•This is continuation of my response last week on  this issue

Dear Angela,

Then arrange for the kids to go to daycare while you go to work or school or  attend to your daily chores. Once this part is done, hire a live-in nanny to take care of the kids in the home. This would free you up to do several other things that you need to do. I am assuming that you can afford these expenses because you definitely should have considered these before accepting to adopt and bringing them over. Once the children are situated and you are ready to put on your rational thinking cap then we must face your husband.

So what is he trying to do to you? Have you ever wondered about that? Why does he play these mind games with you and why do you accept to be used and abused? Are you aware that emotional violence is a form of domestic violence? Your husband is certainly abusing you and you are falling for it.

He openly committed adultery by getting involved with another woman whilst being married to you and insists on you raising his love child? He does not even show any remorse and in fact is completely arrogant about it. Unbelievable indeed. As if that is not enough atrocity on his part, he goes and enters agreement with another woman to adopt her son? Are you sure the son is not your husband’s? Who knows?

So what do you do? This husband has defied all laws of a monogamous marriage and has no respect for you his wife. He is a bully as he is arrogant and insensitive. I dare say enough is enough.

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You must first make him to pay for the live-in nanny and the day care. Let him know emphatically that he must send money or you claim child support. The children are adopted in your names together right? So they are both your children. If he refuses to contribute then he is guilty of neglect and since he left you to go to live in Nigeria you can also claim that he abandoned you and the children.

The other thing to do if you don’t want to go that route is to pack up the children’s things and buy them one-way tickets straight to where he resides in Nigeria. Make sure you purchase enough food, toys and clothes to last them at least 6 months. When you get there hand them over to his mother and quickly make your exist. Before they know what is happening you will be on your way back to America. I worry about this plan because you might not pull through.

Your husband must be taught a lesson and in these lessons you must hit his pocket where it matters. He has not treated you nicely in any way and I am wondering why.

What do you think has caused him to act like this? I know you think there is some manipulation from his mother but let’s be real, hasn’t he had a little mean streak or even a degree of irrational behavior all the years that you were living together? Think about it, has he not always been this crazy? Why do you put up with it? Your girls are all grown and doing marvelous things with their lives. You ought to be proud and confident that you have raised them. Do not allow your crazy husband to bring you tears all the time. Even though I say so, he might not be deserving of you.

Put yourself together and decide which solution you will take to solve your misery. Send the kids home or find care for them here. Then like I said make your husband pay for those services. You may also seek services from the Health and Human Services or your social service agency near you. I wish you well and please write again.

ν Dr. NJ