Haleluya, somebody. Permit me to borrow that phrase from my brother, Gordon, the one and only ‘Berlusconi’ of comedy in Nigeria, nay Africa. He shouldn’t worry, though, someone should please, tell him. I will return it to him sooner than he expected. It’s a promise.
Raise the Nod o, somebody! LASAA (Lagos State Signage And Advertisement Agency) fever is now over and done with, at least, in Lagos, for now. Before the reign of the fever came to an abrupt but temporary end, if someone said to you, ‘beware of LASSA FEVER’, it was good and proper to ask him which of the LASSA FEVER he was talking about. Is it the one of ill-health or of war against ‘rioting’ billboards and posters?
But thanks to Babajide Olusola Sanwo-Olu, our incoming BOS(S), insha Allah, the LASAA Fever, the kind of fever they induce by their seemingly ubiquitous presence all over Lagos, is now over. In case you did not believe me when I told you that although all animals (animus?) are equal, some are more equal than others, it is time to believe and blessed are they who have not seen Sanwo-Olu’s posters and billboards spread all over Lagos like avalanche but believe, for theirs is the kingdom of guts, thanks to a face’ful’ group called 39142. I tell you whoever they are, they are doing a great job with rewriting the history and re-channeling the trend of poster-pasting in Lagos, nay, Nigeria and shaming LASAA in the process.
Haleluya, and Hip, Hip, Hurray three times! Some people have been given the power to deface Lagos and no LASAA can stop that. Henceforth, any LASAA official that comes to you brandishing a useless piece of paper and calling it authority, take it from him, tear it into pieces and drag him by his trousers belt to me and leave the rest of the matter. Trust me, I know what to do. Just leave matter in the hand of martyrs of LASAA’s Operation Keep Lagos Clean of Billboards and Posters and we will know what to do about them.
You won’t deface yourself, so why deface our Lagos,? LASAA people would always tell you. My answer: Stop telling that to the marines. We have told them that enough. Let us face Sanwo-Olu and Solomon Olamilekan Adeola (Yayi), Omo West ni Jare (the Senator representing Lagos West at the National Assembly and who is seeking for a re-election), and tell them that and see whether they will not pick some broken bottles from one of these Ambode- dividend of refuse democracy and deface your face first before defacing the face of our Lagos.
I think what might have happened is that Mobolaji Sanusi the Chief Executive Officer of LASAA and his acclaimed 100,000 staff have been overwhelmed by the political posters running riot all over Lagos and have gone to sleep. If you can’t beat them, don’t join them. Just leave them alone and catch some sleep for the sake of your jaded nerve, ok? Bodi nobi wood, my broda. If you are not happy with the situation, you know what to do, don’t you? Just go take a jump into the Lagos Lagoon, and we will surely meet you at the other side, in South East. Sure! After all, some people were asked some years ago, by the Oba of Lagos, to prepare to take a plunge into the Lagoon if they fail to vote for the APC government of Alhaji Tinubu or is it, Babatunde Raji Fashola? Babatunde (Baba don come), now it is Babajide (jide in Igbo means, catch or hold this one or hollam). If you join Igbo to Yoruba, you end up translating Babajide as Baba Hollam). And, as far as poster-pasting is concerned, I want to say to all APC supporters of Sanwo-Olu, Hollam there. Don’t move because if you move I will move you and guts no go vex, abi?
Haleluya. At a meeting called, sometime ago, by Edgal Imohimi, the immediate past Lagos State Commissioner of Police, to look into the issue of Agbaje’s campaign billboards said to have been uprooted by LASAA advert enforcement operatives or task force, other parties accused LASAA of partiality and bias against them. I did not believe them then but now I do. As I look at Sanwo-Olu’s saturation of posters and billboards and other signage, I want to believe that someone somewhere in LASAA head office at Oregun, Lagos is biased.
Haleluya, somebody! LASAA has been de-activated by political campaign posters so much that they are simply overwhelmed. And, let anybody who thinks it is not so come here to say that the workers are not biased or overwhelmed by Sanwo-Olu’s compaign posters and I will leave matter in the hands of Matthias. I mean, I will close the chapter and open up a chapter for other matters of national importance. I am not one of those who like to waste my saliva talking about irrelevant matters. If you have been reading this column since inception or for a long time, you will agree that I am not. So, who overwhelmed Mobolaji Sanusi and his 100, 000 workers? Who stopped them from working? I say who? Whoever did that I wish to register my heartfelt gratitude to him.
Like I said before, I never knew that some animals are more equal than others (whatever that Orwellian expression means) until now. I am more than humbled to know this. So? I am going to pray to Baba God to help me take a plunge to the next level of people or is it animals who are more equal than others? Wherever such animals exist, remember Baba Obasanjo’s This Animal Called Man? that’s where I want to belong. Raise the Nod, somebody!
So? Let nobody from LASAA come to me tomorrow to talk about my posters defacing our Lagos. If I give him or her slap, to use one of Nigeria’s hackneyed expressions, dem go hear the sound for Jupiter, Neptune or Saturn, I swear. Come to think of it, Sanwo-olu and his supporters defaced our Lagos, una no tok, na now I wan paste small poster or handbill for outside there, una wan tok. Oya, tok make I hear. If I hear kpim for una mouth na so I go carry una throwway fiam and na so una go land for on top of one of those Sanwo-Olu billboards that I saw inside Lagos. Na that time una go know say khaki and leather no bi the same thing. Let nobody try me o!
The campaign posters and billboards are so overwhelming that Bovi, while performing during this year’s The Sun Awards, had cause to voice out his concern and to joke about those posters coming together to form a 4-D shape of Sanwo-Olu himself and causing some confusion among his ardent supporters as to be able to differentiate between the real Sanwo-Olu and his 4-D counterpart. On that joke I rest my case.