Marriage is so fundamental to human existence that, in the biblical story of creation, it was the first project God inaugurated after the process of creation was completed. You can find this interesting account in Genesis chapters one and two. It is worth reading, even if you are not a Christian. Set your religious bias aside and read these Bible chapters because I’m taking you somewhere.
It is amazing that as important as marriage is, it is not taught at any level of our school system as a distinct course of study. Inspirational and wisdom writers have, however, tried to fill the gap with numerous books on the subject, especially at it concerns marital conflicts.
Divorce is rampant in the world today, many homes are in turmoil; millions of children are being born outside wedlock; there’s a growing population of single parents everywhere because of a general lack of understanding of the principles of marriage, its purpose and importance to the moral health of society. The dysfunction in the conjugal relationship has affected society in more fundamental ways than is generally acknowledged.
Worse, marriage is not yet given the seriousness it deserves like other issues. For instance, we know we should get a business advisor when setting up a business, we engage a stock broker when investing in stocks, we appoint an architect when trying to build a house, we consult a doctor when we are ill, we engage an attorney when we have a legal matter, we call the police when we have security concerns, but who do we consult when getting married?. I leave you to answer that question. Ask me: who did I consult? In my youthful ignorance, when I decided to get married 27 years ago, I consulted nobody.
Every so often, we seldom bother to consult a marriage counselor, and seek divine direction, which is the right thing to do before getting married. Once some folks “fall in love”, they head straight to the marriage registry. When marriages are contracted on such shallow foundation, they disintegrate when confronted by the inevitable storms of life. When the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune begin to fly, left right and center, love takes a flight and couples take the easy way out-divorce, because any marriage that’s not founded on unconditional love can’t stand the test of time.
If you say you are in “love”, please check the true definition of love in the Bible book of 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. This passage is too long, if I quote it in its entirety, it would eat up my limited space here. Please read it in the New International Version of the Bible whether you are a Christian or not. It would profit you greatly.
However, I’ll just take a few words from it: v4-7 says, “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And then, in the first sentence of verse 8, it says, “Love never fails”. What that tells me is that if love is the basis of any marriage, it can never fail. If any marriage is based on the definition of love as clearly declared in 1 Cor. 13:1-13, it cannot fail.
Before anyone says they are in love, they should carefully read that great admonition in the bible, because the basis of any successful marriage is unconditional love; when it fails, marriage fails. If that is news to you, glory be to God. You are reading the pastor in me today, I do not know any better way to drive home my point than to take you to the Almighty God, who created the concept of marriage in the first place. The first thing to consider when taking a marriage partner is love as defined above; not the lustful attraction, fleshly or erotic excitement we wrongly call love.
Infatuation is not love; it is lust by another name. When it results in wedlock, it soon wears off and the union disintegrates upon encountering the smallest challenge. You must make sure that you love someone in the true sense of the word before you say, ‘I do’. Enduring love takes time to develop. That’s not saying I do not believe in ‘love at first sight’. It is possible for chemistry to ignite love at first contact. But, I’d rather love with caution, and allow the other person to love me as much before I proceed. And that applies to both sexes.
A genuine expression of love does not require the test of sexual compatibility. In other words, you don’t need to sample him or her sexually before you get on with the relationship as many do today. Once you see him or her naked, the thrill of surprise or novelty is gone. Premarital sex, which is the norm in today’s permissive culture, devalues those involved and hurts their marriage from the start. That is why, in the good old days, girls and guys married as virgins. People see that today as old fashioned, let’s continue next week.
Weekend spice: if we live truly, we shall truly live – Ralph Emerson
Folks, have a nice weekend. Stay Motivated.
• Ladi Ayodeji is an Author, Rights Activist, Pastor and Life Coach. He can be reach at 09059243004 (SMS and Whatsapp only).