I have heard it many times that women are responsible for keeping the home. Women are told that no matter what their husbands do, they should do everything possible to keep their marriages intact.
Women are taught how to cook delicious delicacies because they are told that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. They are told to fight for their marriages and not allow strange women steal their men.
I have since discovered that placing the success or failure of a relationship on one party alone without expecting anything from the other party is flawed. It takes efforts from both parties in a relationship to make it work.
Women shouldn’t be putting up with irresponsible men and not holding these men accountable for their actions. Men are not babies, they are adults who do good and bad things and should be allowed to face the consequences of their actions.
In many cases, when a woman complains about being maltreated by her husband, she is advised to pray for him to change. On the flip side, the man won’t be advised to pray for his cheating or violent wife to change. The double standards stink.
Women are told to fight for their marriages even though these ‘fight for your marriage’ counsellors see these women’s battered bodies and bloodied faces, they leave the men they should call to order. They keep telling these women to fight for their marriages because marriage is for better, for worse.
Women are saddled with the enormous responsibility of keeping men from straying. They are expected to fight off external attacks while these men do little or nothing to keep their marriages. This is so wrong. Men should be taught how to keep their homes too.
One phrase I hate hearing from people to women is ‘fight for your marriage.’ Some of them take it a notch higher by telling these women going through emotional and psychological torture to fight for their marriages on their knees. They claim fasting and prayer will change these men. I laugh.
They drum it into the ears of these unhappy women that prayer changes things. They are hounded by these one-sided advisers to buy sexy lingerie and give their husbands different sex styles so that they can stop oiling the rigs of strange women.
They conveniently forget to hold these misbehaving men accountable for their actions. They dump the responsibility of building the home on these already hurting women. I don’t know why these funny characters find it so hard to give men these same lectures and tips on how to keep their marriages.
You people should teach men how to fight for their marriages too. The man is not a stranger in his marriage. This whole fight for your marriage crap is an annoying excuse that allows irresponsible men get off the hook easily.
You see a woman suffering because she married one wicked man and you still have the nerve to tell her to fight for a marriage that is robbing her of peace. You even refuse to listen to her. You blame her for the man’s actions as if the man doesn’t have a mind of his own.
These fight for your marriage warriors are also good at blaming the devil for men’s irresponsible actions. You blame the devil when a man beats his wife. You blame the devil when a man cheats on his wife. You blame the devil when a man abandons his family and takes off with another woman. You blame the devil when a man refuses to take care of his children. It is always the devil’s fault; these men are just innocent babies.
This narrative that has been handed down to men and women from generation to generation is wrong. Men and women need to work together to make their marriages work. People need to stop dumping the responsibility of building lasting relationships on women. Men should be taught how to fight for their marriages too.
What is wrong with a man fighting for his marriage and on his knees too? What is wrong with a man praying for his cheating wife to change? What is wrong with a man receiving slaps and beatings from his loving wife while he prays for her to change for years? Don’t these men have responsibilities to keep their marriages too? Why are men exempted from fighting for their marriages?
Nigerian women should stop babysitting grown men in the name of marriage. You shouldn’t be doing the fighting while he’s destroying your efforts. He should be fighting side by side with you. He shouldn’t be sleeping while you are fighting. It takes efforts of both husbands and wives to keep their homes.
Women should stop hurting themselves fighting to keep irresponsible and wicked men. You will age faster than your mates and if you drop dead, he will move on to another victim. Women should hold their husbands accountable to the same standards they set for them. Men should be up and doing to make their relationships work.
It takes two willing, committed people to make a marriage work. It is not and will never be a woman’s duty alone to fight for any marriage. She’s not married to herself. Men should fight for their marriages even if their wives are hurting them. Marriage is for better, for worse.
So, the next time you are tempted to tell a hurting woman to fight for her marriage, make sure you are telling her husband to do the same. Stop encouraging wickedness and irresponsibility. Stop making excuses for bad men.
I hate it when people excuse men’s bad behaviour and claim a wise woman builds her home with her hands. Men should be building their homes too, it is their responsibility. They should rise up to the task and fast too.
Men, fight for your marriages. Build your home with sweat and tears. Don’t stop fighting. God who sees your efforts will see you through.
Re: Why do good men marry bad women?
Good men marry bad women because of confusion and greed. Men who go into new relationships should try hard to read their women like a book and understand what they stand for. Men shouldn’t be carried away by sweet sex. They should also not be afraid of these girls because sometimes these bad girls use intimidation to get men to marry them. -Mazi Nzejideofor, Lagos
Good men marry bad women when the word of God towards marriage is ignored and when spiritual platform on the basis of prayers is ignored when going after a woman for marriage. Thanks Kate for this wonderful article. –Horace, Lagos
You attract what you are. Good men attract good women and bad men attract bad women. If you are really good, circumstances won’t make you worse. The man who married a bad woman was already bad, otherwise, he would have stuck with or attracted good women. –Isaac, Eket
Kate, I love your articles. Don’t mind those men abusing you, they hate hearing the truth. They care for nothing but themselves and their selfish desires. -Peace Okeke, Anambra
Good men marry bad women because they don’t follow due process. A mature husband material can’t marry a bad woman except if he is playing games. Many men marry because physical beauty and material things.
-Emeka Okolo, Onitsha
Kate, good men marry bad women because they marry with their eyes and not with their minds. -Vitus, Aba
Good men marry bad women because they love women who pretend. Some girls look bad in appearance but are good inside while some girls look so good and innocent but are terrible women. Most men always mistake the bad girls for good girls. And some men are good at dumping girls and in doing that, they miss the ones that truly love them and marry the ones that will make their lives miserable. I don’t pity such men. -Jovita Okolie, Awka
Kate, your article was on point. Most men abandon women who suffered with them when the going was bad immediately they start smiling to the bank. They forget the woman that carried all the burdens when the going was bad and that’s why they end up with bad women in most cases. Keep it up and continue to add value to all your readers especially those antagonizing you. To me, they are the source of your inspiration. -Chinedu Uzoeshi, Abuja
Are you just trying to be fair to men with your column? When you started, the only thing you do is attack men. Even this one that you supposedly wrote on behalf of men, you still find a way to blame the men for marrying bad women. You are not a good example for women. You won’t make a good wife that is if you even see a man who will marry you with all the hatred you have inside against men. You should stop talking about relationships and marriage, you don’t know anything. You are just a noise maker. -Bernard, Enugu