No two marriages are the same. Every marriage has their peculiar challenges. But the way they are resolved differ from marriage to marriage. However, the formula is one-once the word of God used as the solution, then there will always be answers of peace and the couple or partners will enjoy a life of heaven upon the earth.
Today, I take some more time to deal with issues that various marriages face. I will take time to give attention to questions that have come in from our readers and followers. I trust God to heal every home and restore peace where needed.
Q: My marriage is about three years now. My husband and I are both believers but we don’t seem to understand ourselves. Most times, we argue about nearly everything. In trying to resolve the issues we end up arguing the more and sleeping off without resolving anything. In other for peace to reign, I sometimes bottle things up just to avoid unnecessary arguments but sincerely I’m deeply hurt inside. I sometimes wonder if I actually made a mistake. Kindly advise sir.
A: The first step to dealing with this situation is to try to pray against the spirit of strife. Satan is responsible for the constant arguments and disagreements and he is actually behind it and it is important to be aware that the root cause of the constant arguments is Satan.
This is why you must deal with it in prayer. Secondly, bottling things up is not the solution. It is important to express your hurt in the spirit of meekness. The problem most times is that instead of holding a civil conversation, most couples complain, murmur and nag.
Q: My husband is jealous and over-possessive. Each time he sees me chatting/laughing with a colleague he feels very uncomfortable. Sometimes he just shows up unexpectedly in my office. I see some of his actions very embarrassing sometimes. I’ve been married for 5yrs and nothing much has changed in that regard. I’ve discussed that with him a couple of times. He kept saying it’s because he loves me. Please sir, is that actually love? Because I don’t like it.
A: You need to speak to him about the need for him to trust you. If you are unhappy with such an action, you must engage with your husband with the spirit of meekness and plead with him to allow you freedom to be yourself. Also on your part, you need to adjust your comportments knowing that now you are a married woman. If you have to be with people of opposite sex, it is important to carry your husband along. Suspicion most times builds when you do not communicate properly about your movements and people you communicate with.
Q: Sincerely sometimes I’m not in the mood for lovemaking. When I tell my husband I’m not in the mood, he feels offended. It shows in his actions the next day. He may not even initiate any discussions again until I do. The atmosphere in the house is tensed…just because I said I was not in the mood. Sir I must say I don’t deprive him sex always. All I’m saying is that he should understand when I’m tired and not in the mood. I feel irritated at that instance when I’m not in the mood and he’s touching me. Pastor, should I always be in the mood? Shouldn’t I be tired sometimes?
A: Sex is an obligation that you owe God to give to your spouse. If your spouse wants it, then you must offer it to him or her as a sacrifice to God. If you see sex as something you owe God to give to each other then you will respond in season and out of season.
Q: Before I got married, my hubby was sending me very romantic poems and text messages. Just like the ones we see in Songs of Solomon and I was enjoying them so much. This is by the grace of God my 10th year in marriage I can’t remember when I received such romantic poetic text last (over 5yrs ago). I’m the type of person that love hearing, seeing and receiving such messages. Although, I wasn’t doing anything then to receive them. Pastor please do I need to do anything just so I start enjoying such romantic gesture from hubby?
A: I think you need to lovingly as him to resume the love letters. Sometimes we forget and backslide easily in our love commitments that it becomes necessary to be reminded. And for the husband we need to take the little things that our wives say they love us to do seriously. Do not just wave it off as insignificant. Every relationship needs to be constantly oiled to keep it fresh.
Q: Both my wife and I work and receive salary at the end of the month. But since we got married, she has not been contributing financially to anything in the house…not even on herself. I’ve been the one shouldering all the finances/expenses in the house. I’m presently not finding it funny.
A: It is important for couples to operate the principle of oneness in the area of finances as well as every other area. Wife if you are on this forum, it is important for you to be a help meet, not only in domestic affairs but also financially too. Greed and stinginess is not of God. It is stinginess that makes anyone to hoard his or her finances. It is also not a sign of faith in God’s supply. If God is your source and you truly believe in it, you will be very generous and will never hoard your money.
Q: You have a husband that doesn’t know how to prioritise things when it comes to spending. For example, when he has money you expect him to handle some major issues in the family rather he chooses to spend on the things that are not all that important until the money finishes. He does not take your advice, he’ll be the one to start complaining when the money finishes.
A: Well both of you need to sit down and develop a financial plan. List all your recurrent monthly expenses and your total income. Then apportion the money as appropriate. In every relationship one person is always the purchasing office while the other is the accountant. The accountant should be allowed to handle the funds disbursement and I believe every person needs to honestly recognise what type of person he or she is and allow the other person to play the role that can help the family better.
Last Line: Have you ever wondered what it means to give your life to Christ and be saved? Are you born again? God sent Jesus to die for all your sins so that you will not have to be punished for the same. To be saved means to simply accept Christ Jesus as your substitutionary sacrifice for your sins and to make him lord over your life. Surrender your life to Christ today by asking Jesus to forgive you your sins; ask Him to come into your life and to make you a new person. If you are facing challenges and require counseling/prayers do not hesitate to contact me. I will be willing to assist as much as I can.