A young man is not happy with his girlfriend. He is angry with her for blatantly refusing to support him financially. According to him, he has been working on a little project for five years now.
He has been building a four self-contain apartment so that he can rent it out to make money. He said that money has been a challenging factor as the money he makes working goes into this project.
Suddenly, his girlfriend said she wants to go for her master’s degree. He asked her if she has money to do that as he won’t be able to support her and she said yes.
The sensible young lady said she has saved up to N700, 000 to further her studies. The young man was disappointed in her. He asked her why she held on to that amount of money when he is always struggling to raise money to complete his building project.
He begged her to give him the money she had saved for her master’s degree so that he can use it to finish his project and after he rents out the apartments, he will pay her back. Young lady blatantly refused.
Now, the young man is saying that his girlfriend is selfish and self-centered. He stated that the master’s degree can wait till next year so why is she refusing to give him the money to use to complete his house which will in turn also be hers since what is his is hers also?
He said that his girlfriend refusing him to give him the money she saved up for her master’s degree is the height of hate and selfishness towards him. To him, it means that she doesn’t want his progress in life. He is threatening to break up with her.
This guy is an entitled son of a gun. He wants another man’s child to put her dream on hold so that he can achieve his and he thinks it’s his right. I don’t blame him. I blame this society that constantly tells women to leave their dreams and support their men’s dream so that they can be rewarded with marriage.
The completion of the house can wait too but this young man feels his girlfriend should put her dream of furthering her studies on hold for him to achieve his and he still has the nerve to call her selfish. He is the selfish one here.
I always tell young ladies to love their men wholeheartedly but take their brains with them. You don’t love a man more than you love yourself and your life dreams. There have been many stories about women who gave up their dreams for men but were rewarded with wickedness.
I heard a story about a young woman who lent her boyfriend of two years over a million naira to start a business. The plan was that they would get married later when he is financially settled. Young man escaped abroad with her money and married his ex-girlfriend over there.
She found out he got married on Facebook. It was a heartbreaking discovery for her. She fainted and was rushed to the hospital. She spent over a week in the hospital nursing her broken heart and wishing she never made the mistake of trusting the wrong man.
I heard another story of a young woman whose husband called her mother and told her in her mother’s presence to quit her job because he doesn’t want other men to be looking at her backside all in the name of building a career. He told her to choose between him and her career.
The sensible woman chose her career and asked him when they were heading to court to dissolve their marriage. She also asked her mother to tell him how to annul a marriage traditionally so that they can go their separate way as she is not ready to give up her financial independence for any man.
Love is no longer blind. I am happy that women are falling in love with their eyes wide open these days and refusing to be rendered financially useless so that their men can feel better about their manhood.
Any man who demands you give up your independence that he can remain with you or marry you is your enemy. Don’t try to explain his behaviour, it is normal. A man who loves you won’t ask you to give up things that matter to you.
Forget about all of the romantic movies you have seen where couples give up everything for love – that’s not realistic. You don’t have to mess up your future because of love.
If you find someone who truly cares about you and respects you, he won’t expect you to give up certain pieces of yourself for him since you won’t demand the same thing of him.
If he does, then you have to tell him to look for another woman’s life to destroy because such a man is an enemy of progress. You don’t have to sacrifice your career in order to have a thriving love life.
This society has normalized women giving up their jobs and businesses just to remain married. A woman who is doing well in her career or business is advised to quit so that her insecure husband won’t start feeling small since she is making more money than him. She is advised to be a virtuous woman and build her home with her hands.
These people who advise women to give up their careers and moneymaking ventures don’t pause to think about how much effort these women have put into their careers and businesses to get to where they are.
They don’t bother to ask these women if leaving their careers and businesses will make them happy and fulfilled. What they know is that a woman’s place is with her husband and whatever husband says stands. Such wickedness in high places!
In this part of the world, married women are instantly advised to ditch their single friends so that they won’t become jealous of her new, elevated status and snatch their husbands.
It doesn’t matter if these friends have been there through thick and thin for decades for these women. It doesn’t matter if these friends are the reason they are still alive, they must dump these friends so that they can remain married and please their husbands.
I am happy that young ladies are seeing through this façade of ‘supporting your man until he makes it so that he can reward you by marrying you.’ I am happy that young ladies are choosing themselves over selfish men who have been conditioned by this society to achieve their dreams at the expense of their women.
I am happy that women are becoming more aware that falling in love doesn’t mean being dumb and foolish. Loving a man shouldn’t cost you your lifelong dreams or rob you of the kind of life you have envisaged for yourself.
I am happy that young ladies are asking the right questions in relationships and looking out for their own interests instead of sheepishly supporting men while putting their own dreams on hold or abandoning them totally.
Re: How to fight without ruining your relationship
I may not even see why couples should fight if they understand the purpose of marriage. In the Holy Bible, our Lord Jesus Christ told us that man love your wife and wife submit to your husband. The confusion is that some men use power of supremacy against their wives and some women on the other hand disobey their husbands. These two wrong perceptions lead to many marriages crashing.
-Friday Udo, Uyo
In every relationship, there must be misunderstanding someday but the two must use maturity to resolve their issue rather than allow a third party step in and ruin their relationship.
-Gordon Nnorom, Umukabia
This is an extremely invaluable and a must-read piece for all husbands and wives. It’s no flattery to call it ‘Kate’s Treatise or Key Points for Managing Marital Disagreements.’ -Chioma Papa
Dear Kate, I prayed for a problematic marriage because I prefer it to the ones where couples swallow their hurt. Any lady that is quiet to a fault got dropped by me. Until the first conflict happens, a relationship hasn’t begun. Quarrel is mere friction and it ends up improving understanding.
-Cletus Frenchman, Enugu
Let me confess that I am afraid of ladies who don’t react when you offend them. I deliberately provoke my girlfriends to find out the kind of women they are. Disagreements in relationships are necessary but they shouldn’t be filled with insults like most ladies resort to.
-Emmanuel Aluko, Abuja
I appreciate you for being consistent in teaching men and women how to have better relationships. I must confess that you are a Godsend to me and my family. My wife and I read your column every Saturday even though your words can be harsh on men sometimes. I love your passion for your gender and why you are fighting with your pen for men to learn how to treat women better.
-Kayode Bakare, Lagos