Kate Halim
There are some men I can’t stand. They repulse me. They make me angry. These men give good men a bad name.These men don’t care about hurting others.
I don’t know how they sleep at night with the kind of abomination they commit without flinching. I don’t know whether they think about how their irresponsible actions will affect their wives and children when they find out.
I know by now you are already itching to know the kind of men I am talking about. Look around you, if you are observant, you will see them. You know them. You even attend church services with some of them. You work with some of these men who have no shame.
Some of them are your colleagues. Some of them are your business partners. Some of them are deacons and pastors in your churches. Some of them are your neighbours and friends. I am sure you know a man who at one point or another wants to have sex with his late friend’s widow before assisting her financially.
If you are such a man and you are reading this, what kind of human being are you? Do you think your wife will be safe from your friends if you suddenly drop dead? Must you sleep with your friend’s widow before you render financial assistance to her and her children? What happened to your conscience?
I have heard many stories from women who have the misfortune of approaching these men for assistance. It’s heartbreaking that these women think they know these men well since they were their husbands’ friends but they find out that they are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing.
It is sad that when someone’s friend dies, instead of helping his wife and children get their lives back on track, you start demanding sex from a helpless widow. You see it as an opportunity to have cheap sex with your late friend’s grieving widow.
It’s a shame that these men are still married to women who jump around claiming their husbands are saints. It is sad that they don’t see anything wrong with their actions. These evil men believe that nothing goes for nothing. They forget that the same thing can happen to their wives tomorrow.
A woman I know said that a day before her husband died, he asked to speak to his good friend. He pleaded with this friend that if anything goes wrong, he should take care of his kids. He promised his dying friend that he would everything in his power to take care of his children if anything happened to him.
Unfortunately, this man died. During the burial, this friend came and made promises from here to heaven. He promised to take care of his late friend’s three children. But nothing prepared this woman for what her late husband’s good friend wanted from her in return for this favour.
The first shocker came a month after her husband’s death. He told her that he wants her to have children for him. “Once you get pregnant, you will move to America and have the baby. When she asked what will happen to her other three children, he said they will be in his house and his wife will take care of them.
He assured her that nobody will suspect that he is the father of the child she will have. This widow was speechless. She stayed away from him afterwards. But this man went to town with tales of her jumping from one bed to another instead of allowing him help her and her children like her late husband wanted.
The funny thing was that the widow’s mother kept asking after her late husband’s best friend and why she refuses to relate with him anymore. Her mom claims he’s a good man. If only she knew what the so called good man wanted from her daughter, she would stone him.
Why will you want to sleep and have a child with your late friend’s wife if you are not a devil? Why do some men think most widows are free food for all?
But a few weeks after her husband was buried, he asked her to meet him in a hotel to pass the night so that they can plan her future. This man who has a beautiful wife waiting for him at home with four children didn’t see anything with wanting to see the nakedness of his best friend’s widow.
This woman refused his offer. He refused to help her. She hasn’t set her eyes on him for five years now and he hasn’t bothered to check up on her or her daughter. The last she heard of him, he left his wife and children in Nigeria and relocated to America with another woman. She said God saved her from a terrible man who just wanted to have sex with her because of her status.
Another woman said that her late husband would leave his house at odd hours just to attend to his friend whenever he had problems. When her husband died three years ago, his friend wanted to have sex with her. He told her four months after her husband died that he would give her money to start a business if she would sleep with her and be his lover.
I had a neighbor whose husband died in an accident. He had a friend who was always visiting his house and eating with his family. He was like a member of their family. They were business partners too and travelled together to buy goods.
When my neighbor died, I noticed he stopped coming to his flat. When I asked the woman what happened, she said when she went to ask him for financial assistance to complete her daughter’s school fees, and he told her she just needs to say yes to him and all her problems will be over.
He wanted her to be his lover before he could help her. This was four months after his friend’s death. He told her that he would help her recover everything her in-laws took from her and they would share the properties as long as she allows him to be her lover.
A young woman who just lost her husband was told by her late husband’s friend whose wife had fertility issues that she should be his lover, get pregnant for him and have his child. He promised to take care of her and their child very well.
He told her that if she wants him to help her financially, she should allow him enjoy the things her late husband enjoyed during his lifetime. He didn’t care that this widow is just 35 and still in mourning clothes.
I would advise women to be financially fit so that they won’t fall prey to these terrible men who love to take advantage of widows. If you can’t help your friend’s widow without asking for sex first, you are evil.
RE: HOW TO SALVAGE YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER THE LOSS OF A CHILD
Kate, man hater, it’s like you are tired of attacking Nigerian men. What is your business with people who have lost children? Are you pretending to have a heart? I know your kind, you are evil. Continue misleading gullible women with your feminist agenda.
- Obinna, Aba
I want to thank you for talking about the pain of losing a child. I lost my two year old daughter four months ago and my relationship with my husband is bad. After I read your column, I cried. I called him and apologized for not being there for him since he was grieving too. We had a long talk afterwards and promised to go through this dark time together. Thank you. You are an angel. God bless you.
- Tolulope, Akure
Superb! Kate, this is inspirational, some couples especially the mothers feel out of the world because of the death of their child but with your message, you have encouraged them. You are God’s sent. More ink to your pen.
- Sylvia, Anambra
Reading your column last week made me cry. I don’t want to imagine the pain D’banj and his wife are feeling now. I look at my children and think that if anything happens to any of them, I will just die. You have a way of capturing things vividly and beautifully. Thank you for using your pen to help others. I am your fan.
- Rita, Abuja
Kate, you will make a good counselor, that is if you will put your notorious man-hating attitude aside. I perceive you are a sincere and loving person from what I read last week. I agree with your suggestions and recommend them for couples going through tough times after losing a child. You have made me happy.
- Mr. Enebeli, Asaba
Kate, stop pretending you care about couples who lost children. You are on a satanic mission to turn Nigerian women to single ladies by teaching them that they are equal with men. Sometimes, when I read the things you write, I pity the unfortunate man who will end up with a wicked woman like you. If it were up to you, the marriage institution would have been scrapped. You are anti-marriage. You won’t make a good wife or any man.
- Godwin, Lagos
Each time I read from you, I have hope that we have not entirely lost our humanity in this part of the world. Thank you for giving hope to grieving parents through your column. You don’t know how much your words have healed those hurting. Your words were soothing and encouraging. Don’t stop writing.
- Mrs. Tiwo, Ibadan
Kate, Even though I don’t agree with some of the things you write, I agree with last week’s article. You should do more of encouraging people instead of attacking Nigerian men as if they are the worst people on earth.
- Mr. Azuonye, Awka