The idea that a man should marry a woman he can control is one of the most ridiculous ideas that people peddle in our society.
Let’s for a moment assume that controlling another person is right, why do people get angry when it is said that a woman is controlling her husband?
Why does it have to be the man controlling the woman? This is enough proof that controlling another human is evil. It is totally devilish.
You want to get married as a man and everybody is telling you to marry a woman you can control. I personally have a huge problem with people who cannot think before acting.
You want someone you can control because people said you should. Have you ever taken your marital life into consideration? In what ways will it help your marriage if your wife is subservient? Nobody is asking these questions. These men are not asking the right question.
Men believe that they must be in charge even though they have very little wisdom. This is how some men make wrong financial decisions and put their whole family in debt and penury. It would have just taken them an hour of discussion with their wives but they won’t.
Being a man doesn’t mean you have sense. Wisdom does not reside in the genitals. It is in the mind and everybody has got it, even animals. Hardly would you see a couple who make decisions together, having much difficulty. Two good heads are always better than one.
You will ask me now, what you are to do when your wife isn’t bringing forth reasonable counsel? Why did you marry her in the first place? In as much as we marry other things, the primary thing we marry is a person’s mind. Mind over matter it is. The mind determines the actions. So you should try to engage her mind first to know if she has what it takes to be with you and vice versa.
On the stupidity of controlling another human, it should be noted that there are so many things that you cannot control, let alone humans. We were given classifications of living and non-living things. I dare say that there is really nothing like a non-living thing. That is some restricted knowledge.
Everything lives. We live through our energies. What happens in the universe is the interaction of different energies. What you call non-living thing actually transmits and receives energy just as you. You can communicate with anything as long it has energy. This would show you that you really cannot control anything except things like putting food in your mouth to eat. How often do you control your teeth from hurting your tongue?
No human can control the other. You can use force or duress to maintain the idea of control but that isn’t control. You can only control somebody if you can successfully get into their mind and make them adopt your idea willingly. This is why I use education and dialogue to disseminate my ideas.
You can ignorantly keep a woman for years thinking she is under your control but she isn’t. She has a mind of her own. The heart would always want what it wants. The day she sees an opportunity, she would rebel against you.
Every human is a potential rebel. We are all independent beings. You cannot even control your children, how much more your spouse.
When you start seeking a wife, seek a partner not a servant. If you want a marriage you would enjoy, go for partnership. It is the way forward. Those looking for people to control are just seeking their own doom.
By Guest Columnist Victor Ibeh
Re: Places women should never marry from
This is another straight talk. Thanks for the courage to be a lone voice. Most women with their supposed education and exposure become short-sighted, myopic and shallow in their reasoning when it comes to their choice of marriage partner. They go into bad marriages only to lament, regret and cry at last. Thank God for good daughter to open their eyes. Keep up the good job.
-From Pastor Stephen Abuja
You are a home breaker. You encourage women infidelity in marriage. How dare you compare man and woman in marriage to be equal? Take your time and stop breaking marriages. You are a wicked soul. You want to abolish tradition for western pattern of marriage. May I ask you, the western marriage and our old traditional marriage which one do the couples live inseparable till they die? Answer me wicked woman, take your time o!
From 08183818. . .
Reading your article on places women should never marry from, I was angry after reading the first two paragraphs that I almost didn’t finish it, but I continued all the same and I must say you opened my eyes to things I never thought of. It is indeed an eye opener to the ills we subject women to in the name of culture and tradition. Continue to write objectively.
-08034941. . .
It is the way of our fathers and it should never be questioned. In their wisdom they said women needs to be controlled. It is our culture, if you don’t want to be controlled, remain single lady for life.
-Edwin J, Niger