I schooled in University of Jos and witnessed some religious and political crisis that rocked that city between 2003 when I arrived till early 2010 when I graduated and left.

I witnessed yet another crisis in Kaduna in 2011. It was the deadliest of all for me because I saw human bodies on the streets. No! these dead bodies were not strangers, they were people we knew. We grew up together, laughed and spoke to every other day.

Even my family’s errand man was not spared. He was hacked and set ablaze just 500 meters from my house. He was dragged down from a moving police van conveying them to the police station for safety. The mob cut him and set him ablaze immediately they dragged him down from the moving van. He was taking his final breath writhing in pain when we ran to his side.

Soldiers were already on the streets. We had to retreat to our homes because a dusk to dawn curfew has been imposed.

In all these crisis and needless deaths I witnessed, I didn’t lose my sanity neither did I suffer any form of depression, however my threshold for pain all of a sudden became very low. There seem to be a transference of pain just watching someone getting beaten or tortured. I pass out at the sight of human blood. I would feel dizzy and lose consciousness.

For years, I suffered this in near silence even though I got stronger and better over the last five years until the event of 20/10/2020 at Lekki toll gate. I was online watching videos of the attacks on the peaceful END SARS protesters. I heard the gunshots, saw people crying, and victims in the pool of their own blood. I had a serious panic attack all of a sudden. I was shaken to my bones, motionless, got weaker by the seconds and was gasping for breath.

I reached out to a friend on phone who kept me engaged while he encouraged me to do my breathing exercise. I regained some of my lost strength but I was already in a dark hole. It felt like I was losing my sanity. I had lost concentration and was beginning to have an ‘out of body’ experience. 

I had to turn off my phones to get me off any more triggers. The videos of shootings online seem to be my trigger. I stayed up the next 24 hours without a wink. Sleeping pills didn’t help me. I was sweating non stop and caught cold in the process. Even cough syrup couldn’t help make me drowsy enough to sleep. I was physically and emotionally wrecked from that day. I had no control over how I felt. The end SARS deaths and shootings triggered my traumatic past experience.

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Post Traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is real. I have experienced first hand. Post traumatic stress disorder is a mental health condition triggered by a terrifying event. This is either by experiencing it or witnessing it. That you may have witnessed or survived worst situations in life does not mean you are strong to take on more.

A lot of us are actually broken from past life experiences, that just about any thing can trigger a traumatic reaction. And no, it is not really about the present event but about a similar or an unresolved traumatic past we never know we have not recovered fully from.

While what happened at Lekki is unfortunate and avoidable, it exposed most of us to the status of our mental health. We need healing from so much needless violence and deaths we have been exposed to in the past. Although some people may choose to live in denial but they cannot deny how they feel on the inside.

Some people go through traumatic events and experience temporary difficulty adjusting  behaviorally and psychologically. Some people suffer from constant agitation, irritability, hostility, hypervigilance, self-destructive behaviour, social isolation, hallucinations, flashbacks, fear, severe anxiety, mistrust, out of body experience, panic attacks, loss of interest/appetite, guilt,  loneliness, insomnia, nightmares, binge drinking/eating, emotional detachment, suicidal thoughts etc.

If you are having trouble getting your life back under control after a traumatic experience, then it is time to see a mental health professional. Getting treatment as soon as possible can help prevent PTSD symptoms from spiraling out of control. 

It is clear that most people in this clime would rather see their pastors/Imams or spiritual leaders in moments like these than seeking professional help. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to carry your spiritual leaders on your journey to finding a solution to your problem, it will offer you some respite, but it is best to see a doctor and allow them help you professionally.

Seeing a psychiatrist does not in any way suggest or mean you are losing your mind, its simply saving you from finally losing it. Always remember It’s a thin line between sanity and insanity.

Family, friends and spiritual leaders must also encourage their members on the need to seek professional help in times like this. It is the right thing to do. Reach out to close friends and loved ones who would hold your hands through it all.