what should I do? My wife loves to party and has continued even after having two children and 15 years of our marriage. She goes to a party every Friday night and comes back early in the morning so drunk that I don’t let our kids see how disheveled she looks.
I am even afraid she might be doing drugs on these nights out. One of her closest friends is a divorcee and is known for her very reckless lifestyle.
She is the one that calls my wife religiously every Wednesday to say where they are going on Friday. I am so tired of babysitting our two sons, aged 9 and 7. I can only go out on Saturday since Sunday is the family outing. But I don’t even want to sit anywhere together with my wife because she truly disgusts me. Really, what do I do?
I am sure you ask yourself where you missed it and why you didn’t stop this trend 9 years ago, but absolutely it is not solely your fault. Your wife is incorrigible and she appears to be bent on her way of having fun bar none. Before I totally condemn her, let me ask you some questions.
Since you have been married for 15 years and she has given you these boys, when was the last time you told her how beautiful she looked? How often do you ask her to dance with you? Have you noticed her attempts at weight loss? And since her weight loss attempts failed, have you told her that you love her the way she is, her curves and all? Do you still appreciate her cooking?
When did she begin this nightlife and why? Could it be because of your own neglect of her likes, wishes and hobbies? Have you offered to pay the babysitter on Saturday so you can go hang out with her? Have you told her so called girlfriend that “you will take it from here” meaning that you will provide the fun that your wife craves? If you suspect she has a drug and alcoholic problem, have you asked her if she needs help? Do you provide her with the things that she asks for?
All right, so you don’t think that I am totally on her side, let me direct these questions to her.
■ Dr. NJ
•To be continued next week