Dear njigirl, my wife of 20 years has suddenly become a sex maniac. She wants it all the time and I am tired.

We have three daughters and all of them are away at school so it is just herself and I. Is this normal for a 55-year-old woman?

ν Arinze

Dear Arinze,

I just want you to know that many men would be happy to be in your shoes. At 50+ years of age, some women retire from active sexual life to the chagrin of their spouses. In your case, your wife is trying to relive her youth and you are complaining.  Typically, when all the kids leave, parents start to scramble to find activities that would occupy their time. Some cut down on expenses and even down size the home, moving into an apartment from the 5-room mansion.

Your wife has decided to shed all inhibitions and ensure that both of you experience pleasure.

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It is definitely normal for a 50+ woman to suddenly discover herself and her body and for the first time understand what gives her pleasure. Your 50+ wife “has come of age” in the African way and is no longer shy. She feels confident in herself and wants you to enjoy her body. There is nothing wrong with this. But let me tell you what might be going on in her head.

Many women after 50 suddenly find themselves alone with their spouses as the children have left to college, many are financially independent and realize that their role in the bedroom is not about “making him happy” but about making both of them happy.

Secondly, women after 50 no longer have to fake their pleasure, they take their time to enjoy sex and that means their men will also have to wait to give them pleasure before his climax. These 50+ women are financially independent and have time for vacations and weekend trips. Gone are the days when they have to pinch pennies or compromise their own needs for the sake of the family. They are bold and confident.

Thirdly, they are talking to other “golden girls” at conferences and seminars that have to do with their well being. Inhibitions are gone through the window and freedom has just moved in through the door.

It is important that you embrace her openness and enjoy her. Together your golden years would be worth celebrating.

ν Dr. NJ