Happy New Year! It is that time of the year when I reveal my prophecies. For those of you who do not know, I am a well-respected Prophetess, with a track record for accurate prophecies. My inbox has been bombarded with people wanting me to tell them what I think will happen this year. This time last year, these are some of the predictions I made:
This year will be a difficult one for China: The year 2020 has not started well for China and it is going to take time for them to recover from the Coronavirus disaster. I predict that the virus will be contained there after many deaths and infections but China will pay a stiff price. The Chinese economy will be hit on many fronts. Clients around the world will cancel massive orders for Chinese products. Thousands of business people and tourists will cancel trips to China. Many roads and facilities under construction across Africa will not have the usual Chinese labour to deliver projects on time. I, however, see a silver lining in all this. China will bounce back stronger than ever.
There will be more sex scandals in 2020: How can we get through 2020 without a juicy sex scandal? Last year churches and tertiary institutions were under scrutiny. There will be drama in some top banks. I urge all big men and women in the banking industry to be very prayerful, and to be very careful with their cellphones. If you are in this sector and would like to know more, I can arrange a bespoke prophecy for you. I also predict Baby Mama and Baby Daddy drama this year.
I don’t need to go into any further details on the above, the events that unfolded speak for themselves. There is a particular politician who consulted me for advice and I asked him to donate a new Mercedes Jeep to my prophetic ministry. That would help sharpen my visions and enable me to see him more clearly as the next Governor of his state. He called me a charlatan and went elsewhere. These days his gubernatorial ambition is limited to distributing exercise books to primary school pupils and boxes of matches to market women. I gather he owes three top banks a lot of money. If only he had not been so stubborn. Anyway, moving on. Now that I have convinced you that I am a bonafide Prophetess and not a false one, these are my predictions for 2021. There are so many of them, but I will only share a few here.
African Angels will fly to the United States on January 20th
On January 20th, a delegation of ‘African Angels’, will fly to the United States of America. Their mission will be to oversee the swearing in of President-Elect Senator Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States and Senator Kamala Harris as the first black and female Vice-President. The African Angels are preparing a statement to announce their trip. In their statement, they will explain why they were unable to accept the invitation for them to intervene and fly to the US to pray for the success of the 45th President of the US when he was running for re-election. According to the angels, it was difficult for them to find the time because the ‘Shit hole countries’ they live in needed them, to fight the COVID-19 pandemic, as well as many other issues such as poverty, insecurity and bad governance. However, they are interested in working with a new President who does not consider their abodes to be ‘Shit holes’ and is therefore a better candidate for their divine prayers and interventions. While they are there, the angels will ensure that the belongings of the 45th President are removed from the White House before 12pm on January 20th, and they will be quite happy to give him a ride on their wings to his permanent residence in the Sunshine State.
Political machinery will be activated across the country
The next Nigerian Presidential election is in 2023 and before then there will be a number of gubernatorial elections in different states. I see various categories of politicians gearing up for the contests. For our local people it is a Win-Win. Many of them will be placed on monthly salaries for ‘mobilisation’, they will have the school fees of their children paid and they will receive support for medical expenses both real and imaginary. Our churches and mosques will be beneficiaries too and we can expect to see many buses being bought, accommodation for clergy and ‘improvements’ carried out on places of worship. There will be large orders placed for sewing machines, grinding machines and Okadas from China, to be distributed to ‘party faithful’. I also see many gatherings of big men and women at political rallies masquerading as funeral, wedding and birthday parties, COVID-19 notwithstanding. Please note that I am one of the best in my field, patronize me if you want to achieve your political ambitions. If you go to my competitors, they will drain you of all your resources and reduce your fortunes from that of a Gubernatorial candidate to that of a local councilor. May that never be your portion.
Common Sense will trump ‘Covidiocy’
The year 2020 was terrible, with so many people being infected and even dying from COVID-19. As I wrote in one of my essays last year, our case in Nigeria/Africa is that of a motherless child who cannot afford to have sores on the back. Only a mother has the love, time and patience to check your body, find and nurse sores in hidden places. So far, we have taken God’s mercy and kindness for granted. In parts of the world where the mothers are not only alive, they are billionaires, they are still dropping like flies. Over here, in spite of the gains we have made, we are still prepared to squander our good fortune. In 2020, the Oxford English dictionary added new words such as ‘Covidiot’ and ‘Covidiocy’. A ‘Covidiot’ (Noun) is a person who ignores or disobeys the protocols to prevent COVID-19 such as refusing to wear a mask, practice social distancing, and insists on shaking hands instead of elbow-bumping. A Covidiot is someone who nurses ‘Malaria’ for two weeks and refuses to present him/herself for a COVID-19 test. When a Covidiot tests positive, they vanish into thin air and cannot be found. Covidiocy (Adjective) is when you believe that COVID-19 is a hoax, that it is only an illness for the rich and powerful, that the vaccines will change your DNA and that it is an elaborate plot by Bill Gates to rule the world. Verily, verily, I say unto you, repent and let common sense prevail.
An enterprising young person will launch an award program called Fools of the Year
I see an exciting new awards event being announced this year. Almost every day, I get a proposal for the organisation of one event of the other, many of them bogus awards ceremonies that you are expected to pay for. I have wondered why our enterprising young people can’t think of something more innovative. Why not an award for the Most Foolish Man, Most Foolish Woman, Most Befuddled Influencer, etc. of the year? There will be many contenders for these distinguished awards and I am happy to nominate a few. One of them would be for the man who works as a bricklayer but has eighteen children from three wives. Another top contender would be the young man who takes out a loan to organize a ‘befitting’ wedding ceremony at his fiancé’s insistence but has to hide from his landlord after the wedding. Then there is the young woman who gets a N250,000 Christmas bonus at work and spends it on a new phone for her ex-boyfriend hoping to win him back. The awards ceremony would be a very lucrative one with sponsors lining up to support prizes in different categories.
A note of caution. If I give you a prophecy that you consider to be negative, it means you need to fast, pray and invest in my ministry to make sure it does not come to pass. If you get a positive prophecy, you still need to fast, pray and invest, because African Angels have a way of switching fortunes. On the whole, 2021 will hopefully be a year when citizens read more newspapers, read interesting books, listen to the radio, limit their reliance on WhatsApp, watch good television programs and visit informative websites. I predict that if people are better informed, they will be able to analyse current events and trends for themselves. This is however a prediction that I do not want to see come to pass. How else would I make a living if I can’t prey on ignorant, lazy-minded and gullible people? Remember, if you need my services you can pay in any currency of your choice, my ministry has accounts in naira, dollars, pounds and euro. Have a blessed year.
•Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a gender specialist, social entrepreneur and writer. She is the founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is the First Lady of Ekiti State and can be reached at [email protected]