Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, in case you don’t know or you are not aware, I have here with me the arrest and search warrants given to me by the Acting Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu. He has given me the permission, nay, the order to arrest any policeman found escorting a Very Important Politician (Prisoner?) in today’s Presidential election and I am determined to carry out his order.
Like the IG said the other day at a joint-signing of Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) between Election Transition Monitoring Group (TMG) with HEDA Rescource Centre and others, any police personnel caught in company of politicians or other categories of Very Important Personalities (VIPs) today and on other election days will be prosecuted.
Speaking on the occasion, the acting IG urged that any police officer and security personnel attached to election centres, from polling booths to the collations centre that are not wearing identification tags should be immediately reported to the relevant security agencies.
Asked what would happen to such policemen, Adamu reiterated: “I said it before and let me repeat it here, on election day, nobody will move with police personnel and we have told our personnel that if we see them moving with any VIP, whether in uniform or mufti, they will be arrested.”
You should now understand why I have chosen to stay behind after casting my vote in today’s election. It is not to stay and watch my vote, to make sure it counts as we had been instructed by various political parties. Contrary to that, I am staying to watch and see whether any politician will stray into the voting venue, accompanied by female-bag or men-suitcase-carrying policemen. That’s why I would want to wait, not because of my vote. I would want to see whether any policeman, with or without uniform, will come there to harass or intimidate voters. It is that time he will see my red eyes.
Imagine me walking boldly up to him and demanding to see his ID card and he looking at me, from head to toe and toe to head and demanding in his usual gruff voice, who you be sef?
Me: You wan know? I be one of those monitoring people from IG asked to arrest and detain policemen escorting VIPs or carrying either their suitcases or their wives’ bags during election. Oya, make you follow me make we go see the IG.
Policeman: I don die, Oga, please, make you mercy for me. Na hunger carry me comot for house. E no bi say I wan disobey IG’s instruction.
Me: Sure! Make you tell dat hunger wey carry you comot for house to carry you back to where he took you from, you hear?
Policeman: I don hear Oga, I no go do am again, I swear to God.
Me: If you like swear to Satan, whenever the IG gives instruction, it is your duty to obey.
Policeman: (Kneeling down) I know. As I promised, I no go do am again, I swear. I no know the thing wey carry me comot for my duty post this morning.
Me: Maybe na long throat!
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, police has been arresting us. This time around I would want to taste what it feels like arresting a policeman who went against the law and IG’s directive. It will be something worth experiencing.
It reminds me of a WhatsApp message an acquaintance sent to me sometime last year. It read:
“I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it (The door lock is faulty). As usual, he wanted ‘something’ from me for calling while driving….Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
Policeman (shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Me: (I bone face). Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?
Policeman (feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from?
Me: From Hospital
Policeman: Ehen! You sick?
Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like dat?
Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person
Policeman: The dog know you?
Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Me: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open (The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward), Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Me: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anything since morning. Na only N1,000 dey with me.
Me: You never ready (I looked back at the dog).
Policeman: Ok ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join (Now close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient). Oga, I be…..g, Oga sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door pleasssse.
Me: Oya, bring am (I collected the N2, 000 and allowed him out of the car).
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man.
Re: Operation deface Lagos: Sanwo-Olu,
Yayi suspend LASAA campaign
Whether you like it or not, LASAA will still have the last laugh. Just let this election come and go and I bet you if LASAA will not go about removing all those political posters, billboards and banners that seem to make Lagos looks like a junkyard.
Chika Nnorom, Umukabia, 080628887535