•Continued from last week
Lady, do you realize that after having these soon-to-be-teenage boys, you need to cut it out?
What is the need that these parties fill for you? Have you talked to your husband to see how both of you can create your own fun? At your age why must you be seen in a drunken state?
Do you not know that it is sheer irresponsibility and that your children do not need to see this?
Why are you hanging out religiously with someone that your husband has no regards for?
Does the so-called girlfriend really care about you and your well-being? Since her own marriage ended up in flames, is she trying to burn you too? Why would you jeopardize your family for the sake of fun? Do you do drugs at these parties? If so, you must immediately check in at a rehabilitation centre for the sake of you and those seven-and-nine-old sons. Are you even thinking about them? What do you expect of your husband?
You need to dialogue with him; I believe he is ready to deal. Please remember that two wrongs do not make a right.
Many couples are in a rot in their relationships and just patching it up. Some will react by doing things that ordinarily are out of character. In the end it is all to seek attention. I urge couples to look into the soul of their loved ones and find out where they are hurting. Instead of harboring resentment, speak to him or her and find out what you could do better to make her happy. Do you know that 70 per cent of married couples admit cheating on their spouse? The number one reason given across the board is lack of attention. One woman boldly stated in one of the studies, “he does not care about me any longer, he doesn’t care how I look so I became attracted to the guy next door who smiles at me and calls me gorgeous every morning as I walk to the train station.”
Similarly, men have been quoted to say “my wife has stopped caring about her looks; she put on so much weight and does not even get a decent hair-do cut anymore.”
The bottom line is that if you do not pay attention to the needs of your spouse, he or she will seek attention elsewhere.
So Joe, my advice to you is to dialogue with your wife. Tell her how you feel about her nightlife. Share your fears and your concerns. Hear her out and then ask her what you can do to bring back the spark. Make attainable promises and most of all let her know that you love her. Do not get into a shouting match of what she did three years ago and all that guilt. Agree to look towards the present and build up for the future. Be the bigger one in the relationship. Do not impose your will upon her. If you secretly wish that she no longer speaks to that rotten girlfriend (you know the one who caused everything) then just say that you will like to be in on her plans with her female friends. If you openly say, “I don’t want that lady calling you”, she will be resentful and antagonistic and will want to assert her rights, she will resist you and will continue talking to the lady. Be mature about it. Do not rule her life, instead share her life and be there for her. She will love and respect you and together both of you will raise those lovely boys.
■ Dr. NJ