Dear Njigirl,
the problem I have, for which I need your advice, concerns my wife. She is very lazy. My wife can cook but does not know how to clean up.
When she comes back from work, she will first wash yesterday’s plates and then pile up today’s plates to be washed the next day. Because of this bad practice I no longer want to eat home.
Moreover, our house has become a home for cockroach and rats. This has made our nine-year-old child very afraid to stay in the house alone. I did not bargain for this. My friends tell me to send her back to her father’s house. But I want to hear from you first.
ν Okey
Dear Okey,
I am disappointed that in this century you are still treating your wife as a hired servant whose job is to cater to the needs of you and your children. This woman cooks and cares for your children and still holds down a full time job. May I ask what you do? So after she goes to work and comes home, she cooks and you don’t have the decency to help clean up? Are you for real Okey? This is so unbelievable and the nerve you have to even think of “sending her packing.”
I wish I know where you live, I would have come to personally reprimand you in ways you cannot imagine. I feel sorry for this poor woman but I do want to admonish her as well. I feel that she has not done enough in ensuring that her household is tamed. For instance, she has not ensured that the children are domesticated in such a way that they not only learn how to be independent but also that they contribute to the running of the home hence she gets a break sometimes. Why would dishes need to be in the sink overnight when she has a nine-year-old child?
What chores has this nine-years-old been accosted to? He or she must be assigned tasks and chores to be done after schoolwork. Washing dishes, tidying up his or her room is a must. In addition, making mom and dad’s bed is a daily chore while keeping all bathrooms clean and sanitized can be a weekly chore.
It looks like your family is in need of organization. Your wife can reach out to the social service department of your town, to arrange to speak with a social worker. The social worker can link her to agencies that concentrate in Home Economics to teach her how to manage the home. In addition, the health department can be called to deal with your rodent problem. In the mean time, Okey, you need to participate in conducting a thorough cleaning operation in your home. Lift all major furniture and disinfect your home. You also help to sweep and mop. Place some mice traps in strategic places and remove all garbage. Finally do not leave any dishes in the sink overnight.
Please learn to appreciate your wife and help her to run the home. Maintaining a loving and healthy home is not very difficult but it takes love and cooperation of all the members. This woman is crying out for help but you have allowed your ego to block your ears so that you have refused to hear her. Please open your ears, eyes and your heart towards your wife and begin to enjoy your marriage.
Cheers.
ν Dr. NJ