The Young Shall Grow. If you believe it, vote for YPP. If you are a yuppie, this is the party to vote for in 2019.
Some years ago, a student who was having some difficulty distinguishing which is which among the three school subjects that make up the sciences: biology, chemistry and physics, asked his younger brother to put him through. His answer: if it moves, it is biology. If it reacts, it is chemistry. If it neither moves nor reacts, it is physics. Brilliant, isn’t it? I have chosen to use the same method to guide some of you, Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, who are confused on which party to vote for, among the 79 registered parties or so, in the 2019 general elections. So, here we go.
If you want fresh tomato, fresh bread, fresh beans, fresh banana, fresh vegetable, fresh corn, fresh pear, fresh onion, fresh ogbono soup, fresh soup, in fact, Aqua Fresh toothpaste, vote for FRESH Democratic Party of Rev. Chris Okotie.
If you want the allied forces who fought and defeated Saddam Hussein and sent him and his Republican Guards packing from Kuwait which they once invaded and annexed as the 19th province of Iraq, to come here, fight and send Boko Haram, Islamic State for West Africa, kidnappers, ritual killers and 419 people packing out of Nigeria vote for the Allied Congress Party of Nigeria (ACPN), of Obiageli Ezekwesili.
By the way, her surname, Ezekwesili, in Igbo, means “the crown or kingship fits this one.” If you believe it, then vote for her party. Vote for her party too if you want your PIN to be stored in air-conditioner (AC) until the next time you need to use it. As far as I am concerned, that’s what the initials of her party (ACPN) means. I say, vote for her party if you want the name of our Upper and Lower Chambers, Inner and Outer Chambers, Red and Blue Chambers, or whatever chamber that exists in our National Assembly to be changed to Congress and our legislators asked to come there to work only on voluntary basis, rather than collecting jumbo package as seating allowance, for sleeping through the sessions, most of the times.
Vote for Donald Duke’s SDP, Social Democratic Party, if you want to defeat the National Republican Congress (NRC), like Chief MKO Abiola did on June 12, 1993. But that is, if only you know which of the parties we can refer to, today, as the NRC. Do you know? Vote for him too, those of you who intend to run for the post of Social Prefects in our secondary schools and tertiary institutions. And, you workaholics who would work and work and work until there is no time to socialize, no time to attend friends’ birthday parties, this is the party to vote for and I want to assure you that you will have plenty of time left for owambe, any day, any time.
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, I take God beg una, please, try to socialize while you are alive. Let me say this: if you don’t, there will be nobody willing to attend your funeral and see that you are given a decent burial when you die! So? Vote for Social Democratic Party to continue to enjoy the fruits of socialization, in life as at death.
Vote for Nwokeafor Ikechukwu’s Advanced Congress of Democrats (ACD) if you want plenty supply of acid. But, please, let it not be for acid attack o! Step in here for political anointing, Kingsley Moghalu of Young Progressives Party (YPP). Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, this is the party that Chief Vincent Amaechi Obianodo saw in a vision, many years ago, in 1972 as to name his motor transport business, The Young Shall Grow. If you believe it, vote for YPP. If you are a yuppie, this is the party to vote for in 2019. Come to think of it, if you don’t vote for one of your own to capture power at the centre and hold it until those of us who have refused to join our ancestors, do so, who will capture it for you? An agbalagba, agbaya or okenye na-agwo ofe like me? You must be joking.
Those of you who always like to dismiss things with expressions like “nothing mega” (not much that is worth one’s interest or attention is happening here), vote for Mega Party of Nigeria (MPN), not NPN, mind you, of Hamisu Santuraki, and I want to assure you that something will begin to happen in Nigeria sooner than you think.
A neighbour came to my wife, the other day, to borrow her blender, because her own has just spoilt. I told my wife to tell her that if she wants a blender for free she should vote for Moses Shipi’s All Blending Party (ABP), in the 2019 election. But she replied that she can only do so if she wants to continue to blend egusi and ogbono. This is to hope that she will take my dishonest advice.
Who wants a ride in Honda Accord jeep or car next year? In fact, who wants it as a gift this Christmas? Raise your hand if you want. Good. If you do, please vote for Isaac Ositelu’s Accord Party in the 2019 election. And, on their behalf, I want to assure you that you will surely get one. And, just as I was writing this, someone said to a fellow standing beside me that he seems to be green with envy over APC and PDP’s political popularity and I asked him whether the person he is accusing of being green with envy belongs to Samuel Eke’s Green Party of Nigeria (GPN). Vote for him, those of you who want Geepee tanks installed in your residences at no extra cost and, vote for Omoyele Sowore’s Africa Action Congress (AAC) if you want to continue to watch “action films.”
If you want a party that doesn’t believe in godfatherism, but in the deepening of democracy, vote for APC. Speaking on the rumoured defections of some APC chieftains aggrieved with the outcome of party’s primaries, to some other parties, the National Publicity Secretary of the party, Mr. Lanre Issa-Onilu, who insists that the defections will not affect the party’s chances in 2019 elections said the party would take solace in the fact that it was doing the right thing by its actions which he said were aimed at deepening democracy. He added that the party does not believe in godfatherism. So? If you want a party that does not believe in that, except the Tinubu type, vote for APC.
“There is something that all of us need as human beings, everybody eats,” Nigeria’s former President, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, said at the kick-off of PDP presidential rally recently in Sokoto. “Everybody, every day must eat, and if you cannot eat well, then you are not happy. The PDP is the only party that can make sure all of us eat very well in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening.” So? If you want to chop three times a day, in Atiku, Jonathan or Secondus’s house, without money, vote for PDP.