Those who deliberately speak or act contrary to conventional societal practice, according to my little barker, are simply “opposite people”.
Usoro I. Usoro
I bought one fluffy dog the other day. And the poor pretty thing took one look at me, sniffed my sweat and declared: “Oga, you have malaria”! If I lie, may I go naked in the bathroom! And if you still doubt me, ask the Medical Research Council Unit of The Gambia. A latest research by that tiny country, in conjunction with the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine insists that “dogs could be trained to detect malaria infected people by their odour with credible degree of accuracy”.
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Ok, calm down, please. The fact that you have stinking body odour doesn’t mean you have malaria. Steven Lindsay of Durban University says the work is still in progress. So, if my dog comes close to you, don’t worry, it can’t detect your sins, yet. For instance, it can’t reveal the “nonsense” you did with your neighbour’s wife yesterday. But I’ve started working on it – to be able to tell who, between my driver and the aboki, stole the fruits from my guava tree.
Now, look through this hole – into the future. Imagine that we “fine-tune” dogs to detect lies. M-e-h-n! Some nonsense would stop in this country. With my little new dog, no mechanic can lie to me that my jalopy has typhoid, hypertension and tuberculosis, when it’s just a mere plug issue. Religious merchants would close shops, for my dog would sniff out their spiritual lies. Tailors would lose their faces easily, once their lies are detected about delivery dates. Almost every sector and profession would’ve been exposed. Worst would be political lies!
Those who deliberately speak or act contrary to conventional societal practice, according to my little barker, are simply “opposite people”. With that little companion, call it Bowwow, politicians would be in (pepper?) soup. Lies like “infrastructure went to rot completely between 1999 and 2014” would stop. The dog tore a newspaper I bought with my sweat a few days back, when it smelt lies from President Buhari’s statement. Baba played host to the outgoing British High Commissioner to Nigeria, Paul Arkwright. Then, he claimed: “What we earned between 1999 and 2014 is on record, but nothing was done to infrastructure”. My dog read the news and agreed with Bobajide Otitoju of TVC News that it was an “exaggeration from the pit of hell”!
Such a statement may have been intended to paint the current government in good light, but it ends up rubbishing Nigeria before the international community. And it puts the lie to the much touted integrity of the President. Why? Because, it’s not possible that in 16 years, a government would do absolutely “nothing” to infrastructure. Haba! In December 2015, Minister of Power, Works and Housing, Babatunde Fashola , at a news conference tagged “Setting the Agenda for Delivering Change” said Goodluck Jonathan constructed more roads than any president ever in Nigeria. He also acknowledged that the inherited transformation in the power sector was above 50 per cent but that Buhari would try to build on it. Bowwow has since detected lies in Aso high places!
Within same period, Minister of State for Works, Adebayo Adeyeye, had said Jonathan’s administration recorded higher scores in the provision of good roads than any other administration in Nigeria’s history. Adeyeye spoke on Channels TV’s Sunrise Daily. But in Feb, 2016, VP Osinbade, sorry, Osinbajo also lied – according to my dog. The VP claimed Jonathan and Yar’adua didn’t construct “a single new road” in 10 years. It was a big, shameful lie at the Pastors and Leaders retreat of the Fountain of Life Church in Ilupeju, Lagos: “The federal government in the past 10 years could not build a single new road”.
Bowwow has detected that PMB and his men are really “opposite people”. Since 2015, they tell us one thing but the reality points to another. After almost four years, what’s the point blaming past governments for everything? In a campaign year like this, we expect federal government to tell us what it has achieved since 2015. Weighing such on a balance would help Nigerians decide whether or not to return Buhari to Aso Rock. Digging up real or imagined failures of Jonathan, Obasanjo, Yar’adua and even Prime Minister Balewa won’t sell.
If past governments did nothing to infrastructure, how did Buhari come about the current Roadmap on Power Sector? That document was launched by Jonathan in 2010. And in the transports sector, Buhari has done well completing what the last administration started. Government is a continuum and we appreciate his not letting Nigeria’s money go to waste. But to deny other contributors their due is what my dog, Bowwow, frowns at.
You see, the Lagos-Ibadan-Osogbo-Ilorin-Minna-Kaduna-Zaria-Kano narrow gauge was rehabilitated by Jonathan. The Enugu-Port Harcourt- Enugu intercity train was opened for operations before 2015. The Port Harcourt-Aba-Umuahia-Enugu-Makurdi-Lafia-Kuru-Bauchi-Gombe-Asha- ka-Maiduguri and the branch line from Kafanchan to Kaduna were at completion stages. Work on the Abuja-Kaduna standard gauge rail line was also at advanced stage. It was completed and commissioned by Buhari, recently. Same for the Itakpe-Ajaokuta-Warri standard gauge line. Only an opposite person would then lie that previous governments did “nothing” to infrastructure. Something was done – either to destroy or build!
Opposite people lie with ease. They have no scruples. They can relegate Boko Haram one day and demolish the group the next. They verbally defeat; wishfully decimate, technically degrade; spiritually dissect and tactically lie to feel good. If you doubt, ask Lai Mohammed, says Bowwow.
And when criminals – whether herders, Boko-whatever; robbers, etc, take over the land and murder defenseless citizens at will, we keep bringing perpetrators “to book” until all the pages are filled. Bowwow was again uncomfortable when PMB threatened, recently, to “punish perpetrators” of Kaduna killings. Same threat always. Yet, killings across the nation continue unabated. And the “perpetrators” go, in PMB’s words, “scot-free”. Now, he’s promised to “hold everyone (including my dead grandma!) to account for the latest killings”. Fresh food source for the police! And, as usual, only the current government would go unblemished.
Bowwow has detected that opposite people do everything in the opposite. For instance, they sweep, sorry, fight corruption, yet push some under the carpets. Close-body corruption mustn’t be exposed. Our corruption-fighting president is the Minister of Petroleum, yet we don’t know how much oil we produce. We harass innocent young boys at college meets and label them homosexuals. Yet, Bobrisky, an ugly, bleaching lad, wears bra and make-up and a lady’s apparels to celebrity parties. A real opposite…!
Nigeria’s business circle is also filled with opposite people. Instead of engaging a local cook, we import stew from China. Unfortunately, when Tiwa Savage and Wizkid decided to make local stew, they spiced it too hot with Cameroon pepper! And, God have mercy(!), rather than produce real capsules to mend some body parts; we import human parts inside capsules – for only God knows what! Nigeria is filled with opposite people, indeed!