Oftentimes, people go into relationships hoping it would last forever. But life happens and they find themselves alone again after investing time, and emotions on the person they love.
It hurts so much to go through a break up and many people make the mistake of rushing into another relationship without taking time to heal from the hurts of their last relationship.
The men and women who spoke to Effects revealed what they did after messy breakups.
Olufunke: Rushing into new relationships might spell disaster
If you are jumping from one bad relationship to the next, it may be a sign that you are taking things a bit too fast and rushing into new relationships without really healing from the past one. New relationships are fragile and rushing through them without taking time to heal from your past hurts might spell disaster.
I learnt this the hard way after I went into a new relationship one month after I broke up with my ex boyfriend. I thought I was getting back at him for dumping me for another girl. I didn’t know that it would make my heart worse.
While I aspired to being in a steady relationship and getting married, being single for a while won’t hurt me. I learned that I needed time to heal so that I won’t mess up my new relationship based on what my ex did or didn’t do.
For me, a new relationship is extremely exciting because the endorphins are coursing around my body and I feel light headed with romance but if I really want it to last, it’s important to apply the brakes a little and take it easy especially as I am still hurting from my last breakup.
Given what I know now, it is not advisable to jump into a rebound relationship after my last one so that I won’t heap my emotional frustrations on an innocent person. It is important to heal first and then go into a new relationship a better person.
Ifunanya: I gave myself a break before I moved on to someone new
My last relationship was a really bad one and I needed time to get over it. It was hard for me to continue seeing my ex boyfriend at work and dealing with all the pains in my heart.
It was so hard dealing with his absence in my life. I couldn’t simply erase someone that I have been close to from my mind. I had strong feelings for him and even pictured us getting married at some point.
I knew within myself that I needed time to heal. So, I gave myself a break, before you move on to someone new. That way, we started on a clean slate and he didn’t have to deal with my unnecessary mood swings.
Johnson: I learnt that I have plenty time to fall in love
Despite what some people say, people can fall in love at any age. So don’t rush things, the right person will come along eventually. You don’t have to jump into a dysfunctional relationship because you want to be with someone.
I discovered this after my ex broke my heart to pieces four years ago. I was so hurt that I thought my life had ended. I became withdrawn and hated people in happy relationships. I didn’t know that something greater was ahead.
Today, I am in a healthy relationship with a young woman who is better than the one who dumped me over a flimsy excuse. We are getting married in December and my life is now meaningful.
Chioma: I went into a new relationship just to prove a point to my ex
I was angry with my ex and went into a new relationship immediately after we broke up earlier this year. I just wanted to prove a point that I didn’t need my ex but I was lying to myself.
But I was hurting so much that I started losing weight without exercises. It became worse after he got married to my former neighbor. I kept asking myself why he chose her over me. I asked myself many times what she had that I didn’t have and that drove me into a depressive state.
Don’t rush into a new relationship, just to prove that you can, that is not the way that something great starts.
Christopher: I was scared of being alone that I went into a new relationship
After my ex girlfriend broke up with me six months ago, I was so scared of being alone that I jumped into a relationship for that reason alone. I was just using the new girl and playing with her emotions because I wanted to get over my ex by force. In the long run, both of us became miserable because she was competing with someone in my past.
Valerie: My new partner started taking advantage of me
I learnt from experience that people are not always what they appear to be. I came out of a bad relationship and instead of dealing with my hurts and heartbreak, I started going out going out with another guy.
I was vulnerable but didn’t think much about it until my new guy started to take advantage of me. He started telling me what to wear, where to go, who to hang out with and how much of my money I can spend. That was when alarm bells went out in my head.
He was too good to be true and I didn’t think about his abusive tendencies because I wanted to be in a new relationship. He came to take advantage of me.
Grace: I went into a new relationship because I was bored
When I first came out of a relationship, I discovered I had too much time on my hands. Unfortunately, that was the reason that I jumped straight into a new one. And we kept having problems because I was having emotional issues. I needed some company and instead of going out with friends or family, I started dating a guy who brought me more heartache.
Romanus: After my relationship ended, I started craving some physical comfort
After my last relationship ended, I started craving some physical comfort. I didn’t know how to handle my loneliness. It taught me that just because someone is there when you need a cuddle or some comforting, doesn’t mean that they will make an ideal partner. Friends may well offer you a shoulder to cry on, but don’t mistake that for anything more than it is.
Rachael: I was influenced by others to start dating someone else
After my boyfriend of two years called off our relationship when he travelled abroad, I was influenced by some friends to start dating someone else. That was a wrong move. I didn’t take time out to deal with my emotions.
My friends convinced me to get back to dating, before I was really ready. I dated just to please them and it backfired. My new partner didn’t make me happy. We broke up after four months.
Vivian: I am not in a rush to be in a new relationship
I owe it myself to make sure that I am happy. I learnt this after my last breakup. Rushing into a new relationship too soon is not a good idea. Most importantly, I am special, and I deserve to be happy. Anyone who is worth dating will know this and he will wait until I am ready, so I am not in a rush to be in a new relationship.