My prophecies for 2019

For those who may not know, I have a thriving business on the side. I am an acclaimed Prophetess with a remarkable track record of success. If you have not heard of my ministry, it is because I am quiet about it, the gift of prophesy is a rare one, and there are many charlatans around who make so much noise about what they do. However, I need to speak up at this time of the year since this is a rather competitive field.

Before Mbaka’s 2019 prophetic stones

I received my prophetic calling just by chance two years ago, when I wrote a Loud Whispers piece called “My Prophecies for 2017.” Let me share an excerpt: “At the end of the year or the beginning of a new one, there is usually a torrent of prophecies around the world. Humanity has always expressed a desire to know what the future holds, either out of curiosity or a desire to prepare for the unknown. Every civilisation we know of has included those who specialise in foretelling events before they happen. No matter how sophisticated a society becomes and regardless of the advances in science and technology, there is still a vast market for the selling and buying of prophecies.

“I have always believed that prophets old and new simply derive their ‘prophecies’ from observing trends and using this as a basis for forecasting future events.”

I made some predictions of my own for fun in 2017. It turned out that some of my predictions were accurate, for example, I predicted that President Paul Kagame of Rwanda would win another seven-year term. Since then, my ministry has gone global!

In early 2018, I gave my predictions for the year, and also some special messages for groups of people. Don’t ask about the predictions that did not come true, let us focus on the ones that did. Last year I prophesied that the #MeToo campaign would arrive in Africa. I declared that heads would roll and this came to pass in a rather spectacular way. A professor of English from one of Nigeria’s greatest universities is now wishing he had spent his time writing more academic papers instead of staring at the cleavage of his female student. Last year, I also shared a revelation concerning Nigerian politicians. I declared that, “This year, you will ‘empower’ many people in your constituency, especially the delegates who will vote in your primaries. You will buy many cars, motorcycles, sewing machines, freezers, Ankara and bags of rice.” All this came to pass, though many spent money in vain, but that is not my fault, my task is to deliver what is revealed to me.

I also admonished the politicians to be careful and enlist the services of people like me, “If you are a politician and you are reading this, know that this year your path will be straight. You will achieve your heart’s desire. EFCC will not know your address! No court will disqualify you! Your list of delegates will not be changed! Your enemies will not turn your godfather or godmother away from you! You will not decamp from frying pan to fire! All you need to do is pray six hours a day, fast for five days in a week and give alms to all the poor in your neighborhood. Now, I know you are very busy, and you might not have the time to pray for so long or fast for so many days, you will become weak and start fainting in public and your enemies will rejoice. So, I have a solution for you. I will do the praying, fasting and distribution of alms on your behalf. I will do it for free, but God likes it when you show appreciation.”

There is a gap-toothed politician from the Land of Many Professors who engaged my services in 2018, today he is very happy with my efforts. There was another politician who came to see me and just because I asked him to bless my ministry with land in Ikoyi, he called me a charlatan and went to one of my colleagues who asked for just a Mercedes Benz. Guess what happened to him? Just as I prophesied, he was disqualified and replaced. I sent an unsolicited list of prayer points and fasting instructions to another person who, according to what was revealed to me, is battling with earthly and unearthly forces. He ignored me. Sadly, his tormentors keep making him do strange things such as jumping out of moving cars and hiding in forests. He who has ears…

I hope I have been able to convince you that I am good at what I do. Here are some of the revelations I have for 2019:

1. The 2019 elections will be mostly peaceful. I, however, see many people angry and agitated because of the small amounts of money available for campaigns. There will be no dollars or pounds in circulation. All candidates need to pray fervently against cancellation of election results, expensive court cases and treachery of close associates. Special fasts are important in order not to be at the right place at the wrong time. I see crowds of people covering their noses because of tear gas. Prayers are needed to avoid broken body parts and an international outcry about the authenticity of the elections. I also see sellers of brooms and umbrellas doing brisk business.

2. The word ‘Jubril’ will enter the Oxford English dictionary. The entries will be as follows, Jubril: The act of replacing a dead person with a doppelganger; Jubrilisers: Individuals or groups of people who believe in the same conspiracy theory; Jubrilisation: The acquisition and orientation of a Jubril; Jubrilised: Indicates a successful exchange with no concerned parties any the wiser.

I also foresee an international consulting firm specialising in the procurement of Jubrils for political, business or social use. The exact location of the business has not been revealed to me, but I keep seeing the map of China.

3. This year will be a bad one for predators who ruin the lives of women and children. I see crowds of women and men around the country taking the law into their hands. We all need to pray against jungle justice, but my visions reveal a lack of sympathy for confirmed rapists and molesters. I also see graves dug at the homes of very old men marrying little girls. I don’t know what it means, I just see it.

4. There will be more drama on social media platforms. In 2019, I see a lot of drama, fighting, rumours, attacks and counter-attacks on social media. Things might get very nasty. All public officers, celebrities and influencers beware. May you not become a victim of scandal this year. May you not lose your online or offline voters. May your corporate endorsements not be cancelled. To avoid any of these disasters, please, do the following, based on what applies to you – keep your knees together, your mouth closed, your trousers zipped, do everything in moderation and look for all your certificates.

I will stop here for now. Seeing into the future can be very tiring. Remember, if you need my services, you can pay in any currency of your choice, my ministry has accounts in naira, dollars, pounds and euro. I see love, peace and happiness for you all this year. It shall be well with you.

Presidential amnesty programme: Future assured

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Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a gen- der specialist, social entrepreneur and writer. She is the founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@ abovewhispers.com