our President was said to have invited his twin brother from Sudan called Jubrin to come and share the spoils of the office with him at Aso Rock. Nnamdi Kanu the man who made the ‘revelation’ possible even provided us with montage photos completely encircled with red markings to show that he was not making the allegations up. Initially, the President refused to comment on the matter. But when the rumour became so widespread that many newspapers were feeding fat on it, the President was forced to open up in faraway Poland to deny that he had no double anywhere – Nigeria, Sudan or outside Africa. So, for making a lie stick so much that millions of Nigerians came to believe it as the truth, for beating Joseph Goebbels, Adolf Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda, in his own game and, for clarifying a confusing issue, though belatedly, both Kanu and Buhari deserve awards. Kanu: 2018 Mesmeriser of the Fly In A Fouled Air. Buhari: 2018 Survivor of Kanu’s Scud Missile.
You must have heard of Rochas Okorocha’s ambition to build an empire or political dynasty for himself and his family in Imo, and Adams Oshiomhole’s decision to scuttle the dream, right? Good! So, what prize or award do you think we should give to him for surviving Oshio-Baba’s big hammer and still retrieving something (APA nkwu?) out of his battered or, is it tattered reputation?