Dear njigirl,
i need your help urgently. I am really going crazy and don’t know how I got so deep into this mess. I have been married for 25 years. My husband and I have four girls who are all grown now. The last one just graduated from college. About five years ago, my husband decided that he had got tired of living in America and went back home. He said he wanted to be in a country where he could do whatever pleased him. He told me he wants a male child who will bear his name and feels that since I have only girls he can find another woman to bear a son for him. My husband is educated so he understands that he is responsible for the all girls but he refuses to listen. He has allowed his wicked mother to convince him that it is my fault that we have all girls. In 2013, he impregnated a woman in the village that his mother found for him. She bore a baby girl. He is convinced I bewitched her. His mother told him that she saw me in the dream changing the sex of the baby. Can you believe such nonsense? I don’t know what they have done to him but this is not the man that I married.
In January 2015 he told me that he wants to adopt a son and he wants the son to be raised in America with “his sisters”. He threatened that not only is the son coming over but the girl born to him four years ago is coming as well and I must start the process of adopting them or he would divorce me. He talks to me as if I am a slave and that he is the best thing that happened to me. I don’t know what happened to make him this way; he is so mean to me.
At first, I refused to do his bidding and he shut me out for nearly six months. I almost died. I had to call to beg and beg. I finally agreed to have the children adopted and finally they arrived last year. Mind you the girl is four and the boy is only two years old. He just dropped them off and left me to take care of them. I am going crazy. I am already 50 years old and can’t do this. What should I do? Please help me before I go and drop them off at the shelter.
ν Angela
Dear Angela,
What you have to endure just to please your man. First I want to tell you that you must always consider yourself and also consider how much the action you are about to take will cost you before you jump in. If it is any consolation please learn to leap before you jump.
Now, what you want to know is the way forward, right? There is really no need crying over spilt milk. The children have been adopted and they are here. So if I must break it down you must understand that they are your children and there is no going back on them. I would first advice that you get a hold of yourself and shake off all the emotional baggage that you are saddled with and look towards the future. Yes, I understand it is not easy to do but you must pull your strength from within. Did you not raise four responsible girls who are now responsible adults? You did and that means you did something right.
•To be continued next week…
ν Dr. NJ