Chief Mrs Vivian Nwakaego Nwokedi is a widow and a victim of the obnoxious widowhood rites that are prevalent in some cultures in Nigeria. The graduate of Computer Science from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka was accused of having a hand in the death of her husband 13 years after their marriage. The ugly experience caused hatred in her against anything called wedlock. But being a woman of talent and resourcefulness, she refused to succumb to hardship  that greeted her husband’s untimely death. Today, she  is a businesswoman, community leader, politician and founder of the Progressive Women Advocacy Organization that takes care of the less privileged widows via economic empowerment and skills acquisition.
She spoke to Gilbert Ekezie on her experience and other issues.

Could you relate your experience as a widow?
I would say that I am an exemplary widow who was rejected when my husband died. He died of renal failure after 13 years of marriage. There were insinuations and accusations from his family against me. In fact, I was accused of killing him. My in-laws did not stop at that, they came and packed away his property. But God knows that I did not have a hand in the death of my husband. As a result, I was relegated and oppressed, but I  was determined to be valuable and useful.

What lessons did you learn from the ugly experience?
What I faced shortly after the death of my husband made me to feel so bad to the extent that I hated to hear the word, marriage. I also understood that widowhood problem was a common thing in Nigeria. I heard that whenever a man died, his family members would pack his properties and chase the wife away. It gets worse when they’re aware that you didn’t know that  he left behind certain property. They will seize such belonging and leave you with little or nothing Some in laws are envious when a man loves his wife.

What testimonies do you have?
I am very happy that today, God is using me to touch lives. Most people do not know I am a widow because I refused to be weighed down by that.

Can you advise Nigerian women and young girls?
My advice is that before a woman gets married, she should be an entrepreneur. She should equip herself and create an enabling environment to survive without the man. She should also be hardworking and supportive of her husband. She should demonstrate that she can survive on her own. That will make her to be more relevant and self-reliant. For me, no woman should be a full time housewife. Women should remove that from their hearts, however rich their husbands are. Even if it is akara (bean cake) one could fry, she should start it immediately and not wait for a huge amount of money to start the business. This is because a lot of women have suffered because they rely solely on their husbands.

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Do you think there are laws that can protect women from intimidation and denials?
Yes, I appeal to  government to implement laws for Nigeria women to remain relevant in the society because what they are going through is worrisome. Could you believe that some of us in politics are seen as wayward. Nigeria women should be allowed to be part of policy-making and implementation of the government policies. That will go a long way in assisting them to become more relevant. It will also serve as leverage to their future growth. Women need to be relevant in the society and not to be seen as having nothing to offer.

You spoke about women being given opportunity to be more relevant in the society, especially in politics, what is your take on the notion that women are enemies to themselves?
Naturally, in the creation of womanhood, there is a spirit and belief that every woman is important and that is not in men. However, that does not stop us from coming together.  A time is coming when that will stop because there are women who are working very hard to break the jinx. I think it is an issue of individual where women refused to support themselves. I believe that if we see exemplary women in leadership. I think, the orientation women have among themselves will change. In service, women should calm down while in leadership and not be proud.
If women unite, we can become president. Any woman that wants to make it in leadership should be humble, transparent and exhibit integrity.

What kind of advocacy is your organization into?
We understood that women, especially widows are not given their rightful place in the society. They are being humiliated, intimidated and relegated to the background. And there has not been much intervention on their behalf. Therefore, we decided to advocate for them. We also advocate for young people who are not remembered in the society and engage those seeking for jobs in our programmes. We aim at touching lives at the grassroots, and our targets are mostly the Nigeria women.

 How do you identify the widows you empower?
We partner with women organizations. We also have coordinators in every state and locality in the country. That is how we reach the people easily. We hope to touch lives in the localities so that they can feel our impacts

What are your dos and don’ts?
I love meeting people, sharing ideas. It gives me joy. I like meeting people and I can attend meeting from morning till night. I like relaxing in a calm and serene environment with a bottle of Champaign. I also make friends, but I’m very careful, choosing friends. Unlike others, I have male and female friends. But the males are more than the females because it takes a lot to get good female friends. In fact, many of them are jealous and out to mislead you. On the other hand, I hate negligence. One should be diligent in whatever he or she is doing.