Many men are making mistakes that are ruining their marriages. If you don’t believe me, ask your wives. There are some things that are making your wives unhappy
Kate Halim
It is funny when I hear people say that women are the ones responsible for keeping their homes. I mean, two people are in a marriage but one person is expected to do the impossible to keep the marriage going while the other party is excused to behave anyhow because of their gender. That’s crap.
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Men these days need to understand that it is their duty to build their homes. Wives are not married to themselves so they can’t perform magic to make the marriage successful while men do little or nothing because they believe it is the duty of women alone to keep things going smoothly.
Many men make the mistake of treating their wives anyhow because of this erroneous societal conditioning. If you want a successful relationship or marriage, put in efforts. Don’t expect your woman to kill herself for you because you are a man. Do your part and let her do hers and everything will be fine.
It is also very funny when I hear that women can’t leave their men no matter how bad they treat them because husbands are scarce. If you don’t take care of your wife, treat her shabbily and think she will remain with you for life, you will get the shock of your life.
Many men are making mistakes that are ruining their marriages. If you don’t believe me, ask your wives. There are some things that you might not even know you are doing wrong that are making your wives unhappy. Changing these habits would make a big difference in your marriage, which will also be good for you and wife.
As a husband, recognizing these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only help your marriage, it will also improve your health as well as that of your wife. This is because overtime, negative feelings that aren’t addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems.
Thinking your woman can’t leave you is one of the greatest mistakes you can make as a married man. Do you know how many men who desire to have your wife? Do you know how many men tell her things she wants to hear? Do you know how many men tell her how beautiful and intelligent she is? You should start appreciating your wife today. It is not easy for wives to wade off so many temptations.
Another mistake husbands make is not showing empathy.
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Empathy is the ability to recognize and share someone else’s feelings and it is the most important part of any relationship. Your wife wants her feelings to be understood and validated by the man she loves her husband.
Many men tend to go into fix-it mode rather than listening to their wives vent. That’s a mistake. Understand your wife’s feelings, listen to her and show her you value her feelings. Don’t dismiss her with harsh words when she wants to talk to you. Treat her with love and care and the kingdom will forever be yours.
If you are reckless spender, you are making a mistake in your marriage. Making big purchases such as buying a car without first consulting your wife is a huge no. Don’t claim that as a man you can do whatever you want with your money, you are disrespecting your wife.
If you want to do something, consult your wife first, she’s your life partner, not your slave. Treat her right.
Being sexually selfish or clueless is one mistake husbands make too. Some men forget how to work on their women’s body to get it ready for sex. They just jump in and out of these women as if they are being chased by their village masquerade. They satisfy themselves and leave their wives sexually frustrated.
It is even worse when these husbands haven’t figured out that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on. They forget that affection, making her feel loved and needed is basic for their wives to feel aroused. Turning a woman on begins well before sex. Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection but women want a connection prior to having sex.
Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So also is talking about your own. Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake. Not sharing your emotions with your wife is not good for your marriage. She might start feeling like she’s missing a close connection that she wants with her husband.
When husbands are withdrawn, their wives feel like they are absent from their marriages. Even though it can be hard for some husbands to open up to their wives, they should understand that doing that doesn’t make them weak, it makes their marriage stronger.
As a husband, going on unnecessary power trips will do you no good, but many men don’t get that. They try to get what they want by being dominant. This is a mistake. Marriage is not about making demands or trying to overpower your wife, it is about sharing your life with that woman.
What kind of husband are you if you don’t think about the needs of your wife? You don’t know when she’s happy or sad. You don’t know what makes her heart skip a beat. You don’t know her favourite sex position. You don’t know if she’s happy being married to you or not. You are failing in your duties as a husband. Husbands, retrace your steps today.
Thinking you no longer have to chase your woman like you did before you married her is a mistake. Chasing your woman should be a continuous process. If you know those things you were doing in the past to impress her, start doing them again. Your marriage will become blissful again.
Another mistake husbands make is thinking it’s their right to cheat. I pity men who rub their affairs in their wives’ faces. They are not sensible at all. It is bad enough that you are breaking your marriage vows, but it is worse when you are reckless about it because you think you have the right to do so.
It is annoying when men excuse their philandering with the famous ‘Men are polygamous in nature crap’. Do you think your woman stopped seeing other men because she’s married to you? Women are polyandrous in nature; men should understand this and stop playing games with their wives. If you can’t be faithful, don’t get married.
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Stop making the mistake of refusing to do house chores. Cooking, cleaning, washing and taking care of your house are not gender specific. Even if you were not taught this while growing up, you need to learn it now. Husbands should do house chores and stop overburdening their women with endless chores. It is your home too, so take care of it.
Comparing your wife to other women is a grave mistake. Why did you marry her if you knew you will spend half of the time comparing her to the wives of your friends, colleagues and neighbours? Do you know what the husbands of those women are dealing with behind closed doors with their seemingly perfect wives? Stick to your wife and help her improve on areas she’s not good at without engaging in unhealthy comparison.
Refusing to apologize when you are wrong is one mistake husbands make that annoy their wives. Husbands are not perfect and can wrong their wives. It is sensible to say sorry when you have hurt your wife. You don’t claim because you are a man you won’t apologize when you are wrong. You will lose your wife to a better man if you don’t change.
When you deliberately refuse to create time for bonding with your wife, you are making a mistake. Your wife needs to be with you, bond with you and spend time with you aside running after your children, cleaning and cooking. Create time for you both alone and deliberately work on your marriage.
Allowing other people disrespect their wives is a mistake many husbands make. When you can’t protect your wife from attacks from your family members and friends, you have failed as a husband. If she does that to you, how will you feel? Husbands, start defending your wives from external attacks if you want a blissful marriage.
If you are making some of these mistakes as a husband, change your ways and watch your marriage become heaven on earth.
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RE: HOW TO PROTECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM DESTROYERS
Kate, believe me, nobody will attack you this time because you protected both men and women’s interest. May your ink never dry!
-Okafor, Abuja
Congratulations as you continue to up the ante every Saturday. Do you know you have many disciples who don’t miss Saturday Sun because of your column? Do you know that I recently discarded my old copies of Sun newspaper except Saturday Sun which I saved in my library because of your column?
-Tony, Umuahia
People should protect their relationships from an evil woman like you who is teaching women how to disrespect men and rub shoulders with their husbands. You don’t talk like a good woman. Your articles are laced with so much anger and bitterness that only spiritually discerning people can understand your mission to destroy marriages. You are destroying homes with your satanic writings. Hell awaits you Jezebel
–Ikenna, Aba
Your pen is specially designed to teach men and couples better ways to live together. May there be more oil on your head for more inspiration. I think some of your attackers will appreciate what you wrote last week because it is balanced but they seem to fail to understand that each topic has its peculiar message.
–Angus Ikeoha, Nsukka
Saturday Sun is a must for me because of your nice articles. A word is enough for the wise. Some women go after married men because they think these men are money bags and some married men go after rich women. Protecting one’s relationship from destroyers requires cooperation of both parties. Couples should work together to protect their marriages. Continue to be on the side of truth, you are doing a great job.
–James Ekpeh, Lagos
I am happy about last week’s piece for two reasons. First, it was gender balanced. It wasn’t the usual men are bad and women are good stuff you write all the time. Secondly, you are not single and a man hater because of failed relationships; insults that some of your readers often hurl at you. The statement, ‘some of us hold our men accountable implies that you are either married or in a serious relationship.
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