Only God knows the agony, pains, bitterness and nightmare that go through the mind of mothers like Fatima Maina, mother of five-year-old Hanifa Abubakar, who was allegedly killed by her teacher in Kano State.
In the same vein, 12-year-old Sylvester Oromoni died in controversial circumstances at Dowen College, Lagos. His death united Nigerians in sorrow. The Coroner Inquest has been empaneled to determine the cause of his death.
It is very important to understand that I am not saying that fathers or other relatives do not feel the pain of the dead. The fact is that right from creation, there has always been a special bond and closeness between a woman and the child she carried in her womb for nine months. This is what strengthens the tie and makes the relationship extra special. This is the reason researchers advocate that the death of a child is the most painful death for parents to bear, especially the mothers. This also translates that when a child is touched, her mother roars like a lion.
Women are naturally emotional; little wonder the Bible describes them as the weaker vessel which shows particularly when their children are sick or dead. It is such a low moment for them.
Now, mourning dead children is traumatic no matter the age. No parent, especially a woman, has found it easy to mourn the lost of a son or daughter, no matter the cause of death. No mother wishes her own child to be injured not to talk of death. Instead, they desire to die at ripe age, so that their children would give them befitting burial.
Senator Princess Stella Odua, in mourning her late son wrote this tribute: “My Precious baby, Buwa. Believe me when I say that I have done everything humanly possible to ease the pain, but the Lord knows it still hurts. I mean, how on earth am I supposed to pretend that all is well and forget all the amazing memories we shared and made together? How does a mother ever fully mourn or get past the death of a child? But I still can’t stop crying and seeking God’s face because I have faith?”
Odua is not alone in mourning a child, several other women are in her shoes. It is also important for all to know that not all deaths that occur among the children are caused by carelessness. Some come naturally, accidentally or otherwise. But some are caused by negligence, inattentiveness and stupidity. For the fact that no parent wants to lose a child. That is why it is important precautionary steps are taken, to ensure that children grow in wisdom and attain accomplishments.
It is disturbing that a lot of women think that motherhood is all about dressing young girls in bum-shorts that expose a bit of their nudity. I have seen mothers, who celebrate their children’s birthday in places meant for full fledged adults,who could talk and play carelessly. There are mothers who leave their children in the custody or care of people they hardly know or can vouch for their character. Consider a case where a mother would send off their children to school in the care of commercial motorcyclists. Some of such commercial motorcyclists have been known to abuse the little girls before taking them to school. The was the case of a particular child. The abused continued until the school queried her mother because the child always got late to school on daily basis. The reality of the situation today is a wake up call to mothers to be more vigilant and extra careful. The days are evil. Mothers who entrust their young children to neighbours and relatives, should reevaluate the situation, restrategize and know that danger is at hand. Who could have imagined that a school proprietor/teacher could kill a pupil entrusted to his care, in cold blood.
The level of atrocity that witnessed in the society in recent times with regard to children calls for immediate attention both from individuals, religious bodies, corporate organizations, government and all because no one knows where the devil would strike next and the manner it would come. No one knows who will be the next victim.
Mrs. Titilayo Alarape, a petty trader, who was fond of leaving her primary school daughters in the hands of her neighbour shared her painful experience in tears. “My neighbor, Mrs. Hanatu Simon aka Iyawo was about the latest tenant that moved into our compound and we became friends. She had two sons aged 13 and 11, while my girls were 10 and eight years. We were fond of leaving our children in the care of whoever that was available, when they come back from school. On this fateful day, I told Iyawo that I would get to the market. As usual my girls would be in her custody when they come back from school. On that day, all four of them came back from school, and there was a loud noise from the other compound. Iyawo ran out to see what the commotion was about. Her sons quickly asked my daughters to undress immediately. Out of fear, these girls striped themselves naked, the 13-year- boy mounted on the 10-year-old while his brother cornered the eight-year-old. Whatever that happened between them was not a palatable story any mother would love to hear of her daughters. And I ask, what stopped that mother from swapping her domestic chores? She could have gone to the market first as soon as the girls went to school. Knowing their closing hour, so she would be home and be in firm control of her time and affairs.
When I had my first son, the first advice I got came from my dear friend and Chief Executive Officer of Everywoman Clothiers, Debby Akindele-Ojo as she came visiting us. She warned me to be very alert as a new mother at all times. “You are now a mother who must wake up early before everyone and take your shower first and be alert in your home because bathing is the only thing one does privately and alone,” she said. I asked why and she responded thus: “So your eyes could get to every part of your home, including your newborn baby. Your presence matters at all times.” That was a great lesson until my children became teenagers. Various forms of carelessness that led to death have been reported in recent times. All these call for all to be vigilant and watch over the children both boys and girls closely. Notice when their language has changed, when slangs are introduced, when deceitful friends are involved because most of the time, it leads to very sad ends.
There are mothers who leave their children unprotected assuming all is well. Sometime ago a newspaper carried the report of a woman who left her 10-year-old twin daughters to her 24-year-old, male shop attendant to look after. And what happened thereafter broke the heart of some other mothers. The woman in question, Mrs. Eka Nyoko, a restaurant operator, had a practice of going to Oyingbo market as early as 5:30am to buy foodstuff and ingredients for the days business. In her absence, the shop assistant would sexually abuse the young girls. sexually. While she was with one of the girls, the other one would stand sentry at the gate to watch out for when their mother would return. The girls alternated turns. When he done, the assistant from hell would give the girls N200 to share. But one day the bubble burst and the evil assistant was arrested by the police.
A 39-year-old seamstress had a heart rending shock when she discovered what adult male neighbour was doing to her baby. The woman usually allowed her neighbour to carry her daughter when she was crying. That was until she found out how the neighbour pacified her crying daughter. “I kept wondering what he normally gives her until a certain day. As soon as he heard my daughter crying, he stretched to carry her. I hid behind him and peeped. He brought out sweet, I watched him unwrap the sweet and fed her, the next was his erect manhood. He was alternating both in my daughters mouth, I screamed from my hiding place and he was shocked.”
Now that the trend has increased from abuse to kidnap-and-kill, it is absolutely necessary for mothers to work on tight ropes now. There is need to strategize better, work out programme that would keep the children safe. First, entrust the little ones into the care of the Almighty. Don’t forget, he is a friend to little children.
To the women who clean and wash before going to the market, change your strategy, do the market first, come back home and face other chores while at home, to take care and take charge.
Security experts have canvassed that schools should be equipped with CCTV cameras in the premises. One could monitor schools through the CCTV cameras. It would not also be a bad idea for one to put a call through to the teacher and request to speak with your child before dismissal.
Those who are negligent and focus more on hustling without being sure of the welfare of their children should also change their approach. My dearest Folake Akinkola told of how her male neighbours took turns to abuse her because they lived in a low density area in the early 90s. Painfully, she recalled the experience this way: “After violating me, they would give me 10 kobo to buy food and that was how I became pregnant for my first child.”
Parents, please provide for your children the best you can. It is right to give them protection. If you have no trusted adult supervision, take them along with you. It might be a bit inconveniencing, but it pays in the long run.