A lot has been happening on social media recently regarding marriage and relationships. There has been a lot of call outs, counter call outs, leaked recordings, and accusations flying up and down from people who are in relationships and marriages.
One thing I still don’t understand is why couples expose their relationship issues on social media. The people you are exposing your spouse or partner’s shortcomings to don’t care about you and your relationship. They just want to catch cruise like we say on social media these days. They just want to entertain themselves at your expense, so what’s the point?
These unending marital and relationship dramas has kept us busy for over two weeks on social media. It is beginning to irritate me. It doesn’t make sense to resort to social media even if you feel your partner is hurting you or taking you for granted. You can access other means of settling your issues without making a mockery of the love you once shared online.
One thing I took away from all these dramas is that Nigerian women should stop dating and marrying men who are shameless and men who don’t care about hurting them. Women should learn to love with their heads and not only with their hearts. You don’t walk into fire with your eyes wide open and turn around to start crying when the fire starts burning your skin.
You don’t date and marry an irresponsible man and then expect him to change overnight. You don’t date a philanderer who changes women like underwear and expect him to suddenly be faithful to you. You don’t date and marry a man who has no means of livelihood and then start crying later that you are the one shouldering all the financial responsibilities at home.
You don’t date a man who doesn’t have a mind of his own, one who is easily swayed by family and friends and expect him to suddenly become the perfect husband. You don’t date an abusive and violent man and expect marriage to perform the magic of making him a peaceful and non violent man. Ladies, stop ignoring the red flags you see in your relationships. Stop making excuses for men who treat you badly.
There are some men women shouldn’t date or marry. These men bring nothing but drama, tears and regrets. But if you tell these ladies to look before you leap, they will either call you names or claim you want to destroy their relationships. They prefer to put up with these men, pamper them, package them, marry them and start whining later.
Nigerian women should learn how to approach relationships from studying the way men approach relationship and marriage. This is because when it comes to choosing whom to date or whom to marry, they keep sentiments aside and choose with their heads. They know what they want and they go for it without blinking.
If they want a woman who is beautiful, they go for her. If they want a woman who will serve as cook, cleaner and babysitter, they go for her. If they want an industrious, hardworking woman who will share the bills with them, they go for her. If they want a timid, fearful village girl who won’t talk when they are talking or challenge them when they misbehave, they go for her.
Nigerian men don’t know how to manage when it comes to women they are marrying or the women they want to date seriously.
They don’t believe in hoping things will change after marriage. They don’t believe in suffering and smiling but they don’t get tired of preaching to women to date down, marry down and try to change their men. They tell women that they have the power to change their men. I wonder why they don’t do the same when they are confronted with the same scenario.
This is why they might love a woman, date her, take care of her, promise her heaven and earth, but when it’s time to marry, they will marry someone else. They choose to be with women they believe will favour them the most. They will marry women who will worship them and give them peace of mind the most. And this peace means turning a blind eye to their irresponsible behaviour. This peace means that whatever they do, you don’t question them or demand accountability. I laugh in fake peace.
These men don’t mind calling off an engagement of donkey years, simply because their mother does not like the lady in question. They don’t mind calling off a wedding because they caught their women cheating or lying or because they feel these women won’t be loyal or supportive. But they tell women to do otherwise if they are in the same situation. They tell women to stop being choosy and manage any man that indicates interest in marrying them even if the person is bringing nothing to the table.
A Nigerian man will break up with a woman if he thinks that she will be a threat to his future plans but the same person will advise a woman to give up her career and business for a man because of marriage. The same man who won’t tolerate disrespect from a woman will be preaching to a woman to overlook disrespect, lying and cheating so that she can get married to an irresponsible man because men are polygamous in nature. I laugh in paternity fraud.
I admire how fast men leave a situation that no longer serves them or a relationship that is not giving them what they want. They look out for themselves and take self preservation seriously while women are encouraged to manage badly behaved men because men will be men. These men who won’t tolerate a woman disgracing them everywhere she goes are quick to advise women to do the opposite.
If a man marries a woman and she changes to become what he doesn’t want, he quickly moves away from her toxicity, instead of going from one group to another, doing hide my ID and asking questions about how to handle issues with his wife like many Nigerian women do on social media. You won’t see a Nigerian man asking strangers how to talk to his own wife or how to make her see things in his own perspective.
You can never catch a man saying “My fiance is cheating on me and beating me up, but I love her, what should I do?”.
Or catch them saying “My wife is sleeping with my gateman and my younger brother what should I do?”.
You also don’t see men, advising their fellow men to stay in bad marriages or bad relationships, with the excuse that it rains everywhere. No, they don’t do that. A man would rather not marry, than marry someone who will be stressing him out or giving him pain. He would rather be alone than putting up with bad behaviour from a woman.
These men approach love and marriage, with level-headedness, precision and wisdom. I wish more women can be learn to approach love, relationship and marriage the same way. I wish these women will stop dating and marrying boys in men’s bodies who don’t have shame or decorum. I wish women would stop dating and marrying men who don’t care about them and their future. Women need to do better.