I am not going to be nice today. I will be as proud as a peacock and speak like an aristocrat. I don’t care if you are offended. I think I need to be a little offensive so that you all can live happily ever after.
You see, I don’t just get why some men will have to force their wives to obey them. Why do you have to spit fire like sango before she submits to you?
Do you have to whip the Mrs. in your house to submission?
Hey, I don’t even need you to start quoting verses from the bible, the Quran or give me any traditional reasons for submission.
It’s because I know what all these religious books say and as a Nigerian, I know our traditional values.
I don’t think you have to force your spouse to submit to you. If you married the right person, you don’t even need to spell it out to that person, because love and submission come hand-in-hand.
You don’t have be an Idi Amin in your house before your spouse is at your beck and call.
Men should stop thinking that because they are men; they can just walk up to any woman and date her. They should not think, because they have a third leg, they can clip the wings of every woman they come across.
As a young child, I read beautiful love stories, from Cinderella marrying Prince Charming to Aladdin living happily ever after with Princess Jasmine.
I remember watching a Nigerian love story which title I can’t recall now, where a rich couple refused to betroth their daughter to a poor man. The man was hopelessly in love and the girl was smitten by him but the girl’s parents refused bluntly. I remember I wept watching that entire guy went through. But then, I was young and very foolish. I was told that love cuts across status. Yes, that’s what we were all told but in real life, such stories are not common. I have purged myself of all that gibberish and I now have a new orientation.
Believe me, I am romantic at heart and I love happily ever after stories. However, as I grew older, life has taught me a lot.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this type of love doesn’t exist but only two in a hundred really work out.
I don’t blame rich parents who are protective of their wards; they have spent so much on them. Moreover, they also love these children and they are careful about who they end up with.
Let’s be a little sensible, you guys come from two different worlds and with different bank accounts. Someone from a lower class dating an upper class person might experience resentment and the upper class person might think the lower class person is a gold digger too. So, they already built their relationship on a faulty foundation.
If you have eyes for big women, please make sure you attain a certain level before you accommodate affection and if you can’t wait till then, then go cut your clothes according to your material.
Stop believing all the lies that a big girl will come down to your level; that she will suffer and remain patient with you until you become a rich man.
I have heard these stories of suffering and living happily ever after a thousand times.
Although, I won’t deny there are good love stories like that but they are very few.
Listen attentively. A man is wired to be the breadwinner. So, if you jam a desperate city chic who promises you she will finance the wedding, pay her own bride price and rent a flat where you will both live, don’t come ranting to everyone that she is not submissive. She can’t be, because she already got what she wanted and since you are not making the dough like many of her friend’s husbands, resentment will set in.
My guy, marriage is a lot different from courtship; forget all that lovey-dovey you guys are doing now.
Before you place that wedding band on her finger, she can kneel down while serving you meals, wash all your smelly boxers but when she gets what she wants, she will show you pepper. It’s not entirely her fault; many women have been taught that men should be the one with the status and power.
I am not preaching materialism here, but if the truth must be told, all women are materialistic no matter the class they belong, so there is no crime in being materialistic.
That’s why I am screaming here that you should marry from your class. Marry according to your pocket, so that you won’t have blood pressure when she starts making her demands.
But you won’t listen, because you have a taste for women whose skin glow like the morning sun, with beautiful trendy hair and well manicured nails.
However, have you asked yourself if you can maintain all that? Did she tell you her body cream alone cost half of your salary? She makes her hair every two weeks and do you know how much her human hair cost?
Moreover, you will have to be buying aso ebi every now and then. She won’t be settling for cheap ankara, because her friends don’t even wear ankara. They wear expensive lace, which comes in multiple thousands.
Remember, your mum and siblings are in the village waiting for the stipends you send to them monthly.
Now, let me move to another category, women who are well educated and men who are barely educated.
Are you one of those who are attracted to women who are a combination of beauty and brains? I am talking about confident women who call the shots in the boardroom. Some of these women look like they just walked out of a fashion magazine; they are well exposed and adventurous. I know you have been drooling and thinking that, because you are a man you can marry her and put her in your house. After all, she is a mere woman. If you want to live long, steer clear. If you are not in their class, let the big players take them to dinners at five star hotels. Oh, you don’t even have a car? These women don’t know how scorching the Lagos sun has been lately.
Okay, you have a car and no AC right? Ha, you tried now but taking that cosmopolitan chic in your rickety car with no AC is like driving through hell.
Bros, you are claiming you are sapio sexual abi? But what exactly is your qualification? How many degrees do you have? How many countries have you been to? I pity you. These sophisticated women are widely traveled and intelligent with two or more degrees and they are highly opinionated too. Don’t even think you can shut them down. They get bored with you if you can’t challenge them intellectually.
Please take a long deep breath and think very hard before you make that move.
Interestingly, these women are different from the model your mother comes from. They are free spirited, ambitious and they kick against everything the old model stands for.
For these women, their skills and intellectual prowess earn them economic independence that gives them a fulfilling life. They are progressive. The kitchen is not exciting to them and they will prefer to hire cooks than ruin their manicure. If you think you are punishing them by not eating their food that is like a bank holiday to them. The boardroom is more exciting than any other place in the world.
Oh, you think you can deal with her by denying her sex? A round of applause please, that’s a brilliant way to deal with a woman. Unfortunately, these ones won’t even miss you and they are not cheating with other men.
They are only sex smart; they have an alternative for sex too, yea! They are well informed about all the different types of sex toys.
However, if you are still bent on doing your will, ask yourself if you’re man enough for it. Can you suck in your entire male ego and walk the mile with her?
Although, some few ones might bend the rules along the line but many don’t. The fact is that you can’t change an adult.
So, think, seek your kind!
Stop climbing ladders to reach things above your means. Birds of same feathers flock together! You will do better with your kind! These women are not aliens, they are Nigerian women and they dwell among us.
The unforgivable sin: Dating a broke man
“It is really sad that Yomi will pay me evil for good after all I did for him. I loved Yomi with my whole life and I was faithful to him all through our four years of courtship. I met him when he was a broke ass and literarily had nothing to his name. But I didn’t care, because I saw he had all the potentials.
Everyone warned me, but I never listened. I split my salary to two every month end for 3 years. I paid his rent, fed and clothed him. He even used my car freely while I jumped on buses to work. My friends all thought I was crazy doing this, and then I got him a job and our world began to fall apart.
Yomi became a stranger; he started complaining that I was too fat, that I looked older than him and that our sex life was boring.
Believe me, I did all I could; I started dieting, I joined a gym club, I dressed to please him and I read all I could about sex.
But he didn’t change and it was obvious he was out to frustrate me.
Three months ago, I saw the shocker on Instagram. He had proposed to another girl. She was younger, slimmer and was everything I wanted to be for Yomi.” Nike, an accountant lamented.
I am very certain that in our circle of friends, we all have a Nike. We all have a relative like Nike, who refuses to see what all others are seeing and chooses to ignore all the screaming red flags in her relationship.
Many women like to focus on irrelevancies when it comes to going into a relationship. They prefer to focus more on the fun and sexy parts. They ignore the practical issues because things are exciting and passionate at the moment.
Wait a second please! I am not talking to teenagers here; I am talking to people who fall into “are you the one?” fabulous age bracket. I believe you guys don’t have to fall in love based on how cute a guy is or what he promises to do. I am sure you are past the age where you will be fantasizing about his potentials or how cute your kids might look in the future.
This is also not about women living on men or feeding fat on him like a leech because I know at this stage you are in, you can easily feed and pamper yourself. You are a hardworking diva that has the right to wine and dine with men with great success stories.
My dear savvy sisters, please you shouldn’t be the only one offering financial help in a relationship. Stop listening to his childhood sob stories of why he can’t take care of himself. If his mother has done a great job, it is not your business to take over from his mum by caring for a full grown adult. You must never listen to a man who tells you, you are the only one who can save him from his financial mess. Girlfriend, you are not his saviour, Jesus Christ died for our sins long time ago, so he doesn’t need another messiah.
The mistakes many single girls of marriage age make is that, they tend to equate sexual pleasure with love.
For crying out loud, you shouldn’t be sleeping with a broke guy, if he can’t feed himself, he doesn’t deserve to share his bed with you. Having a man in your life that can’t take care of himself, how much more you, is a mere waste of time. Your buying him won’t make him marry you and even if he marries you, that is a hell of a catastrophe waiting to happen.
I am not saying there are no good broke guys, whom if given opportunities will become great financial giants. I believe they are out there.
I am not saying that there are no honest poor guys that will make great husbands. But, I am just sick of the many faworajas in my generation. These guys have thrown decorum to the dustbin and it is unfortunate that my savvy sisters are falling hopelessly in love with them.
Also, I am not saying that you should all go look for rich guys and become gold diggers. No! This write up isn’t about how to hook up with a rich guy. In fact, I am in full support of role reversals.
I am only advocating for strong women. This is a clarion call for our savvy sisters to get a good grip on their emotions and stop being too desperate for relationship.
My guys, of course, I know how times are hard, so, I am not saying that you have to be well established and working your dream jobs before you go into a relationship with a woman.
Please don’t get me wrong. All I am asking for is that you should at least be able to pay your bills and move out of daddy’s house.
Bros, give your parents a breathing space and go rent your apartment. If you are talking about marriage with someone special this 2017, you need to be more ambitious at 35 and start setting goals for yourself. Stop borrowing money from your mum to form fine boy outside!
Men who can’t afford anything is a huge turn off for me and so, ladies, let us fall in love with men not only with our hearts but also with our heads.
You see, the truth is that, economics and romance are Siamese twins and we have heard in many stories of divorce that, finances are often cited as the number one cause.
First, this is not 1867, so you need to give the good girl a kick in the ass, because as a cosmopolitan chic, you need to be involved in modern dating. Modern dating involves a lot of hanging out and you need to spend money. Oh, don’t be a bore and stop lying down on the bed in a heated room staring into each other’s face.
Secondly, if Mr. Broke wants to earn a lot of respect from your friends, he has to have some dough to throw around on few occasions. They can forgive him if he doesn’t drive a posh car but they will sneer at him if he has to borrow cash from you always.
Thirdly, most broke guys have low self-esteem and will keep rubbing it on you. They won’t understand why your best friend should be a guy; won’t understand why you have to work late at the office. You will have to explain every call to them and even that long conversation you had with the water boy is not exempted. The typical Mr. broke has a fragile ego which you will keep massaging all the days of your life.
Moreover, you will keep giving him money to buy things for your parents and siblings. He keeps claiming he is the head in the relationship but tell me, how can he claim manhood when it seems he is plagued with the afflictions of being broke?
Are you among girls who firmly adhere to the teaching of your pastor on faith? You strongly believe that things will turn around? Well, I am not disputing the faith angle, faith really works wonders. But, if you want the truth, go and purge yourself from those things. If you must “faith” things redirect it into something worthwhile. You know why? Well, it’s because very few of these women of faith of yesteryears actually reaped the fruits of their labour. In the long run, 8 out of 10 of these women ended up completely miserable and frustrated. You need no prophecy to speak into your future; he will eventually leave you for a younger, hotter girl after you have spent your money on him and done 8 abortions. Well, if you want to keep faithing it, somebody shout hallelujah! I rest my case and so you are on your own o!
So, to every gorgeous girl reading this, go have fun with men, laugh, go on dates but never try to save them. They will definitely respect you more for this but if they don’t, there are so many desperate women out there willing to rub their backs. It shouldn’t be you!
Re: Nigerian husbands & wives: The good, the bad and the ugly
i want to commend you for your article. May God bless you. At least your piece will help any reasonable man in choosing his future partner. Bless you, the world expects more from you. –08039…6347
On Nigerian wives: there are some who are hard working but they are not interested in sex at all. –080371…..298
Having read your article of last two Sundays on men and women, the good, the bad and ugly. Strictly speaking you are amazing. Ride on girl! –08068…98
I read your article in Sunday Sun on Nigerian wives. Wow! That was a master piece. I commend you. –KC
Hi sister Bola, I waited till today after you must have concluded the Nigerian wives. But I found out that none of last week’s description is applicable to me and today’s own too is not applicable to my wife. I can’t explain why. Can you help out?
–Wole Akinjayeju, Yaba, Lagos.
Among Nigerian wives, which category do you belong? More so, which category of Nigerian husbands does your man belong?
–Alkali from Festac.
Daddy G.O is the funniest –08188….428
You are a wonderful writer, on the topic Nigerian husband: the good bad and ugly, you speak nothing but the truth keep it up. I love it. –Maria G.
Nigerian Husband: I really appreciate your advice and words of wisdom to every Nigerian husband. Keep it up. –Atunwa Kehinde.
Bolatito, my waiting for a week to see whether I would have to court martial you for taking sides in your write-up titled Nigerian Husbands, Wives: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly was rendered a waste of patience for fairness in commentary on them. Your proactive objective of exposing the ills of “ the good, bad and the ugly Nigerian husbands and wives, is to help prospective victims of marital relationships on either side of the divide. One has no choice than to commend your effort at researching into shortcomings in marital relationships, under various circumstances, favourable or otherwise. That said, the divine instruction that man is the head of the family has been sidelined by the earthly doctrine of sex-equality now prevalent in the world. People, hinged unto religious doctrines, would not tolerate sex-equality principle as it constitutes a sin against God’s commandment. –Lai Ashadele.
As an ardent reader of your column, I appreciate your article that deeply touches the area that young ladies/guys and couples need to be aware of. Young ladies should know what they want in marriage. They shouldn’t allow the bully to suppress them, hubby clingy shouldn’t be allowed to hit her,a lady in that category should let the hubby clingy relatives know their son’s condition,blind love allowed those ladies to allow Daddy leech to make sway and it’s only deep thinkers that know that love is not blind but full of responsibilities. Daddy flirt result could endanger the live of his wife, Mummy’s boy divided love and care in his home so unfortunate. Daddy G.O wives will be cheating I guess because their sexual urge is not adequately met in the name of religion. Women that have caring husband these days should count themselves lucky because they give their wives rest of mind. I desire to be a caring husband. Thanks Ma. –Aina Akindele Oyebanji, Ketu, Lagos State.