Courtship is an important phase in relationships. It is a period for a man and woman to get to know each other for a period of time. It’s a period that precedes marriage where both of them make use of the opportunity to figure out if it’s going to work between them or not. Since marriage is not a joke, this period is crucial and not a time for playing around.
So, it is not the time to have uncontrolled sex. It is not the time for men to sample women to see if they can give them unforgettable sex when they get married. It is also not the time for women to be foolish enough to hold on to men who don’t want them around anymore because they are afraid of starting afresh.
Sometimes, we hear of courtships that last for years and at the end, there was no marriage. This situation is one of the most heartbreaking things a woman can endure. That is why I am of the opinion that long term courtship is not good for women. No matter how you look at it, it is women who lose in such scenarios.
This is not to say I support men and women who jump into marriages with people they don’t know, and can’t attest of their character. It takes time to know someone you are in relationship with, how they react to issues and how they treat others. So, courtship is the perfect opportunity to get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
The standard period for courtship should not be less than a year and not more than two years. But don’t also forget that some characters that manifest after marriage can also be hidden during courtship. Both men and women are guilty of this, so partners should watch out for subtle signs of negative behaviours during courtship.
Long term courtship is not good for women. I won’t advise any woman close to me to spend six years with a man under the guise of courtship. That is a waste of valuable time. Some men just use marriage promise to get ladies into bed, drain their pockets and run away to go look for other victims. They are not ready to settle down. I don’t know why ladies are still falling for ‘I want to marry you’ gimmicks that these men use.
Ladies, be wise as serpent. Don’t allow any man take you for a long, meaningless ride all because he played the marriage card. If he wants to marry you, let him take the right steps, and not give you a ring to scare other men away from you for years only to dump you later. If a man wants to marry you, he won’t play games with your life and heart. He will protect you from hurt.
One of the reasons women should stay away from long term courtship is that men know what they want and go for it. They don’t need to be convinced about what they want or decide to go for. They don’t use emotions to complicate issues. A man knows if he wants to marry you after a few meetings or if he just wants to use you to quench his sexual desires. Women should stop allowing their emotions to becloud their sense of reasoning.
Another reason ladies should not tie themselves down with long term courtship is that some men are just natural time wasters. These ones just don’t have plans for their lives and they keep stringing you along for as long as they can. If you allow them, they will turn you into an old maid for nothing.
After wasting your time for years, they suddenly remember that your breasts are not perky enough and your hips are not wide enough to carry and have children. They also remember that your sexual performance is below average and you can’t keep them faithful. You hear all kinds of excuses just to dump you and move on.
When I see ladies who give wife benefits to men all in the name of courtship, I laugh. When you give a man everything a wife is supposed to give him before he marries you, why will he make efforts to marry you properly? He’s already enjoying the perks, so there’s no need to make it formal. Young ladies, love your man but don’t leave your brain behind.
Girls, courtship is not the time to play house and start chasing women away from him like you are his wife. You can’t be wasting your time, emotions, money, body on a man who is not serious about getting married. If you like move in with him, feed him, clothe him, cook, clean and wash his clothes, if he wants to dump you, he will do so without blinking. It won’t matter if you have spent ten years with him.
A decade of courtship doesn’t guaranty that you will have a successful marriage. If after two years, the man is not making efforts to wife you, take a long walk and don’t look back. You need to look out for your interests. You shouldn’t allow any man take you for a ride with unfulfilled promise of marriage. Save yourself the trouble on time so that you won’t gnash your teeth in regrets later.
Ladies, if a man does not start the process of marrying you within a year or two, it means you are either dating a man who just wants to have sex or one who is not sure he wants you. If he doesn’t want to marry you, move on. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it means he doesn’t deserve you. You can’t remain his plaything forever while he enjoys the best of both worlds – you play wife at weekends, while he plays the field all week. You deserve so much more out of life.
A long courtship going nowhere strips a woman of her dignity and self-esteem. Such women keep hoping that time will persuade these men to do the right thing while they keep chasing away other eligible males. Some of these women discourage the real Mr. Right while holding on to men who are just stringing them along.
If you are courting, ask your man now when you both are getting married and if you are not convinced with his answer, move on. If he’s not serious about marrying you, it is time to re-evaluate your presence in his life. Cut your losses and take a walk rather than allow him waste productive years of your life when other responsible men are waiting to love you.
Dear lady, don’t be afraid to let that time waster go. Stop all this talk about ‘where do I start from and how will people look at me?’ Stop wasting your own time.
RE: DATING A BROKE MAN IS SIN
Kate, I am an ardent reader of your column. Your write ups are bitter pills to comprehend by the hypocritical Nigerian society. I have not stopped laughing over the last one you dished. You write reality. – Apostle Chuks Willy Ben, Umuahia
Your article about not dating a broke man is technically sound and insightful. Bravo! – Pastor John Akinbobola
Kate, I like reading your column. You say the bitter truth. I just hope that people will keep emotions aside and learn the lessons in your write-ups. – Charity, Nsukka
Kate, I know haters will come for you after reading your last column. I don’t miss them because you make too much sense. Keep up the good work. – Onubaba, Bauchi
Which Holy book taught you that dating a broke guy is a sin? I can see that your father was the richest man when he dated and married your mother. I wonder if you are married at all and what kind of man has you for a wife. You have nothing to offer this generation. People like you should be in the brothel. I am sure you were employed from there.
– Gbenga, Lagos
Kate, you are my personal person any day with your articles. You speak the truth and that is why those who are guilty of the things you expose resort to abusing you. Please bear with them and continue with your enlightenment campaign through your articles. They are a must read. – Barrister Dike
Please Jezebel, stop deceiving young people and face your miserable life. What is the name of the devil who sent you? You are always talking nonsense. – Gerald Nnamdi Anya, Enugu
Kate, your article is supreme. I hope ladies will take your advice and save themselves unnecessary heartaches. The pungent reactions to your previous articles are from pretenders. They also don’t get your high grade writing style. They haven’t realized that they are making your pen more golden than ever. The truth is bitter but don’t stop. Keep on writing the truth. More power to your elbow. – Tony, Umuahia
Empty Kate, you have just told the world who you are. What useless message are you trying to pass across? I doubt if you are with a man, fool. It is obvious that you are a frustrated woman and you shouldn’t vent your anger on anybody. Just keep it to yourself. YI hate you and I am sure that at your age, you are not in a man’s house because you are selfish and your interest is in money. You write like an aggrieved divorced woman. – Ugochukwu Joshua
Kate or whatever you call yourself, stop these rubbish and inciting piece you keep writing. I pity any young lady that takes your useless advice. This paper should stop giving you space
Kate, Saturday Sun is a must read for me because of your column. You speak the truth. You say things people are afraid to say. The people calling you names don’t mean well for many of us. You must not surrender. Keep telling us the truth. – James
By your write up, you don’t know God and I am sure you are not married and won’t have any business with marriage because you are from a morally poor home. You are a daughter from hell. I wish you can be offered a permanent place in hell. I don’t even know the son of the devil that offered you space to write this crap with your ugly painted face. – Tony Amadi
Kate, my appreciation goes to you. From your write ups, I have discovered that we are in danger because we have a lot of educated illiterates around us. Continue with your liberation struggles, maybe with time, they will come back to their senses and realize the good work you are doing for humanity. – Amandi Onwe, Jos
Kate, you talk like someone who was once frustrated in a previous relationship. You are not male gender friendly. That a man is broke doesn’t mean that’s the end of his life. – Barrister Joe Zeps, Enugu