Every February 14, the world celebrates Valentine’s Day, usually marked by the exchange of gifts or cards between lovers. Truly, love is worth celebrating; love makes our world worth living. Love distinguish us from the animals and other living beings.
Love, any type of love, is sweet, if expressed in sincerity. Love is appreciated by anyone with feelings. Even animals, especially the domesticated ones appreciate love when showered with it. Any object of true love values it, even if they don’t really show it.
The Valentine love is special and markedly different because it is between spouses or those who are in love. We are talking about romance here. This is the kind of love that’s so difficult to sustain. The Valentine love runs high on romantic affection, which could be so easily abused. The Val love is so delicate that, a little action or inaction; a harmless word spoken or not spoken, could damage it beyond redemption. This is why Valentine is worth celebrating now and beyond the D – Day, February 14.
For me, love should be the focus of everyone. Anything should be done in love, every time, every day and everywhere. Love is not a one – off thing; it ought to be your lifestyle. Many homes are in turmoil because love is absent. Love is the most powerful force in the world. Where it is absent, strife reigns. It is dangerous to get into an environment where love is absent; be it a home, work place, community, country, worship centre or care institution.
Everyone desires to be loved. Some find love where they least expect. Open your heart to love and you’d find it. Infact, love is always looking for a heart to live in, because that’s its natural abode. True love is a matter of the heart, not the mind. Crisis erupts in a relationship when a partner tries to relocate love from the heart to the head, where the mind is. When love is subjected to mind games, it ceases to be a matter of the heart. It begins to calculate and take record of right and wrong.
Love suffers a crack if subjected to mind games. To mend a broken heart, you have to take it back to the heart and divest it of all human calculations, intrigue and selfishness. True love, when expressed from the heart says, “I love you”, warts and all; but mind love says, if you love me; I love you. It is 50 – 50 love; it is calculative, it is mind game. That’s not real love.
Love is a wonderful experience, exhilarating, sublime, awesome; I don’t have words to describe genuine love. I wish love could be taught the way we teach subjects in school, so that from infancy, people are taught how to love. But thank God, love is not like that. It is not a material object. It is purely emotional. Although true love springs from the heart, it has a destination – another person’s heart, the object of that love. We love to be loved and stay loved. Thankfully, love is organic in that it can grow from strength to strength. That’s the kind of live I am proposing to lovers. Your love should grow from day to day, not just during an event like Valentine’s Day, birthday, or other festivities.
True love forgives in advance. That is, before my spouse offends, nags me, cheats on me, beats me, lies to me, I forgave her. This may be hard to swallow. If you want to enjoy lasting peace and happiness, you better learn how to forgive in advance. You can take that home from this page. Offence must come, whether we like or not. In any relationship, quarrel must happen as there are no perfect friends, lovers, or neighbours. If you don’t forgive in advance, you’d spend your entire life fighting battles. Where does that take you? Early grave!
We do not have to wait for February 14 to celebrate our Val. That’s the thrust of this essay. We should appreciate our partners every day. Learn to express your love not just in sexual intercourse, but in communication, empathy, concerns, exchange of gifts, in addition to physical gestures like kissing, cuddling, and lovey dovey in general. These expressive gestures do matter a great deal, to women especially. A woman needs love. Women want genuine compliments about their hair; when they dress up for outing, their figure, shape or beauty, etc.
Of course, men too, like to be appreciated. But it is the opposite sex that cares about being loved more than the men folk. That’s the way women are wired. Many men in Nigeria think that all a woman needs is money and other material provisions.
These are important, no doubt. Women want all of those and much more. You sweep a woman off her feet if you know how to show feelings; if you truly care. Give her a peck when she returns from work and ask how her day went, you’d immediately set the stage for a good bed time, and thereafter, a happy night’s rest.
We can’t exhaust the subject. Enjoy your day
Weekend Spice: Love is not love when in alteration find, or bend with the remover to remove, it’s an ever fixed mark… – William Shakespeare.
Ok folks, learn to love. See you next Friday. Stay motivated.
Ayodeji is an author, rights activist, pastor and life coach. He can be reached on [email protected] and 09059243004 (SMS only)